Page 33 of Hawke

Even though I knew that, I still felt the need to give myself a mental pep talk. As I’d done at The Box, I removed my clothes, and allowed a stranger, or in this instance, a partial stranger, to tie me up and blindfold me. A year earlier, I had been nervous as hell while waiting on my Dominant to arrive. This time, I was truly terrified.

I had this one final chance to make him see there was something between us. I wasn’t sure what I’d call it, but obsession seemed to fit right. Ryder had told me that I was one to Hawke, but as I stood there in the empty room wearing nothing but a pair of cuffs and a piece of silk across my face, I had to admit I seemed to suffer from the same affliction.

What else can explain my doing this to myself, again?

Trying to get out of my own head for a change, I focused on the things I could control. For now, that was the remainder of my senses. I took a few deep breaths, listening to the slight hum and whistling coming from the air conditioning unit. I had to be fucking crazy. The temperatures were well below freezing outside, and here I was naked in front of the artificial air. I’d certainly catch a cold, if not something worse.

The anticipation was building, especially when I thought back to the night of the grand opening. I had finally gotten what I had wanted, but still managed to lose it all afterward. It was fast… rough… but heartbreaking in the end.

Be careful what you ask for!

I had heard that piece of advice more than once growing up. It had never deterred me then, just as it hadn’t now when it came to this impossible man. And even after knowing now how it always ended between us, I’d still reach for him time and time again.

My putting myself out there once more was proof of it. And I didn’t even know why. He not only challenged and infuriated me, but I was a glutton for punishment because I’d allow a hundred men to bind me in a room like this just for another night with Hawke. He might only want my body, but I would give him so much more. Ryder’s words then repeated themselves in my head.

“Hawke needs you more than you’ll ever know.”

“I just hope you’re right,” I said aloud just as the door opened. If it was Hawke, he didn’t immediately say anything, but I knew he was getting closer. His footsteps seemed even louder tonight than they had the last time, not that I could focus much on them. My heart rate was accelerating at such a rapid pace that I wouldn’t be surprised if it beat right out of my chest.

“Little sub…” he started to say before letting out a string of expletives. “Goddammit! What the fuck are you doing here, Charlotte?”

So much for hoping I could get through most of the scene without him knowing who I was. Just like before, I’d only been blindfolded and not gagged, so I tried to think of how to proceed. I could try to alter my voice, or remain quiet altogether. Choosing the latter option, I stood there resolutely.

Darkness quickly turned to light when the silk wrap was ripped from my face. I turned my guilty eyes toward him and almost flinched at the murderous reflection in his.

“Answer me!”

I took a small breath, then tried to smile innocently. “It looks like the same thing you are, Hawke.”

“I’m going to kill Ryder for this,” he said, immediately storming toward the door.

“Hey, where are you going?” I asked. I wanted to run after him, but being cuffed to this wooden X made that feat impossible unless I could drag the entire thing with me. While not usually crazy enough to think I could, I tried anyway. The metal dug into my wrists, but I ignored the pain. “Don’t you fucking leave me again.”

I was becoming pissed off. Hawke did nothing but walk away from me every chance he got, and I would be damned if I made it so easy this time. Ryder wanted me to fight for Hawke, and I intended to, but forus.

He didn’t stop until he reached the door. “I’ll have someone get you down from there.”

I huffed at that. “If you want me to leave, then you’re going to have to do it yourself.” Hawke turned around this time, and leveled me with a glare. I shot one right back in his direction. “And don’t you even dare have someone else do it because I will safe word on every one of them until you do it yourself.”

I had no idea what the protocol was regarding everything BDSM, but I knew first and foremost, that a safe word was my protection as a sub in any scene. If it came from my lips, any Dominant would have to honor it.

His dark eyes swirled with anger, but I sensed something else in them. I remembered asking Ryder what to do in this situation, and he told me to simply fight for him. I could do that, and I would. There was no other option.

“If you want me to leave, then come over here and uncuff me yourself.” I had no intention of doing that once he did, but with the use of my hands, I’d have a fighting chance of getting him to stay.

Back in the hallway on Valentine’s Night, I had been the one to touch him first. I knew I could do it again if only he’d let me down from this contraption. I tried tugging my wrists again, this time crying out in pain when the metal cut even deeper into my skin.

“Calm down before you fucking hurt yourself,” he told me, and I watched the battle waging in his head.

I could see his gears turning. He was apprehensive, but why, I didn’t know. He even looked a tad bit fearful. That really surprised me, but I pushed it all aside when he walked over to me.

I held his gaze even once we were nose to nose, shivering when he leaned in, his warm breath tickling my chin. Remaining silent, I pleaded for him to kiss me, but he didn’t. Hawke tore his eyes from my face, but he didn’t immediately grab my wrist. He started at my elbow, trailing two long fingers down my arm.

The smallest touch from him ignited a fire within that slowly licked at my body like flames. I didn’t dare speak. Hawke leaned in, his chest covering most of mine. I wanted him to kiss me so badly, and I thought he might when his head lowered to my neck. But he didn’t. He stood there for a few seconds, then stepped away from me.

“I need to get the key.”

I closed my eyes in an attempt to stop the unwanted tears from falling. Ryder had either duped me, lied to get me to agree to this, or Hawke was in denial. Hoping it was the latter, I patiently waited for him to retrieve the keys, then return to me.

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