“You thought what?” he snaps.
Louise’s eyes widen as she rolls her lips in. She knows I fucked up. I hate that she knows I fucked up. “I’m done,” she says, then mutters a soft, “Good luck,” beneath her breath before she hurries from the room.
“You. Thought.What?” my husband snaps as soon as the door closes.
I clench my teeth, not wanting to say the words.
“You thought Aleric would just come for you,” he says for me, and I flinch. He’s making it sound wrong, like I’m obsessed with him, like I want him to come get me. Like I think there’s some tight bond between us that’s tying us together, a bond stronger than what I share with Caden.
“I just wanted to draw him out!” I yell, unable to keep the rage in any longer. “I just wanted him to finally die!”
“By dying yourself?What made you possibly think you couldwin a fight against Aleric?”
I open my mouth, then snap it shut again, realizing he is right. The only way I would win is if Aleric didn’t want to kill me. Which would just sound crazy...even if that is exactly how I feel. Like he might beat me up and break my bones,he might leave me crippled and wanting to die,but he won’t ever actuallykillme.
Because of that bond…
I look away, my cheeks hot with so many emotions I can’t name.“Ijust wanted him to die,” I say. “It’s beenover a year,Caden. Leon –”
“Leon let you get raped and tried to kill me! I don’t give a fuck about Leon!”
“Caden!” My head snaps to him, but he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t look embarrassed or ashamed over the words he uttered.
He just crosses the room to me and grabs my hands. “I care aboutyou, Sau. I care about Jonathan. I care about Molly, Bonnie, and Ryo still having their fucking mother.”
I flinch, but he squeezes my hands, keeping me to him.
He opens his mouth, then closes it again, but there are so many words on his face. A thousand of them. A full on story.
But I can’t read any of them.
“I can’t lose you, Sau. I can’t…”
I swallow hard in the face of hisraw honesty.
“Promise me you’ll never go after him again.”
Desperation bleeds into my voice.“Then bring him to me.Please. It’s beena year and a half, Caden.”
“I’ve been trying, Sau,but he’s paranoid as fuck and our paths rarely cross.”
“What about Colton?”
His lips flatten.“We’ve talked about this, Sau.”
“No,you’vetalked about it,” I snap, pulling my hands away. “Leon was my son. I don’t care if you don’t care about him anymore.Ido. I need to get vengeance for him so he can rest in peace. We failed him, Caden.” Tears burn my throat, making my words hoarse. “We failed himas parents.Ifailed him. If I was just there for him, maybe…” I swallow hard, but my next words still crack. “I should’ve been there for him. I should’ve guided him as he grew up.”
“His choices aren’t your fault, Sau.”
“Yes, they are. Because I’m his mother. I should have been there to love him.”
Pain fills his eyes, and he pulls me into his arms. I press my cheek against his chest and let him hold me, comfort me even though I don’t deserve it. My actions killed my firstborn. I can never forgive myself for that.
I can only try to get him justice.
“Please, Caden. Bring me Colton if you can’t bring me Aleric.”
His arms tighten around me. He exhales slowly. Then he kisses the top of my head.