But that wasn’t my problem. That was a Caleb problem. For all his blustering about how terrible he was and his ‘darkness’ and blah, blah, blah, he was a good man. He’d done some bad things in the past, yes. But that didn’t define him. That wasn’t who he was, not deep down.
He couldn’t see that in himself, but I could. I knew what he was, and I’d told him so, and if he didn’t trust me enough to believe me, then there was nothing I could do about that. He had to make the decision for himself.
So, you’ll have nothing from him. Nothing at all.
My heart tore at the thought, but I ignored the pain.
I wasn’t going to settle, not anymore. I wanted all of him and if he couldn’t give me that, then it would have to be nothing. I’d never been a half-measures type of woman.
I couldn’t make Caleb give me what I wanted, but I could at least confront my father and try to do something about their friendship, since it was me who’d caused the issue.
I’d walked away from Caleb, but I couldn’t let him drown. I wanted to fix the relationship between him, and Dad and I would.
The time for avoiding all my issues was done.
Ignoring my own fury and hurt, I took a cab downtown to the big steel and glass building that housed Fox Tech.
Dad’s office was naturally on the top floor and like Caleb, he was guarded by a dragon of a secretary called Karl, who was in his thirties, a slender, elegant man with steely gaze and a rigidity that equaled Dad’s on occasion.
Karl gave me the same kind of look that Sally did, but I ignored him. “I’m going in, Karl,” I said as I strode by. “I don’t care if he’s got a meeting.”
Karl said nothing, but I heard him say on the intercom, in strongly disapproving tones, “Miss Isabel is here, Mr. Fox.”
I didn’t bother waiting around to hear what reply Dad gave him, I simply strode on through the big glass doors into Dad’s office. He was sitting behind his desk and instantly came to his feet as I entered, his blue eyes full of cold anger.
Luckily the icy calm that had settled over me after leaving Caleb — some of my grandmother’s spirit living inside me — was still with me and I held tightly onto it.
“Isabel,” Dad said. “What are you doing—”
“I need to talk to you about me and Caleb,” I interrupted, coming to a stop in front of his desk.
Anger flickered over his face. “Don’t mention his name to—”
“Oh, stop it.” I didn’t bother to hide the tired note in my voice. “I’m not here for your righteous anger. I know you want to protect me, all the bullshit I’ve had to endure for years is all about your need to protect me. But I’ve had enough, Dad. It ends today.”
He opened his mouth, but I held up my hand. “I haven’t finished. I love Caleb. I’ve loved him for years. Yes, I know his past. Yes, I know what he’s done. The thing, Dad, is that he’s the only one who has ever given a shit about me. The only one who ever gave me the attention I wanted. He made me feel important. He made me feel wanted. He made me feel like I was worth something.”
Dad didn’t say anything, his face gone white.
“You held me at a distance for so long, and you know what I thought? I thought you it was because you blamed me for Mom’s death. I thought you couldn’t stand to look at me, because of her.”
Shock rippled over his face. Okay, so maybe I’d gotten that wrong. But still, if I let him speak now, he’d take over completely and I wasn’t having that. So, I continued, not giving him a break to stick his oar in. “Regardless, Caleb was there for me, and he always has been. That’s why I fell in love with him. I know he’s older than me and I don’t care. But as it happens, he’s not willing to love me back and since I’m not accepting scraps from him ever again, you don’t have to worry about us being together, because it’s over.” I ignored the cracks spidering out in my heart, little bolts of agony that I couldn’t ignore, no matter how much I wanted to. “But I won’t have you destroying a friendship over me. I refuse to be the thing that breaks you up. He’s a good man. He’s loyal and protective, and you need him whether you know it or not. And he needs you.” I stopped at last to take a breath.
But Dad didn’t say anything. Abruptly he turned away, striding over to the windows, and standing there with his back to me, his hands in the pockets of his suit pants.
A heavy silence fell.
“I know I haven’t been a good father to you, Isabel,” he said after a moment, his voice impossible to read. “And you will never know how sorry I am for that. When your mother died, I was so furious with the world that I thought it was better to keep you away from me.” He paused a moment and then glanced at me. “But you have to know that Ineverblamed you for her death. She wanted you so much. She loved you from the moment you were conceived, and she would have given her life up a thousand times just so you could exist. We both would.”
The shattered edges of my heart shifted and ground against each other, making the pain radiate out. But this was a bittersweet pain. Charlotte had told me as much about Mom, but having Dad confirm it…
She’d loved me. She’d wanted me. She would have given her life for me.
“If she could see the woman you’ve become, she…She would have been so proud. Just as I am proud.” Truth burned in his eyes. He meant this. “I’m sorry, Isabel. I’m sorry for all the years I wasn’t there for you. And… It should have been me taking care of you, not Caleb.”
Okay, so it was becoming a little clearer now, his anger at Caleb. “Is that why you were so angry with him?” I asked.
“That’s part of it. But you’re still twenty-three and he’s forty-two. He was your babysitter. Him taking you is a betrayal of trust that I—”