Page 87 of Toxic Obsession

Once I calmed down a little, I grabbed my phone and Googled Dr. Metcalf in Washington. His face popped up immediately. I glared at his image, his beady brown eyes peering at me through round glasses. His smile was friendly enough, but something about him didn’t sit right with me. I noted the date of the journal entry. It was five months before the shooting. I set my cell down, my mind spinning out.

Was Dr. Metcalf a good guy? From what Ky had said, he seemed to care about him. But who recommend putting shit in a locker? I chuckled, cheering Ky on for standing up for himself. I would have done much worse to Lance and his fucking goons if I’d known. Hell, Ky and I would have both been expelled from school for putting those assholes in their place … but at least people would still be alive.

I focused on Ky’s entries again.

September 24th, 2018

It was an okay day. Lance was absent from school, which was a relief. The other guys left me alone in the locker room today, so my bruises had an extra day to heal.

I called in sick to work, but I felt fine. No one knows, but I met Dr. Metcalf at his office. He said he wanted to work with me where we could talk more openly and not be spotted at the coffee shop. It made sense, plus he’s not charging me for sessions. At least I’m getting some help, right? He’s a great guy. The doctor could have asked Mom and Dad for money, but he’s never told them he’s helping me. I guess he thought I might be a good pro bono case. I hear lawyers, doctors, and psychiatrists take on cases for free sometimes.

But I have huge news! Even though Dr. Metcalf suspected, I confessed that I was gay. I guess the safety of an office made all the difference because I told him the rest of the shit that Lance and his friends had been doing to me all year. I even told him I’d tried to go to the school counselor, but that my plea for help had fallen on deaf ears.

Dr. Metcalf was furious and scribbled Mrs. Smith’s name down. It felt good that he was angry and wanted to stand up for me. He said I reminded him of himself at that age.

I’ve been talking to him for a few months now, and this was the best I’d felt about opening up. For a change, I have a bit of hope.

I flipped the page to the next entry that was written a few days later.

September 30th, 2018

It finally happened. I’m no longer a virgin. I can’t wait to tell Bell, but she has to swear she won’t tell a soul.

I frowned, searching on the following page for a name, but he’d written another poem. A love poem. Tears welled in my eyes. I would have cherished that moment with Ky. Good for him! My excitement took a quick turn as I read the next entry a few days later.

October 5th, 2018

Dr. Metcalf looked hot as fuck on his knees sucking my cock. I came in record time. It was incredible. He reminded me not to tell anyone about our relationship, and I promised I wouldn’t, but I really want to talk to Bell. She’s the most nonjudgmental person I know, and I think she’d be excited for me. Yeah, Dr. Metcalf is older, but it’s nice to be seen and heard. Plus, he’s an expert in bed. I can’t wait until he thinks I’m ready for him to bend me over his desk and fuck me. I’m terrified and eager to take our relationship to the next step. I’ve never been so happy before.

I slammed my eyes closed, tears silently streaming down my face. Dr. Metcalf took advantage of Ky, played him. At the time this was all written, Ky was sixteen. A minor. A scared, underaged kid. That sick son of a bitch played Ky like a fucking fiddle. Even though it made me ill, I had to read on. I had to find enough evidence to ruin that fucker’s career.

October 10th, 2018

I think I upset Dr. Metcalf today. I asked if I could call him by his first name, Richard, and he snorted, reminding me that we were patient and client, not friends. That was news to me since we’ve been fucking each other for a few weeks now. Maybe he’d just had a bad day, but him scrambling backward on me messed with my head. What if he left me? He’s my confidant and the only person in the entire world I feel safe with. I’m going to puke just thinking about it.

I turned the page, devouring the words as fast as I could.

October 12th, 2018

Well, I did it. I stood up to Lance and the second he tried to come at me, I punched the fucker in the face. I wouldn’t have ever had the guts to do it on my own, but Dr. Metcalf has helped me so much. I can’t wait to tell the good Dr. how much progress I’ve made with his help. Hopefully, he’ll be proud of me and stop treating me like someone he hardly knows. It’s been three days since he objected to being called Richard and he’s been giving me the cold shoulder. Normally he messages me at night from a burner phone, but I haven’t heard shit from him. Tonight, I’ll message him with the good news.

I scowled. Ky was trying to please thegooddoctor. My jaw clenched so hard, pain ricocheted through my head.

October 14th, 2018

Dr. Metcalf rewarded me for standing up to Lance. Goddamn that man can do wicked things with his tongue and mouth. If this is how I’m rewarded, then I’ll have to make sure I keep him happy. I won’t tell him, but I think I’m in love. I really need to talk to Bell about this.

Speaking of Bell, she’s been super sad the last week, but she won’t tell me what’s happening. I know her father is a piece of shit because she told me how Adam beat Quinn. She was terrified that he would turn on Brody someday. I have to find a way to help her. She’s my best friend, and I want to protect her.

Hope flickered to life inside me. Maybe he would say what happened for him to turn on Bell. They were so close. Closer than Ky and I had been.

October 22nd, 2018

Lance is a god damn piece of shit. He released a video of me on my knees sucking someone’s cock. It was all cartoon form, but my name was plastered all over it. He made me a target to every person that saw it. Maybe being gay is more acceptable these days, but the hate outweighs the acceptance. Now, my hate is outweighing my need to do the right thing. Lance isn’t playing fair, so it’s time that I stoop to his level and make him pay. Dr. Metcalf has had some good ideas, and whenever I make a step in the right direction, Dr. Metcalf hangs out with me. I think I’m addicted to him. His praise or disappointment sends me on a crazy roller-coaster ride, and all I want is to make him proud of me. I can’t wait to see what he thinks I should do about Lance this time.

I had to take a break. Reading Ky’s words were destroying me all over again. If I’d known! God if I’d only known, I could have done something—convinced him that Dr. Metcalf was a sick fuck that was apparently super good with manipulative control and mind suggestions. I wondered how many Ky had carried out when they hadn’t been his idea to begin with.

“Dammit.” I scooped up the journal again, craving the truth as much as Ky had craved Dr. Metcalf.

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