Page 123 of That First Date

“But you shouldn’t be scared.” Kali comes up behind me, placing her hands on my shoulders. “You shouldn’t be scared to love Marc. He’s nothing like your father.”

Peyton leans down until she’s eye level with me. “You deserve to be happy, babe.”

“You have no idea how happy Marc has made me, Pey.” I swipe another fallen tear from my eye. “He’s taken over my life in a way no one ever has.”

“Listen… taking chances is a really scary thing. But what’s even worse is missing out on the greatest love of your life because you were afraid to take that leap.”

“What do you think I should do? What do I say?” I’m rambling now. “He confessed how he felt about me Sunday and I’ve barely talked to him since then.”

“What doyouthink you need to do?” Peyton asks. “Not what you need to do to please him, but what do you need to do foryouso that you’re able to overcome this?”

I sit there, slightly shocked at the question because it’s not something I’ve thought about. The truth is, this past week apart from him, while he worked out of the Bronx office, gave me a very small glimpse of what it feels like to truly be missing him. However, we work together so there’s still that contact with each other.

“I just don’t know if I’m able to tell him what I’m feeling yet. I think I need some time away from him to just figure my own shit out.”

“If that’s what you think, then that’s what you should do.”

His words play on repeat in my head that he told me in this same apartment…I’m not going anywhere. I hope to God that he means that.

I want to give all of myself to him, but I’m still afraid.Mypast is not something he should have to carry onhisshoulders.

I want to give Marc the love he deserves.

But that might mean stepping away for a little bit to sort out these feelings.

I’ve never had the urge to call in sick from work, until this particular Monday morning.

The sick feeling in my gut has me more anxious than I’ve ever been before. I even decided to skip the caffeine this morning despite desperately needing it because I knew it would just make my anxiety worse.

I still haven’t spoken to Avery other than a few text messages and work emails here and there while I worked out of the Bronx office. Trust me, I wasn’t there because I wanted to be, but all of my meetings for the week happened to be scheduled in that office.

Avery never leaves my fucking head. She’s the first thought I have when my eyes open and the last thing on my mind when I lay there and stare at the ceiling. I wonder what she’s doing, what she’s thinking, who she’s with. But more importantly, if she’s okay.

Let’s combine this with the fact I’m going to see Avery walk into the office any moment now and that I have a meeting with Bill at some point this morning because he’sfinallymade a decision. Although, he hasn’t told me what time he’s coming, and that doesn’t help my nerves or the situation.

Cue overwhelming nausea.

An hour and over a dozen emails later, Avery is still not in the office. But I hear the door creek open and hope blooms in my chest that it’s her, until I look up over my computer monitor and see Bill standing there.

I stand from my seat quickly. “Bill. Everything alright?”

“Of course. Sit down.”

He moves to sit at the chair across from my desk, and I take a seat in mine, wiping my palms on my pants as I scoot closer to the desk. I briefly glance over to where Avery’s desk is located, in an attempt to find some peace in the storm brewing in my office. She shouldn’t be here anyway so Bill doesn’t find out, but I can’t help but crave her comfort at this moment.

Bill must catch on. “Avery out today?”

“What? No. That’s not… I mean.”

I feel the color drain from my face, my head whipping between her office and Bill. I’m trying to figure out how he caught onto the fact it was her all along.

“Avery has been your assistant for a while.” It comes out as a statement, not a question.

“I may be old, but I’m not stupid.” He huffs out a laugh. “All new employee reports still come to my house despite me not having an actual office.”

“I-I—”

“It’s alright. Don’t get freaked out over it. That’s not why I’m here.”

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