Page 81 of A Curse of Salt

‘When it’s quiet at night . . . when the halls are empty and the torches lie dying in their brackets, I think about how my hands were shaking.’

I didn’t dare look at him, didn’t do a thing but listen. To his words and to the silence that echoed all the way inside him.

‘I remember everything about that day. How the wind whipped around me, how the ship rocked, how the blade was cold against my skin. The planks were hard beneath me, unforgiving, as I knelt before Nerida, ready to die.’

He paused, gathering himself.

‘At first, it felt like water, like the sea flooding out of me. But it was a hot, red sea, and it spilled across the planks, staining them crimson, giving the Rose her new name. With each twist of the knife, I felt it pierce my soul, cutting me open in more ways than one.

‘My bones shivered when I broke through, when I tore my chest apart and reached in – my hand dripping with blood as I pulled out my throbbing heart, clutched between my fingers.’

Sunrise bled through the glass, trickling over the hollow cage of his chest. I didn’t dare move, didn’t breathe.

‘I tossed it before me, before the sea, knowing it was no longer mine. Knowing that with every pulse, I was dying, thinking I’d made a worthy sacrifice.’

There was a twist of spite in his voice as he spoke. ‘When I woke, I was even darker and more powerful than before. It broke Aron and Golde to see what I’d done – what I’d become – but I never regretted it. Never.’

I bit my tongue, stemming a flood of questions. What magic was worthy of this – of an eternity without a heart? I thought of Golde and Mersey, of Aron and his quiet, lonely fear. Which was the true curse? To live alone in shadows, or to love and lose it, five lifetimes over?

‘And was it? A worthy sacrifice?’ I asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

‘Aye,’ Sebastien murmured. ‘I was a monster before that day, don’t forget.’

I glanced down at his hand on my stomach. I hadn’t forgotten. I knew there was no way to forgive the things he’d done, knew he was driven by a darkness I couldn’t understand. Knew, and yet . . .

His hand wove into my hair and I let him pull me to him, our bodies moving against one another. I kissed him languidly, relishing in the slow torture of his touch, his long fingers sending shivers from my scalp to the bottom of my spine.

‘How does it end?’ I whispered when we broke apart.

Sebastien sighed, his breath grazing my lips before he pulled away. He fell back into the cushions, staring up at the ceiling. ‘Nerida gets my kingdom,’ he said quietly. ‘She gets me. Everything I have. She wins.’

The defeat in his voice made my throat close up. ‘You called it a curse. Can’t you break it?’

He furrowed his brow, looking . . . crestfallen. ‘I don’t know, blackbird. You’ve taught me to hope when I’ve spent the last three centuries doing the opposite. But that . . . that’s all it is. Hope.’

My instincts rose up in protest, but the pained look in his eyes told me not to pry any further. Not today.

I thought of the book Mors had given me, the stories of the Sinking Cities, the magic swirling within its pages. I could understand someone giving their heart for a place like that. What I didn’t understand was why he didn’t return, why he’d stopped fighting, why he spoke as if he’d already lost.

I curled into Sebastien’s side, feeling powerless. I didn’t know if he’d ever tell me the full story, but there wasn’t long left until the solstice – mere days before I’d need to make a decision I couldn’t come back from. I was so close to understanding, to getting the answers I’d sought for so long. I could feel myself circling the elusive truth. I just wasn’t sure I could grasp it in time.

*

I stirred back awake in the wintry daylight, my head still fuzzy, mouth dry. I reached out into the furs, searching for warmth but finding none. I sat up, glancing around the chamber in confusion. I was alone.

I could hear Sebastien – all of them, voices leaking from beneath the navigation-room door. Their grumbling piled over the top of one another as I stretched, my muscles soft with a satisfying ache.

Dragging myself out of bed, I pulled Sebastien’s coat from the back of an armchair and shrugged it on, rolling the thick cuffs past my fingertips. It sat heavy on my shoulders, its weight comforting as I wrapped it tight around myself.

‘How long?’ Sebastien’s voice was muffled, but laced with an urgency I didn’t understand.

‘Two days,’ came Golde’s reply. ‘The bastard knows.’

Their voices rose all at once, words pouring over one another in outrage. When I heard my name, and Bane’s, I padded into the navigation room, too curious to care about my state of undress.

All five of them fell silent the moment I entered. They surrounded the large table, the mood unexpectedly grave. Sebastien sat with his head bowed, facing away from me. But it was clear from everyone else’s faces that something was wrong.

Mors’ eyes widened when he saw me and I flushed, not missing the meaningful look exchanged between Aron and Una.

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