Page 119 of Madness Behind the Mask
“I will, Sau. I will.”
It takes him six months to get me Colton, but now I’m staring at hisbloodycorpse. He brought him to me deadbecause it was too risky to bring him alive. At first I was angry with him, wanting to kill Aleric’s son myself, to finda bit of relief from the pain and guilt constantly at war inside me.
But now that Colton’s on the floor of our living room, staring up at me with lifeless eyes, I can’t bring myself to even hate him. He looks so much like Leon. They don’t share any physical features, but there’s an essence to him that reminds me of my own son – a boy taken too soon, a son killed for his parent’scrimes,a victim of a war that will never stop and has no meaning.
A tear rolls down my cheek, the first one I’ve shed in years. And it’s over the son of my enemy.
“Did he die quickly?” I ask.
“Yes. He would’ve phased away otherwise.”
Another tear joins the first.
“Sau...are you okay?”
“I thought… I thought this would make me feel better. I thought it would…” I swallow as tears clog my throat. “I thought it would feel like getting justice. But it justhurts. It just… I killed him and for what?” My vision blurs as I keep my gaze on Colton’s face. He doesn’t look peaceful. He doesn’t look in pain either. He just looks lost. Gone. Murdered for no fucking reason.
“You didn’t –”
“But Idid,” I cry. “You might’ve dealt the killing blow, but you did it forme. And I did it for what? I killed him for nothing. It’s not going to bring Leon back. It’s not going to end this war and protect our other children. It’s not even going to deal a blow to the Blood Fangs or upset Aleric. I just… He’s dead for no fucking reason other than my selfish, stupid desire to kill him.I’m supposed to be a healer… I wanted peace...”
“Sau…” Caden wraps an arm around my shoulders, and it’s only then, when his body seems to be vibrating beside me, that I realize I’m shaking. “There are no easy choices in this life, and there’s no easy way to deal with the thingswe’ve done and come to regret. But his death doesn’t have to be meaningless.”
“How?” The word is raw desperation ripped from the bottom of my heart. I just want it to stop. All the pain. All the deaths. This vicious cycle of seeing who can hurt the other the most.
Caden turns me to face him, then tilts up my chin. “By fighting for him, Sau. By fighting for all the soldiers who are expected to die for the whims of their leaders.He had a wife who died trying to protect him –”
A sob escapes me.
“–and a child on the way.”
I jerk away, horrified over what I’ve done. Over the entire family I’ve just killed. “No.”
“You need to know this, Sau. You need to realize that these aren’t just vampires dying – faceless enemies who deserve it. These arepeople. These are husbands and dads and mothers and children.
“We fight when we need to protect ourselves, and we don’t hesitate when we do.” His eyes drop to the dead boy in front of us. “But a life should never be taken without seeing them for the person they are.”
“I didn’t see Colton,” I whisper.
“No... you just saw a vampire and the son of a man you hate.”
His words take root inside my chest, burrowing into my rib cage, wrapping their tendrils around the bone and digging their feelers into my heart. I want to fight for him.
I want to fight for all the soldiers who have died for this pointless war.
I want to fight for the future of my children,so they don’t have to livewith the pain and guilt I’ve suffered.
That my father and mother suffered.
That their parents did too.
“So why did you do it?” I ask Caden, needing to knowmore than I do. Needing to grow up from the stupid, naive child that I still am despite the decades I’ve survived.
He looks back up at me, a sadness in his sharp green eyes. “Because you asked me to.”
My heart breaks even as it grows.
I want to fight for Caden too.
