Page 37 of Bad Decisions

She was as affected by this as I was.

But not for the same reason.

When she blurted that shit about getting her pregnant, my knee-jerk reaction was to freak the fuck out. But after my anxiety had settled, the thought sat heavy and welcome in my mind.

Get her pregnant.

Have a baby with her.

That was so fucking ridiculous it wasn’t even funny. It had been something she said in the heat of the moment. There was no way a girl like her, one that had a traveler's soul and adventure in her blood, would want to settle down and be a mother.

Meredith hadn’t. She hadn’t had any desire to leave her little safety nest. All she’d wanted was to work and become the most successful woman in her company. She was on her way to achieving those goals, but she would’ve gotten there faster if she hadn’t gotten pregnant.

Something she always reminded me of.

Not that she didn’t love Emma. I knew she did. Yet no amount of love she had for our daughter made her forget about the few months she’d had to take off. She couldn’t stop thinking about how much time had been wasted. She couldn’t stop pondering how much further along she would’ve been if she would’ve never met me. If she wouldn’t have had a baby.

I stared blankly at the computer screen in front of me. Sometimes I wondered if I would’ve left her sooner if it hadn’t been for Emma. If I would’ve ever taken that next step with her if she would’ve never fallen pregnant.

I didn’t regret my time with her. She gave me my daughter, and for that, I’d always be thankful to her. But I didn’t have to like her. I didn’t have to pretend I was still mourning her death when I didn’t think I had at all.

I scrubbed my hands over my face, sighing harshly. How had this become my life? It was a disaster.

Last night wasn't a disaster…

No, that was a whole ass lie. Itwasa disaster. Probably one of the biggest of my fucking life. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the way it felt to force Reagan’s fingers to move, to force them inside her, the feel of her panties stretching until they began to rip.

After I ran away like the coward I apparently was, I barely made it two steps into my bedroom before I pulled my cock out and roughly fucked myself. Her teasing scent was still on my fingers, and it only made me more wild. I had to lock the door to keep myself from storming into her room, bending her over, and fucking her until we were both a pile of boneless bodies on her bed.

My cock began to harden at the thought. Fuck. Not again. I was hornier now, at thirty-seven, than I had been at seventeen. And it was all because of Rae.

Reaching down, I gripped my cock over my slacks, squeezing myself hard enough to hurt. A low groan slipped from my throat as I ran my tight fist up, then down, my neck straining as I tried to keep my moans silent.

The sound of my phone ringing jolted me enough I shot out of my seat. My heart pounded as I frantically looked around my desk. I snatched my cell up with shaky hands, dread pooling in my stomach at Reagan’s name on my screen.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I took a deep breath before pressing the phone to my ear. I didn’t even get a word out before I began gathering my things. The sound of Emma crying in the background had me feeling frantic.

“What happened?” I barked.

“I—I don’t know!” Reagan cried. She sounded flustered, and the sound of her usually calm voice frantic made my heart squeeze.

“Rae, baby, what happened?” I asked again, trying to hear her past Emma’s wailing in the background.

“I—I don’t know. She said her ear was hurting her this morning,” she explained, sounding breathless. “And now she’s running a fever, and she’s screaming, and says it’s hurting. I don’t know what to do. Do I take her to the emergency room? Where is it? What do I do, Elliot?”

“Calm down,” I soothed. I paced my office, my jacket clutched in my hand, the other still gripping the phone. “It’s probably just an earache. She gets them all the time.” Emma let out another howl, and I winced. “What’s her temp?”

“Right under a hundred,” she muttered. “It’s okay, Em. Hey, it’s okay, honey.” Emma cried again, and my heart shattered.

“I’m on my way,” I said, flinging my office door open. “Take her to the clinic on Oak Street. I’ll be there soon.”

“She won’t get dressed, and she won’t let go of me long enough to get her clothes,” she said, sounding panicked again. “I can’t—”

“Okay,” I breathed, pausing in the lobby. I needed to tell Tim I was leaving. Fuck. “It’s okay. Rae, listen to me. I’ll be home in thirty minutes. Will she be okay?”

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