Page 39 of Forsaken Fate

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I wanted to cry but wouldn’t. I needed to be strong. It got harder and harder. It had been so long since I left my real life behind, sometimes I wondered if it ever was real. There was no one left in my life that I wasn’t outright lying to except for Theo. With him, it was a lie of omission, but he hadn’t yet pressed me for the truth.

And I wanted him. I had wanted to leave the restaurant with him and spend the night with him. The memory of his touch and the promise of more still lingered on my skin. I wanted his kisses, his fingers on my most sensitive flesh, his arms around me. I wanted him to hold me and never let go. Fuck me beyond feeling, caring ... just beyond. When he said he’d been holding back with me I couldn’t fathom what he meant. He made me feel things already that were new and exciting. He’d awakened something dark in me. And he wanted to give me even more. Drive me even further if I let him.

Grayson wouldn’t know. He was leaving tomorrow. Could I risk it? Could I risk not going to Theo?

How had I let everything get so complicated? How much longer would I have to keep up the lies? Everything I did was worth it. It had to be. Still, I needed a reminder.

I picked up my phone and punched in Uncle Charlie’s number. It rang four times and I thought for sure I would get his voicemail. On the fifth ring, I heard a crash and muffled swearing ... some word that ended in “ucker.”

“Uncle Charlie?”

More swearing and then he finally answered. “Yeah!”

“Hi,” I said. “It’s me.”

“Button!” I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

“Sorry,” Charlie said several decibels lower. “Stepped on the damn cat.”

The “damn cat” pretty much had a flat tail as it was. She was an old tabby with one eye and alopecia and her name was Bonny. She hated me.

“You okay? More to the point, is Bonny okay?”

“Arrrgggh!” Uncle Charlie said. “What’s going on, Button. Isn’t it kind of late?”

I climbed into the bed in one of the unfinished guestrooms. I refused to sleep in Diana’s room, on her bed. I crawled to the center of the bed and pulled the bright blue covers up to my chin.

“It’s only after ten,” I said.

“You don’t sound so good, Button,” Charlie said. “Are you coming down with something?”

“I’m just tired,” I said. My voice quivered and I tried to keep it steady. I needed to hear his voice but didn’t want him to sense anything in mine. “It’s been a long week.”

“How much longer until you’re done for the summer?”

“It’s a while yet,” I said. I knew Cornell’s exam schedule by heart. “Six more weeks or so.”

“What’s the matter, Button?” I heard a great heaving and something creak on the other end of the phone. It meant Charlie had just sunk down into his ancient La-Z-Boy. I’d tried for years to get him a new one, but he insisted this one was “broken in just right.” It was broken all right. There was probably more duct tape than leather on it right now.

“I was just feeling a little homesick.” I tried to stick to the truth as much as I could.

“Well, we sure do miss you around here, too,” Charlie said. “You sure you can’t find a weekend or two to visit after your tests are done? Cora said she’s itching to make you some potato soup. You’re probably skinny as shit right now.”

I laughed. I could weigh five hundred pounds and Charlie would tell me I was too skinny. Cora’s potato soup was a whitish stew consisting of essentially nothing but potatoes, flour and eggs. It had the consistency of spackle. It was delicious. I missed it.

The memory was enough to push me past my breaking point. I had tried to hold it together. I should never have called Charlie in the first place. Everything bubbled over and I started to cry. Charlie knew it.

“Honey?”

“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m just hormonal, maybe. I don’t know. It’s just been hard, lately.”

“I miss ya too, Button,” Charlie said. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I said after a great sniffle. I had nothing to blow my nose with.

“Talk.”

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