Page 48 of Rain of Shadows and Endings

She dragged her eyes to his, glaring up at him. “Will I be made to kiss your shoes in punishment for something else I cannot control?” she sneered despite the tightness in her chest.

Someone sucked in a breath behind them. Luka or Axel, she didn’t know. She also didn't give a shit. Theon’s lips thinned. “Tell me what is wrong,” he repeated, his tone deceptively calm. The same tone the Arius Lord had spoken in earlier that night. “Are you ill?” When she didn’t respond, he gritted out, “How can I take care of you if you refuse to tell me what is wrong?”

“How can I trust you to take care of me when you place me at your feet like a godsdamn dog?” she spat back.

“Tessalyn, answer me. What is wrong?” he demanded, ire glittering in his eyes.

Unable to withstand the entrancing, she answered, “I want this necklace off.”

Theon studied her for a moment, as if searching for a lie, but she couldn’t fully lie around an entrancing. He reached up and unclasped the choker, slipping it into his pocket. “What else? Why are you so pale?”

“Why do you care? Because I was not the perfect doting Source like Eviana?” Tessa asked, her tone dripping with venom.

“Perhaps we should take this to your rooms, Theon,” Luka suggested tightly from behind them. “Things will be reported back to the Lord.”

“Fine,” Theon snapped, reaching for Tessa’s hand again. She jerked it back from him, crossing her arms over her chest. Theon’s eyes darkened as his temper slipped, and he gripped her elbow, pulling her along.

A warning look from Luka had her swallowing down her protest.

The buzzing in her skin was increasing, and she could hear it in her head. Loud and incessant and needing out, out, out. The cord was vibrating too, relishing Theon’s hand on her skin. And she couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t deal with all the emotions and the things that had happened during dinner and everything else that had been removed from her control.

When they finally made it back to his rooms, Theon opened the door, standing aside to let her enter first. She crossed the threshold, going straight through the main room.

“Tessa,” Theon called after her as she walked into the bedroom. She heard the door click shut, and she heard someone else comment something about the thunder that was rumbling outside, but she didn’t slow. Crossing Theon’s bedroom, she flung open the double doors that led out to the balcony. She needed air. She needed to feel the wind on her face and to not be trapped inside those rooms. She paused only long enough to remove the shoes from her feet before stalking to the railing and hurling them both as far as she could, screaming defiantly to the sky in rage and releasing every emotion that was warring inside of her. Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled, the sound mixing with her screams, and as she sank to her knees, it started to pour. Big, cold drops splashed onto her face, into her hair. And gods, it felt amazing. Something wild and free. She was soaked in a matter of seconds, the beautiful dress she was wearing likely ruined.

Her face fell into her hands as she let herself cry all the tears of rage and anger, hurt and humiliation she had been holding back since dinner. Since she’d arrived here really. The diamond bracelet scraped against her cheek, and she fumbled with the clasp, throwing the thing across the balcony before all but ripping the earrings from her ears and doing the same. She briefly glimpsed the others standing in the doorway, staring at her in shock, clearly not knowing what to do with her.

No one ever knew what to do with her except shove her aside. Lock her away. Too wild to be something, so forced to be nothing.

When she began violently ripping pins from her hair and bringing strands with them, Theon finally moved forward. He slowly knelt down beside her and moved her hands away before beginning to gently remove the remaining hairpins. As he worked, the storm slowed. The downpour turned into a rhythmic rain, but it never stopped. It was a steady stream of something so cold, it numbed everything else inside of her.

When he finished, he took her hands, pulling her to her feet without a word and guiding her back inside. Luka was waiting with towels. He handed one to Theon before wrapping one around her shoulders.

He led her to the armchairs before the fireplace. Axel had turned it on and warmth radiated into the room, but she didn’t feel any of it. The cold of the rain had settled in her soul, icy and unforgiving.

Theon went into the bathroom and emerged a few minutes later shirtless and in lounge pants. He came to her with another towel and began squeezing the water from her hair.

Tessa stared at the flames flickering behind the glass of the fireplace. Oranges and reds and hottest blues dancing together, tangling and fighting, loving and hating.

No, wait.

They weren’t doing any of that.

Her head tilted to the side as she watched them lick against the glass that contained them. That stifled the wildfire they longed to burn. Her hand drifted up to her throat, her fingers grazing where the choker had sat. The fire just wanted to be free to do what its nature demanded of it, but it was stuck inside a glass box. It was contained so that others could harness its energy and stay warm or admire its deadly beauty. To be used and snuffed out with the flick of a switch.

“Tessa.” Theon’s voice was tentative. “You need to change out of your wet clothing.”

Her gaze remained fixed on the flames for a few seconds longer before she dragged her eyes to his. He was watching her warily, clearly unsure of what she was going to do or say. She glanced at Luka, who was leaning against the wall near the door. He looked as though he were prepared to stop her. As if he anticipated she would try to leave. Axel was like a statue by the fireplace, his features a mixture of concern and shock.

She uncoiled from the chair she had been placed in, standing onto her bare feet. Theon stepped back, giving her space. She looked at the flames once more before turning and walking through the tiny room and into the closet. Peeling off the wet dress, she left it lying on the floor while she found a pair of leggings and a thermal shirt from the island dresser. She brought the dress into the bathroom and hung it over the tub. Then she removed her make-up—or what was left of it—and brushed her teeth, staring into her eyes in the mirror, red and puffy from crying. Broken and fractured and everything she’d tried to put back together over the years shattered once more.

She couldn’t do this.

Theon had asked her to try for one night. She had barely lasted two hours before she was literally shoved under the table.

She crossed back through the dressing room and into the room she’d been given as her own space. Then again, nothing here was hers. She wasn’t even her own self here. Crawling into the bed, she pulled the scratchy blanket up to her chin as she rolled over and faced the wall. She wished she could cry herself to sleep, but apparently she was fresh out of tears, so she stared at the wall, trying and failing to sort through all the turmoil roiling inside of her. She could still hear the rain splattering against the windows in the other room.

At some point, Theon came into the room. She felt him sit on the edge of the bed. He ran his hand over her still damp hair, and all she could think about was how he had done the same while she’d sat at his feet beneath a table.

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