Page 95 of Rain of Shadows and Endings

The silence was thick in the room when Tessa finally stopped speaking until a flash of lightning was followed by a crack of thunder that rattled the windows. Tessa flinched at the sudden sound, turning to look out the window again. “You are not focusing on trying to control an element in those tests,” she said quietly as she watched the rain fall in the darkness. “You’re too busy trying to separate lies from reality. You’re too busy trying not to break so completely that you can’t be fixed. But that’s impossible. You always break. We help each other glue the pieces back together, but it’s never quite right. The pieces of yourself never quite fit back together the way they once did. Until eventually, you don’t remember what it was like to not feel cracked and scarred. Until eventually, you are just a shell of what you once were, but you know there’s no way to go back, so you just move forward, even if death’s song sounds sweeter and sweeter every time.”

Tessa got lost in the memories of her assessments. She remembered the six of them huddled in Corbin and Lange’s room, all of them on one small bed after a brutal round of testing. Dex had held her close while Brecken had gripped her hand tightly. When the assessments started happening seasonally, they got drunk every night after the tests were completed. Those were the nights she ended up in a mortal’s bed trying to forget everything she’d endured that day, seeking any type of escape from it all. The Priestesses always healed them of any physical injuries they received during the tests, but the mental wounds scarred, often ripping open at inopportune moments. The invisible marks were far worse than any physical ones.

“Come sit with me, Tessa.” Theon’s voice had softened a touch, and Tessa turned to find him sitting on the sofa. Axel and Luka had started their game, Luka lining up a shot while Theon had a stack of files beside him.

“I would prefer to go to bed,” she said, wanting nothing more than to curl up under a pile of blankets and sleep so she didn’t have to feel.

“In a bit,” Theon answered. “Come and sit with me for a while first.”

Reluctantly, Tessa vacated her seat in the window and moved to sit beside him, her leg butting up against his. He wordlessly passed her a blanket before wrapping an arm around her and nestling her into his side. She instantly felt calmer as the cord settled in contentment at being next to him, and she sighed. She hated he could soothe her just by touching her all because of a stupid Mark on her hand.

Theon flipped open one of the folders beside him and began reading through the contents. Axel and Luka fell into their game, light conversation taking place between the three of them, and before she knew it, her eyes were drifting closed.

They clearly thought she was asleep when Axel said, “You know she created that crevice, right?”

“It certainly sounds that way,” Theon answered mildly.

“Whatever beings crawled out of it certainly didn’t sound like earth magic,” Luka cut in, swearing under his breath at whatever was happening in the game. “I searched the gardens, but there was no sign of any beings. Even the swords were gone by the time I got back there. Since your Father did not bring them up at dinner, I am assuming he is in possession of them for his own purposes.”

“The beings sounded like something Pavil and Metias would create,” Axel replied, the sound of pool balls clinking punctuating his words. “Things of nightmares.”

“They don’t have that kind of power,” Theon said. Tessa was focusing on keeping her breathing even as they spoke, not wanting them to know she was listening to every word. She felt Theon adjust the blanket. “The only plausible explanation is that she did it.”

“How do you explain the beings then? What do you think they were?” Axel asked.

“I don’t know. She might know, but after hearing about the assessments, I didn’t want to push her anymore tonight.”

“That is fucked up,” Axel replied. “I knew they were put in stressful situations to see if their magic surfaced, but I didn’t know it was anything like that.”

“Me either,” Theon said, and Tessa felt his fingers run over her hair, then along her arm.

“If their gifts were allowed to emerge naturally around ten years, they could emerge sooner, and none of these aptitude tests would be necessary,” Axel mused.

“They are designed that way,” Luka said. “The Fae were designed to be completely controlled by the descendants of the gods. That is why their magic has to be awakened by the Priestesses for it to emerge completely. It gives Legacy a chance to master their gifts before the Fae can come into theirs.”

“Still fucked up,” Axel answered before declaring a victory in their game.

“They were designed to serve the Legacy,” Theon said dismissively. “I doubt any thought was put into how uncomfortable the Fae were made in doing so.”

Tessa couldn’t help but stiffen slightly at his obvious indifference to what she and the other Fae had been put through. She’d always envied the mortals in that way. The Legacy could really care less about the humans. They just existed in their towns and cities, rarely looked at twice, and there to carry out the mundane tasks of the realm that did not require magic.

Theon’s hand ran down her hair again, and she forced herself to relax.

After several minutes of a new pool game being the only sound, Luka said, “It explains why she’s so resilient. Why she hasn’t broken yet.”

“Partly, I suppose,” Theon agreed, his fingers stroking lightly up and down her arm. He often did the same in the early hours of the day when she was just waking up.

“I don’t know,” Axel said. “The way she spoke, she’s broken so many times she just figured out how to hold the pieces together.”

“She was put through the same assessments as the other Fae, other than those tagged to be Sources early on,” Theon said. “But she is still stronger-willed than most other Fae. The assessments cannot be given all the credit for her tenacity.”

“What else do you think she’s endured?” Axel asked, his tone ringing with a touch of sorrow.

“I wish I knew,” Theon answered. “I don’t want her to break. I just need her to bend.”

“Careful, Theon,” Luka said. “Something can only bend so far before it snaps.”

21

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