Page 52 of My Brother's Teammates

“You’ve got this.” I thought of what Axel had told me his high school coach had loved to say to him and smiled to myself. “Pull up your diaper and get back in there, you big baby.”

Saying it to myself lacked the desired effect of motivation, but it did make me feel a little happier. I was even starting to think I would maybe survive the night. Table sixteen wanted a water, two sweet teas, and a Dr. Pepper. I was fine. I could handle a little crowd.

“Table three is asking for you, Jenny, but I swear to god, if you don’t get in the swing of things, I’m going to strangle you.” Danielle shoved a glass of water at my chest. “He wanted a water and to talk to you. He’s taking up valuable space and if he doesn’t tip, tell him not to come back.”

“Table sixteen-”

“Mom picked up your slack. Just go.”

I scurried away from her feeling like a pile of steaming crap. I tried repeating the baby speech in my head, but it wasn’t helping. I was back to thinking I might actually need a diaper for the amount of crying I’d been wanting to do.

There was only one person sitting at table three and I had to walk to the other side of the table to see who it was. When I did, my shoulders sagged and I wondered what the record was for fastest appearing headache.

Landon looked up at me and gave me a shy smile. It was one that would’ve captivated me when I was a freshman and didn’t know how selfish he was. “Hey. Can we talk?”

***Jenny***

Ifrownedathimand shook my head. “I’m working.”

“I know. I’m… I’m sorry about that, Jenny. I lost my head. Just talk to me. Please.” He reached out and took my hand in a way he never would have when we were dating. There was never any touching in public. Ever. “Please.”

I eased my hand out of his and sat on the edge of the seat across from him. “What do you need? I just got back from a break and I can’t leave the other women to do my work.”

He leaned forward and braced his forearms on the table while staring intently at me. “I was wrong. Jenny, I’ve been an idiot. I hate myself for how I treated you. That night at my apartment and in class. I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough. I love you, though, Jenny. I should’ve been stronger.”

I sat back in the booth and sighed. “Landon, this might’ve made a difference if you’d stopped me from leaving that night.”

“Jenny, I’m sorry. I was scared.” He grabbed my hand and pulled it between both of his. “You don’t know what it’s like. I’ve worked my entire life for this job. I’m on my way to getting what I want finally. If I have a scandal, I’ll never make tenure here, or anywhere. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life taking jobs that will never go anywhere. I was wrong for how I handled everything. I shouldn’t have asked you to move in. I just wanted you closer and I thought I could do it.”

I pulled my hand back to my side of the table. “Actually, I do know what it’s like. I have goals and dreams, too. You’d know that if you’d ever thought to ask.”

“Come on, Jen. You’re in college. It’s not the same. I can’t afford to just be silly and free like you can.”

I sat up straighter. “It’s ironic to hear you speaking down to me because I’m in college when that seemed to be what you liked.”

His cheeks turned burgundy and he sat up, matching my posture. “It’s not like that and you know it.”

I looked down at the table and rubbed my temples. “You’re right. I don’t think you wanted me purely because of my age. You liked the benefits, though. But that doesn’t matter anymore. You made your choice, Landon.”

“No, I didn’t.Youmade the choice for me. And you haven’t given me the time of day to talk to you since. You’ve been hanging out with those assholes and trying to hurt me with them. Mission accomplished, Jenny. I’m fucking hurt. Can we please be even and just go back to the way things were? I love you. I know you love me.”

“Thoseassholesare the best men I know. And not everything is about you. What you saw wasn’t for you.” I took a deep breath and tried to remember where I was. I couldn’t lose it. “What you’re asking me for isn’t something I’m interested in. I don’t want to go back to sneaking over to your house. I don’t want to be alone and isolated anymore because you’re too afraid of me telling your secrets. Dating you was a cage, Landon. When it was all I knew, it felt fine, but I won’t go back there with you.”

He grabbed my wrist and held it tight. “Jenny, please. It wasn’t like that. It was good with us. I know you miss me. I can see it all over your face. Don’t you think you’ve punished me enough?”

“Let go of me.” I tugged my wrist free and glared at him. “What you’re seeing on my face is disbelief. I guess having a couple of fancy degrees under your belt doesn’t make you any better at reading people in your own life, does it? I’ve moved on. I’m happy.”

“You don’t look happy, Jenny.” He leaned forward again. “Just come over and give me a chance. I miss you.”

“You’re going to expose yourself if you’re not careful, Landon. There are students in here.” I started to stand up but he gripped my hands. I was so tired of fighting that I slumped back in the booth and just stared at him. I recognized his face, the features I’d watched in awe for too long, but I didn’t recognize the man. “You’re right. I’m not happy. I’m not great at waitressing and I hate being bad at things. My roommates went out of town and all I want to do is crawl into one of their beds and cuddle. My feet hurt, I have a headache the size of Montana, my boss’s daughter hates me, and here you are, telling me all about whatyouwant. There are a lot of things that are making me unhappy right now, but those things are nothing compared to what I would feel if I was with you again.”

“Your roommates? Those guys? You cuddle with those assholes? Are you really seeing them, Jenny? It hasn’t been a minute since we broke up!” He looked around and lowered his voice. “Fine. You messed up. It’s fine. We can fix it.”

I tugged my arms free. “There’s nothing to fix. I don’t think you want me, anyway.”

“Yes, I do, Jenny.” He ran his hands through his hair and blew out a rough breath. “I fucking want you.”

“What are my parents’ names?” When he blanked, I kept going, asking him simple questions about myself. “Favorite food? Color? What’s my favorite month, Landon? What do I want to do when I leave college? Why am I majoring in psychology? Do you know any of those answers?”

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