Page 49 of Give Me a Reason

“I’d have to be, seeing as I never played before,” I teased, enjoying this time with him, outside his sister’s prying eyes.

“Was there anything you wanted to do as a kid? A sport or an instrument?”

“Not really. I never let myself want those things, you know? When the recorders were passed around, I said I hated music, so the teacher wouldn’t send one home. It was just assumed that everyone could afford it. It wasn’t much, but I never wanted to stress my parents or make them feel like they weren’t doing enough because they were. They loved us so much and wanted us to have everything. It would have killed them to know they couldn’t provide for us.”

During my explanation, Finn moved close to me. “You didn’t tell them what you wanted because you didn’t want them to feel bad when they couldn’t give it to you?”

“It happened when I was a little older and more aware of what was going on with them. I never wanted them to feel as if they weren’t good enough.”

He flipped the ball in the air and caught it before he said with his jaw tight, “I hate that you went through that, and you weren’t free to be a kid.” Then he cleared his throat before continuing, his gaze meeting mine. “But you’re kind of amazing, you know that?”

I laughed to pass off my discomfort at his observation. “I did what any kid would have done.”

His expression serious, he said, “Most kids are completely self-centric. They don’t care about whether their parents have money or understand if there isn’t enough of it.”

“Oh, I saw that at a young age. There wasn’t enough food—” Then I stopped, not meaning to reveal that much about my past. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.

“Like I said, amazing.” He cupped my chin but backed away when Paisley came running across the field, yelling, “Daddy! Daddy!”

Finn winked at me before turning to greet his daughter.

We stood in the form of a square to toss the ball around. Ireland must have been used to it because she was easily able to toss the ball back to us.

The team’s mascot walked around the field, posing for pictures and signing balls. It was a beautiful day, and I was enjoying myself when I didn’t think I would. Last night hovered on the edges of my mind, but I was able to push it away and focus on Finn, Paisley, and Ireland.

If Ireland suspected anything was going on between us, she didn’t let on. If she did, it would make for an awkward roommate situation.

We took pictures of Finn and Paisley with the mascot when he came around and then played for a little while longer. When the event was over, we headed back to the car with our stuff.

“Thanks for coming with us today. It was fun,” Finn said as we headed back to Annapolis.

“We spend most Sundays together. It’s my only time to see Paisley,” Ireland said.

I wondered if I was going to continue to be invited to these family outings or if today was a onetime thing. Maybe they didn’t want me to feel left out. I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to get any closer to them. Not after what I’d done with Finn. I’d crossed all the lines that had been set, boss-employee, coworker… It was bad. But it didn’t feel wrong.

Oddly enough, it felt good. Right even. Like I’d finally done something that was entirely mine.

Finn dropped us off at the curb in front of Ireland’s apartment. He got out, but Paisley stayed in the car to say good-bye. Finn hugged Ireland and then thanked me for coming. We waved to Paisley and headed inside.

“I’m glad you came,” Ireland said.

“Me too. I had fun.”

“I figured we could eat dinner in front of the TV,” Ireland called as I headed to my room.

“Sounds good.” But I needed to lie down for a bit. I had a dull headache. I thought it was from pretending that everything was normal and that Finn’s dick hadn’t been inside me last night.

Acting like nothing happened was starting to take its toll. I felt like I was lying to Ireland. Logically, I knew it wasn’t something I had to tell her, but I still felt guilty. She was my friend, and I was living with her.

When Ireland called for me from down the hall a couple of hours later, I washed my face and joined her. “I meant to help with dinner. Sorry, I fell asleep.”

“No worries. I made quesadillas and rice. Easy peasy.”

I took the offered plate and fork and sat on the couch. “So, you spend every Sunday with Finn and Paisley?”

Ireland sat next to me and clicked on the TV. “On the Sundays he has her, so it’s more like every other weekend. It’s the one time I can spend with her. The shared custody is great, but the reality is, we only see her half the time. I know it bothers Finn not to be with her more. That’s why he originally asked Naomi to marry him.”

“Would he still marry her if she was willing?” I asked, bracing myself for her answer.

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