“Sorry my hygiene isn’t up to your very high standard,” I muttered, lacking any real heat in my words.
Yazmor moved past me in the large bathroom, his steps causing a slight squeak against the floor. A rush of water echoed off the walls, telling me he’d started to run a bath despite my snark. “Hot water will help you feel better. The heat relaxes muscles which knot from anxiety and stress. You’ve also been sweating in your sleep.”
I rolled to the side from my knees so I sat on my ass beside the toilet. It let me look over at Yazmor, who sat on the side of the tub, his eyes unbearably kind as he stared at me.
I hated that look—it told me he at least suspected what I’d experienced. I much preferred him being random to this sickening pity. I recalled the surprise on Tyrus and Hale’s faces, the way they’d widened their eyes as they’d looked at me, unsure what to do.
Yazmor didn’t act that way.
He said nothing while the water filled the tub, steam drawing sweat from my brow and making it harder to see. I didn’t bother to fill that silence, letting it wrap around me like the hug I for sure didn’t want.
All too soon, the pouring of water stopped. “Come on, Loch, it’s time.”
His hand appeared in front of me, but he didn’t grab me. Instead, he waited, giving me the chance to accept or deny.
The exhaustion had me taking his offer, and he tugged me to my feet carefully. Once on my feet, he turned his back, the reason clear.
I pulled my shirt off, the action so instinctual I didn’t even think about it at first. Once the fabric fell to the floor, however, that fucking shaking started again. It came on fast, hitting me so hard that I couldn’t seem to get my fingers to work on the button of my jeans. Hell, my hands felt so cold it was like they’d fallen asleep, turning numb and useless.
“It’s okay.” Yazmor’s words came out in a whisper before he set his hands over mine, helping.
He helped undo the button, then crouched as he pulled the jeans down my legs. It wasn’t sexy, not in the least. This wasn’t like when Hale stripped me, when he was so desperate for me that he yanked the clothing away. It wasn’t Tyrus who teased me, making each touch making me burn more. It wasn’t Gorrin, either, who had ripped my clothes from me.
Instead, Yazmor did it like he would if he undressed something small and precious, as though nudity meant nothing to him.
Then again, he’d always treated me that way, hadn’t he? He’d seen me naked when I’d first been in the Chasm and he hadn’t given it a second thought.
Considering that helped focus my mind somewhere other than the memory of what I’d just gone through, helped to hold that back even as it battered at the edges of my consciousness.
Yazmor took off my bra and underwear with the same lack of interest he’d had thus far, which was the only reason I held it together.
Well, sort of held it together. I still shook like a baby deer standing for the first time.
“In you go.” Yazmor grasped my upper arm in his hand, reminding me of just how large those hands were. Yazmor never seemed large most of the time, but every once in a while, I was forced to recognize that he was still male, still larger than I was.
The heat made me flinch when I set my foot into it.
“Too hot?” Yazmor reached past me for the cold water handle, but I stopped him.
“It’s fine.” I fully stepped over the edge of the tub, wincing as the water stung my other foot as well.
“Your skin’s turning red.” Yazmor’s voice came out oddly uncertain.
I used his grip on me for balance as I sank down, that stinging from the heat moving up my body each place it touched. I didn’t stop until I was submerged to the tops of my shoulders.
While the bath wasn’t huge like the one at my place, it was plenty deep. A small layer of bubbles floated on top, making me wonder if Yazmor had brought the bubble bath or if Tyrus had already had it. It smelled of strawberries and sunshine.
“It’s too hot…” Yazmor repeated.
I let the back of my head rest against the edge of the tub, my eyes drifting closed. “I like it like this. It feels like it’s burning away everything.”
My honesty had to come from the heat, as if it not only eased my muscle but loosened my tongue as well. Otherwise, I’d never admit such a thing. Sure, clearly I wasn’t firing on all cylinders at the moment, but that didn’t mean I wanted to come right out and say that.
It reminded me of the old saying—better to remain quiet and let people think you’re a fool rather than open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Between Yazmor and the hot water, I found it more difficult to remain quiet.
“Why am I okay with you?” I asked, the darkness behind my closed eyelids making it feel safer to ask.