Her jaw hardened but that was the only sign she gave that the words had hurt. Clearly, she’d found some of her grandmother’s cool. “Why not?”
I muttered a curse. “Didn’t you listen to me when I told you about my father? About what he did? He killed my mother, my sister. He killed them because he loved them and wanted to protect them. Why the fuck would I want to put that love onto anyone?”
She didn’t flinch, not once. “Why the fuck would you think that’s something you would do?”
“I told you what I was capable of. I can’t allow myself to loveanyone. It’s too much of a risk.”
“That’s bullshit,” she said flatly. “That’s just self-protective bullshit. If there’s anyone on this earth who’s desperate to love someone and be loved in return, it’s you, Caleb Cross. You’re just afraid you’re not worthy enough for it.”
The ax kept on chopping, hewing me away. But I ignored it. She was wrong. She was just wrong. She was too young, too naive. She didn’t understand.
I took a step toward her and then another, and another, wanting to propel her up against the wall. Then kiss her, fuck her, make her forget all this shit about love. But she didn’t move, she didn’t back down. Not one single step, even when we were almost touching. Forcing me to make a choice between shoving her or backing away.
I couldn’t put my hands on her, not now, not with my heart beating like a fucking drum and a sharp agony winding through me. But I couldn’t back away either, so we stood there facing each other.
The irresistible force meeting the immovable object.
Her gaze was full of the beautiful passion that was all Isabel and she didn’t look away. She wasn’t scared of me; she never had been. She wasn’t scared of my anger or my hunger, and I couldn’t fathom it.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s all just self-protective bullshit.
It might. But I wasn’t willing to take that risk, not with her.
“What are you going to do, Caleb?” She looked up at me, not giving an inch. “Are you going to push me up against that wall and have me? You can, I’d love it. But that doesn’t mean I’m willing to take the scraps you throw at me.”
“I told you that you were mine. I’m not letting you go, no matter how badly you want it.”
“I know. You did warn me. You said you’d put me in a cage, and you wouldn’t let me leave. But I don’t think you’ll stop me if I choose to walk out of here.” Her stubborn chin lifted. “I’m going to give you a choice. I want your heart, Caleb. I want your fucking soul. I wanteverythingyou are because you have everything of me. But I’m not staying if you can’t give me that. I can’t. I won’t. I’m not doing with you what Dad did with me. I refuse. I’m fucking worth more than that. And you can fling patronizing little digs about my youth and inexperience at me all day long and it won’t change my feelings for you. It won’t change what I want either.” She looked me straight in the eye. “So, sure, stop me from leaving. But if you do, you have to give me what I want.”
My heartbeat was loud in my ears, full of a desperation I’d never felt before. “Or I could just stop you and give you nothing.”
“You could. But you won’t.” She said the words as if she believed them, as if she believed there was still something in me that would let her go after I’d claimed her. After I’d ruined my fucking life for her.
“I can’t,” I growled. “I can’t give you what you want.”
A glitter of pain flashed through her eyes and then it was gone.
“Fine,” she said coldly. “I guess I’ll see you around sometime then.” She sidestepped me and headed towards the door.
Turned out she was right about something.
Even though every part of me wanted to stop her, even though every instinct was screaming at me to grab her and hold her forever.
I didn’t.
I let her go.
27
Isabel
My heart felt like it was coming apart in my chest, but I left him. I left him standing there and he didn’t come after me. He didn’t stop me.
Fury and hurt battered away inside me as I went down the stairs of Arcadia, every instinct I had urging me to turn around and go back to him, tell him that I didn’t care if he wouldn’t give me his heart, that I’d take whatever I could from him, and it would be enough.
But it wasn’t enough. It never would be, and I’d decided I was done with accepting the scraps from the people I cared about. I was done with thinking I wasn’t worthy enough for their love.
Charlotte had told me I was worthy, and Caleb had made me feel worthy, even though it wasn’t enough to make him change his mind.