Page 32 of Matthew

“Still—”

“You searched for him, and you found him. I see no failure on your part. Listen to me. It’s normal for you to be upset because of what happened today. You can’t show it in his presence, however. One of Matt’s issues is his determination to pile blame on himself for problems he hasn’t caused. If you suffer from guilt, he’ll feel bad for putting you through it.”

Avir was in over his head, but he had to pull it together for Matt. He had to be strong. “Would clanning him now help him? I meant to ask you once you were familiar with him and his problems. I’ve wanted to for weeks, but I thought it best to make sure it isn’t too soon. If it’ll give him the security he needs—”

“Let’s…give it awhile longer.” Retel’s smile slipped, and a furrow appeared between his brows. “Matt’s fear of being seen by whom he regards as the wrong people could be exacerbated by actually belonging to a clan. It’s a declaration of his sexual orientation, which has been taboo his entire life. Deadly, even. The reappearance of his uncle has put him on shakier ground than ever. In his mind, Valter’s com made admitting his same-sex attraction more dangerous. Hold off on the official act, though you’re living as clanmates already.”

Disappointment lay heavy in Avir’s gut. He’d wanted to clan Matt as much for his own peace as for the young man’s. “Could it happen in the near future?”

“The stronger medication will help him cope with his emotional issues and bring him to where he’ll recognize he’s safe from persecution. It’ll happen perhaps sooner than later,” Retel reassured him.

* * * *

Matt followed Avir into the common room. Masok was at his side, holding his hand. Kom brought up the rear, rubbing his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he said for the millionth time. He couldn’t seem to say anything else since the loop of terror had stopped playing in his skull.

Avir turned to him. “I can’t imagine how terrifying it was to hear Valter’s voice when logic said you’d never have to speak to him again. Mattie, I swear to you he can’t hurt you. Neither will your father.”

“I believe you. When I see him, I realize deep down he’s not really there, but…” Matt spread his hands helplessly. He was unable to understand how his brain could insist on one thing when he knew another. How could his lovers fathom it when he wasn’t capable of doing so? “Did you ever think I might be too messed up to keep around?”

A growl trickled from Kom. Avir shook his head, protest written all over his face.

“Listen.” Masok guided him to the lounger. They sat, the Imdiko holding him close. “You haven’t had any experience among people who’ll accept you as you are. But we do accept you. There’s nothing you could do to stop us from caring about you. Nothing you might do would make us want you to leave.”

“But—”

“No.” Avir knelt by his feet. He grabbed Matt’s hands and pressed them to his lips briefly. “No buts. You’re part of this clan. This is where you belong, with us, for the rest of our lives. Case closed.”

Did they mean it? Avir’s and Masok’s faces had blurred, thanks to the tears standing in Matt’s eyes. He couldn’t see their expressions well, but their tones had rung in conviction and feeling. He drew a shuddering breath.

“Thank you. I’ll try to do better, I really will.”

“You’ll do the best you can, which is good enough,” Masok said. “If you get scared, it’ll still be fine. We’ll be here.”

“Damned right. No more job interviews, no more leaving you alone until you can handle it,” Kom vowed, sinking onto the lounger and crowding close.

Matt gazed at him, misery threatening. Kom had already sacrificed so much for him. His gaze fell on the artificial arm, the gap between it and the robotic hand. If Kom hadn’t spent years searching for him, he’d have been at home instead of hurt by an explosive.

“Mattie.” The Nobek’s eyes narrowed, perhaps discerning where his thoughts had gone. “My breed lives to protect and fight for others. Keeping you safe is what I was born to do. Not keep order at the docks, not test pilot shuttles, not train retired Nobeks for productive last years. You, Avir, and Masok are my primary concern, above all others. You know why.”

You know why. It was the closest a Nobek could come to an outright declaration of love. Matt swallowed, warm gratitude bringing the hint of a smile. “I know.”

“Come here and let me show you.” Calloused fingers gripped his chin, pulling him into Kom’s kiss.

If any of them had asked Matt moments before if he wanted to make love, the answer would have been an adamant no. Why would he, after the panic and torment and guilt he’d swum through?

As the three men crowded around him, Kom’s kiss deepening, Masok gently stroking his torso, and Avir rubbing his legs, the question wasn’t so laughable. When their hands roamed intimately, peeling back his shirt, pulling free his shoes, tugging away his pants, he sunk into passion that swept away the morning’s agonies…for the moment.

They took him with slow care, hands and mouths gentle, bringing him to eager arousal and keeping him suspended there for a long while. He intuited they would have preferred to serve him, making no demands and expecting nothing from him. Before his uncle’s com, he’d been able to banish the monster’s shadow. The threat of its return lurked at the corners of his brain. Keeping Dr. Retel’s dictates about letting rational thought rule in mind, Matt defied that threat by exploring them as thoroughly as they explored him. He lingered over engorged cocks, filling his mouth and senses with their eagerness and passion. He crouched on elbows and knees before Avir, whimpering pleas until the Dramok mounted him, driving in exciting, aching fullness.

After he’d claimed what he could from them, tasting Kom’s and Masok’s seed and feeling Avir’s warmth spilling from him to wet his thighs, the Nobek and Dramok pressed him to the thick rug, holding him between themselves as Masok knelt over his hips. The Imdiko lowered himself onto Matt’s cock, stopping when arousal threatened.

“Let him come,” Avir suggested. “He’s young and will be ready for a second round quickly.”

“True.” Masok chuckled. “I remember those days all too well.”

He slid down onto Matt, who cried out as roiling excitement gathered, on the verge of detonating. Masok rose and fell over him once, and climax roared, emptying him in shattering bursts.

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