Page 95 of Selling Innocence

“Nem shoots people all the time.”

“True enough.” He released a long breath slowly. Was he that worried about me?

It warmed me that he’d come all this way, that he’d found me like this. Jarrod was a busy man, had enough of his own work, but he’d dropped it all and gotten on a plane to come look for me?

Look at that, I’m making things difficult for everyone still.

He took his phone out, and I didn’t need to ask his plan. It wasn’t all that hard to guess. Sure enough, after him putting on speakerphone, a familiar voice came on. “Did you find her?”

“Yeah, I did.” Jarrod nodded at me, telling me to answer.

“Hey, Nem.”

“Kenz.” Nem breathed the name out like I were some mirage she didn’t quite trust was really there. “Where have you been? It’s been three weeks since we’ve been able to get ahold of you!”

“I’ve been busy,” I said.

“Busy? You think busy is going to work as an excuse? You haven’t had your phone for these weeks. It was turned off entirely, and even when Bray tried to hack into it, to force it on, he couldn’t. That means it was destroyed. There has been only one entrance into your apartment in all this time, so you haven’t been sleeping there. Where the fuck have you been?”

“I’ve just been living my life,” I hedged, a desperation sinking into me.

I was so close to making this all right, to freeing everyone. I couldn’t give Nem any reason to worry, to chase after me. If she thought I was in trouble, I had no doubt she’d arrive by morning, that she’d drop everything and ride in like some dark hero.

And she might just ride into something too big for her to deal with out here.

I couldn’t allow that. I couldn’t have any more deaths on my head.

“And so just disappearing is okay?”

“Maybe I did that because you were watching me,” I said.

Nem paused before answering, and boy did it feel like a dangerous pause. “What?”

“You and the Quad are always calling me, always in my business. I can’t even go to the doctor without you getting the results like I’m a child!”

“We do that because we worry. You have people who care about you, who want the best for you. Can you really blame any of us for going a little overboard? You’re the youngest in the family, and we just want what’s best for you.”

“Shouldn’t I get to decide what that is?” It was strange how I spoke.

My words were part of a lie to get out of here, to make Jarrod leave, to buy me time and reassure Nem, but that didn’t make them untrue. They were my feelings and frustration that I’d experienced over the past year—no, longer than that, since I’d felt this same stifling, suffocating isolation from life with my father.

Nem wasn’t my father, and I knew that. Nem and the others did what they did for my good, for my benefit and not their own, but their methods felt so similar that they created the same reaction in me.

Maybe that was why I kept talking, why my words came out so earnest. I didn’t want to hurt Nem, but I couldn’t stop blurting out my true feelings, even if I’d twisted them into the story I had to tell.

“I moved away because I wanted to live my own life for once. I wanted to make my own choices.”

“But you get to do that. You chose your college, your major, what you want to do. All you have to say is what you want and when have I ever not made it happen?”

I pushed away my guilt and kept going. “You have, but it’s still always been your way. I wanted to stay at the dorm, but you said we couldn’t have the right security there. I wanted to rent a cute, small little studio, but Colton decided I needed the penthouse. You are always stepping in and changing my life to the way you think it should go. I mean, what do you want from me?”

“I just want you safe and happy.” Nem’s words came out a small whisper, the voice so unlike the woman most people saw of her.

She was bigger than life, more terrifying than any monster, willing and able to destroy anything around her, but here she was like a scolded dog, tail tucked between her legs after just a few words from me.

This is the last time I’ll ever hurt her.

“I know you do,” I offered, to soothe that wound. “But I felt like this when Dad was still around. He never listened to me, never heard what I said. He just did what he wanted and forced me to go along with it. I lived my whole life under his thumb, and sometimes I wonder if that’s changed at all. Sometimes, I still feel like I have that same collar on, that the only thing that’s changed is who’s holding the leash.”

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