Page 21 of Amethyst

With those words, I fall harder than ever for Jenna Holland.

After all she’s been through… she’s thinking of those less lucky than she is.

“Tell me why,” I say. “Why do you want to have sex with me?”

Another sniffle. “Because I trust you, Max. I need to learn to trust men again. I need to let a man touch my body. My dream was once to have a family. To fall in love, get married, have babies. I’m very lucky. My physical exams show that I’ll still be able to bear children. I need to feel the touch of a man whose purpose isn’t to hurt me, but to show me pleasure. But forget I asked. Truly. Our friendship is much more important to me. And I know your relationship with Mimi means everything to you.”

I sigh and sit down in the chair next to her desk. “Mimi and I… We’re no longer together.”

Jenna drops onto the edge of her bed. She stays silent for a few seconds, until, “What happened?”

“We want different things.”

It’s notexactlya lie. We want a lot of the same things. The only different thing is that she wants me, but I don’t want her. Not anymore. I don’t love her the way she deserves to be loved.

The way I still love the woman in front of me.

The thought of making love to Jenn… It’s my every fantasy. But to do so solely to help her heal… Iwanther to heal. It’s the thing I most want in this world.

I could do it. I’m good at sex, and I could give her all the physical pleasure she’s asking for in a safe environment.

Iwantto do it.

But would having her once be enough for a lifetime?

Because she’s not ready for anything else, despite what she says about her dreams of marriage and family, and she clearly doesn’t feel about me the way I feel about her.

She’s asking for a favor. A favor from a friend.

I’m her friend. I’ve always been her friend, and I’ll continue to be her friend forever, no matter what. We made that pact over twenty years ago, and I’ll never break it, even if she never returns my feelings.

“I’m so sorry,” Jenna says. “But it doesn’t make any sense. A couple days ago, everything was fine.”

“Everything was never fine, Jen. I guess I just didn’t realize it until now.”

“Oh? What happened?”

You came home.

If only I could say those words.

If only I could profess my love to her.

I could, but if she doesn’t return it? My heart will break, and she needs me to be strong for her. She needs me to be a friend. Not some lovesick and heartbroken man.

“It wasn’t just one thing that happened,” I say. “It was kind of an accumulation. We should never have gotten engaged. She’s a type A personality, and she’s much more into her work than I am.”

“You don’t like your work?”

“I love my work, but I believe in balance. She works seven days a week most weeks, and when she does take a break, she’s not interested in any of the things I’m interested in. I like to run, go to the gym, camp. She prefers to stay inside and read. Plus, she’s kind of controlling.”

“What do you mean?”

“She wanted me to move in with her, and I agreed, but she kept pushing. When I wasn’t moving quickly enough for her, she hired some company to come in and pack all my things and move them.” I shake my head.

“I see.”

“Besides, I’m only twenty-six. I have all kinds of time to find the right woman.”

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