Page 99 of Heartless Beloved

Chester’s wide eyes go from Xi to me, flitting back and forth. He’s wheezing, clearly in need of air. Not able to think straight anymore, I stride to the car, open the passenger door, and get in.

The moment I close the door, Xi lets him go, calmly putting the lighter back in his pocket. Chester falls to the ground, coughing and heaving as Xi walks back over to his car. As soon as he’s inside, I go to open my door again. My hand is barely on the handle when his dark voice reaches me.

“Don’t even fucking think about it,” he rumbles as he starts the car and pulls away.

16

ALEXANDRA

Hate The Way – G-Eazy, blackbear

“You’ve driven this road three times now.” I wanted to say this the second time he did it, except I couldn’t find my voice. I also wanted to call Ella for her to check on Chester, but my phone is in my bag, and my bag is on the grass at SFU.

Xi takes a left at an intersection and then another left. We’ve been going around blocks in a square for fifteen minutes. His hands are gripping the steering wheel so tightly the knuckles are white, which makes me notice they’re also crusted with dry blood. He didn’t hit Chester, so it must be from something else.

A few minutes later, he takes a left again and we’re back on that road.

I scratch my throat. “If you’re lost, I can direct you back to campus.”

Staying silent, he keeps driving that same road, probably planning on turning left by the end of it again. “If you just—”

“I’m not lost, Alexandra,” he seethes. His voice is low, slightly raspy from not having talked for a while now.

“Okay,” I murmur. Doing my best to talk a little louder, I add, “It’s just that we’ve been going around in circles for a while now, and I have classes this afternoon.” I actually don’t have classes this afternoon, but maybe that’ll help convince him to bring me back to campus.

His jaw tightens but he doesn’t say anything.

I stay silent for another minute before huffing. “Xi, how long is this going to last?”

“However long it takes.”

“What is it you’re trying to do exactly?”

“I’m trying to calm down so I don’t hurt you.”

My head snaps toward him just as my heart drops to my stomach.

“You want to hurt me?” I rasp.

“No. I don’twantto hurt you.” His nostrils flare as he inhales.

My heart drums against my ears; I feel it beating in my neck and my wrists.

“You don’t like pain,” he says, straining to control himself. “You only like to be humiliated, don’t you?”

I gulp. Xi knows my body too well. I barely understand it myself, yet he seems to have it all figured out.

He finally changes his trajectory, going straight ahead and back into the main city of Silver Falls rather than the roads around the campus.

He casually changes gears, his strong hand choking the gearstick before it comes to grip my thigh. “What did I say about your ex, Alex?”

He’s not looking at me, his sharp eyes are focused on the road.

My confusion keeps me silent. He overtakes a car in front of us and squeezes my thigh. “When I ask questions, I expect answers.”

“I-I don’t know,” I admit. He stops at a red light and turns to me.

“He put himself between you and me once. You were having an attack, and I pulled over to help. He tried to stop me.”

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