Page 9 of Love Letters From Memphis

“Baby girl. Are you okay?”

She squeezed the back of her neck. “Do you have pictures of her? Of my mother?”

Seconds passed, and Royalty held on to the silence.

“I… yes. I do.”

“Did you know one day that I would find out?”

“I hoped you wouldn’t, but in case you did, I kept a few things to give you that were hers.”

Royalty smiled. “Seeing her, getting to know about her… I think that would help me out a lot right now.”

She didn’t want to tell him she felt she had no hope or reason to live. She didn’t want to tell him she was grasping at straws, trying to find meaning in something. She didn’t want to tell him that a part of her wanted to see her mother, so she’d be able to recognize her if she made it to heaven.

“Of course. I can bring everything to you if you’d like.”

Royalty’s head shook as she began to pace. Quite frankly, she was tired of having so many different energies and encounters in her space. Besides, the apartment was starting to feel suffocating, and she needed to get away.

“No. I can just grab it. You can put it at the front door, and I will pick it up.”

“You can’t even look at me?” he asked softly, and the pain in his voice squeezed her heart. As much as she didn’t want to take his pain on and make it hers, Royalty still cared about her father.

“I just… I’m not in the right headspace, Daddy.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. I’m concerned about you. You’re not talking to anyone and you’re holding a lot in. If you don’t want to talk to any of us or your friends, can you please speak with a therapist?”

Her head shook and eyes watered as she gritted her teeth. “That’s not necessary. I need to feel connected to something. Someone.” Royalty’s voice broke when she said, “I just feel so alone.”

“Baby girl, I’m so sorry.”

Wiping her face, Royalty released a heavy breath. “It’s fine.” She sniffled.

“No, it’s not fine. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have handled any of this the way I did. I failed you, Roy. Please let me help you and make this up to you.”

“Besides giving me my mother’s things, I genuinely don’t think there’s anything you can do.”

“Can I ask you something without you getting offended?”

Tugging her bottom lip between her teeth, Royalty leaned against the dresser. “Yes.”

“Are you safe with yourself right now?”

Squeezing her eyes shut, Royalty shook her head. “I don’t think so,” she confessed. “I’m trying to be. I-Iwantto be. I think if I had something of hers, something to feel connected to, maybe that would help.”

“Okay, Royalty. I will handle this your way. If you want me to, I can grab the items out of storage. You can meet me there and get the box. We don’t have to talk, but I would like to set eyes on you to make sure you’re okay.”

“All right, Daddy,” Royalty agreed. “Just send me the address and time and I will meet you there.”

“Okay. I love you.”

A few seconds passed before Royalty replied with, “I love you too.”

She disconnected the call, then headed to the bathroom to get herself together. As she showered, Royalty did something she hadn’t done in a while. She prayed. Between the meditation within her heart and water trickling down her skin, Royalty felt calmer than she had in a while.

Once her shower was over, Royalty finished her hygiene and skin care routines, then dressed comfortably in a pair of distressed jeans and a loose-fitting graphic tee. In case it got cool, she reached for a hoodie, and her eyes bulged at the sight of one of Steven’s. Pulling it out, Royalty pressed the hoodie into her face and inhaled its scent. She wasn’t surprised that it smelled just like him. As soon as the first day of fall hit and Steven pulled out his hoodies, she snagged her favorite one.

Royalty headed for the living room, making her way to the fireplace. After tossing the hoodie inside, she lit the fireplace and watched it burn. For those fleeting moments, Royalty smiled genuinely. She couldn’t deny how good it felt to receive some sort of vengeance. It might have been a small act, but it was one that made her feel powerful and in control. At that point, that control was almost euphoric.

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