Page 58 of Beautiful Deceptions & Sweet Miseries

"Well, that much I gathered," I laugh.

He smirks softly. "It's not always about control though. If anything, submissives have all the power. You tell us when to stop, when it's too much. It's our job to make you feel cared for, loved, trusted… the whole point of us helping you was so you could feel confident again, as well as finding yourself. You needed a safe space to heal and also to know you have the power."

"That's an interesting way of putting it," I mumble.

Beau nods. "There's different types of Doms though. When you start dating, don't always believe everyone who says they are one. Some people call themselves one as a way of wanting to be in charge. A true Dom will always take the time to make sure your needs are met. They won't ever force you to do anything you don't want to."

"I bet Aaron feels that way," I answer. "He always had to be in charge, but he never cared about me. It was always about his pleasure, his needs. I was just expected to take it."

Beau pulls a disgusted look. "He's just an abuser. But he won't be bothering you again. If he does, I'll put my fist through his face."

"Hey," I playfully scold. "No more violence. I'm a big girl. Besides, at the end of the day, I think I won. You know how there's always one ex that always does better than the other. I win by default. Because I don't have to be him."

Beau laughs, giving me a warm smile. "You are a brightness in a dark world, Addie. Never let anyone dim your shine."

"I want to say the same to you," I mumble. "You love running so much. Don't put your life on hold because of one anal pimple. Chrizzy is a tough girl. She's moved on and is happy now. You did nothing wrong by protecting your sister. You need to stop punishing yourself."

He cackles at the use of our term, leaning down to kiss my leg. "I think I'm going to be okay now."

I swing my legs out of his lap, crawling onto him instead. I wrap my arms around his neck, leaning down to kiss him. He kisses me back without hesitation, snaking his arms around my back.

"We're all going to be okay," I mutter, breaking the kiss. "Even in a storm, there's always a rainbow."

Slowly,Istartreadjustingto class life. Getting a more comfortable sleep helps, as does going to bed at a reasonable hour.

I'm enjoying the class content and spend my evenings hanging with the guys, as well as updating my scrapbook.

The first thing I put in my new scrapbook was one of the receipts from my new clothes. Also, when I can, I find myself at the track, watching the guys run.

Chrizzy is often there, the two of us bonding over our love of musicals and coffee. I even got to meet her new girlfriend, Lindsay. It feels nice having female friends again – but this time, the friendship seems reciprocated. It's not all about them and for the first time, I don't feel like I'm drowning in other people's energies.

Despite my less than amazing talent with technology, I've managed to master Jax's scanner. When they aren't looking, I snap photos of the guys on my phone doing the things they love. The scrapbook is filling with memories, photos of them running, selfies with Chrizzy and Lindsay, and this time, everything is backed up to the USB in digital form. Not that I have any fear that they will harm the scrapbook. But still, it's good to move into the current century. I'm starting to learn that change is good.

Thursday afternoon, I stroll into the apartment after class, cell in my hand as I smile at the screen. Chase is chilling on the couch, watching… Gossip Girl.

The familiar voices of Blair and Chuck pause me in my tracks as I look up and stare at the screen.

"Are you watching my show?" I ask, discarding my bag next to the door.

Chase nods. "I wanted to see what all the fascination was about. This really is addictive. How could they be so mean to Serena when she returns? I can't believe they didn't invite her to the Kiss on the Lips party."

I snort, sitting down next to him. "Oh, just you wait. It gets so good."

"I'm not sure I like Nate," Chase mumbles. "He seems up himself."

"He has a good redemption arc. They all do," I say, noticing a block of chocolate on his lap. "Ooh, thanks," I grin, pinching a piece.

Chase moves the chocolate in between us, giving me a grin before turning back to the tv.

"So, guess what?" I ask, plopping another piece in my mouth. "I have a date tomorrow night."

He gasps, looking over. "Tinder?"

I nod. "I asked out the wannabe teacher. We're meeting up for pizza."

"Fuck yeah," Chase says, lifting his hand for a high five.

I laugh, slapping his hand. "You'll have to help me pick something to wear."

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