Page 22 of Gingerbread Hearts

I take a deep breath.

I truly, deeply love Violet.

Her smile, her laugh, and her passion for her career. All of her.

I will give her my heart, even if she can’t give me hers in return.

I can do this. I can do this. I tell myself over, and over again, my heart racing as I stand there. I know I love her. I know that I need to tell her. I can’t risk losing this amazing woman. I ignore the “closed” sign hanging on the window and open the bakery’s door.

***

Violet

I’m eating cookie dough straight from the tub when I swear, I hear a voice from the front side of the bakery. I ignore it, chalking it up to the wine that I’ve consumed. I’m also drinking it straight from the bottle. I’m nothing if not an expert in avoiding having dirty dishes.

“Violet,” a voice says from the other side of the kitchen doors. It’s clearer this time.

“Weird, no one knows I’m here,” I whisper to no one. I move from my place at one of my baking tables to go see who’s out front. I assume it’s just Bethany. She lives within walking distance and probably noticed the lights are on after hours during an evening walk with her husband.

As I approach the door, I slow my pace. I can see through the little windows on the kitchen doors that it’s Jake standing in the bakery.

I groan loudly. I don’t want to talk to him right now. I’m still sober and sad. The cookie dough and alone time was brief, and I’ve only had a couple swigs of wine. The combo has done nothing to help heal my heart. I duck and crouch under the door’s window. I close my eyes, wishing he’d leave. But when I stand and peek out the window, Jake is still standing there in the middle of the bakery.

Okay Violet, pull it together. I almost break my teeth in a clenched jaw.

He probably wants to tell me all about how he’s a partner at his firm. How he wants to celebrate and all his upcoming plans in the city. How he’s going to leave any day now to get back to his regular life. And how that doesn’t involve me. The words I’ve heard before but will be even more painful coming from Jake.

Let’s get this over with.

I hold my head high and just leave the kitchen. Like ripping a band aid off a scab.

“Violet, we need to talk.”

I let the kitchen doors swing behind me. The sense of dread fills me. To this point, I’ve been the one to ends things when they were getting too real.

I can only protect my heart by keeping it closed off. But things with Jake got complicated. My shields cracked and I began to love again.

“Hey Jake.” I move closer to him. “How did you know I was here?” I pull my chef jacket closed over my chest. I had put it on earlier to feel comforted, but also to keep cookie dough off the velvet dress.

“This may come as a surprise, but I know you Violet.” His voice deep, almost taunting, but not quite the right tone for that. “Probably more than you care to admit, but it’s true. And I think that if you take a moment, you’d realize how well you know me too.”

I cross my arms across my chest and tap my foot impatiently as I wait for more words from Jake. The silence is thick between us. I just want him to get it over with, to break my heart so I can go back to the solace of my kitchen and mourn.

“I have something I want to tell you and I wanted it to be face to face,” he says breaking the silence.

“If it’s about your new job, I heard everything at the party,” my voice cracks with the final words. Tears prickle the corners of my eyes, wiping swiftly, I clear them with my jacket sleeve.

Damn it, Violet. Get it together.

“Oh, so you know everything?” he looks at me quizzically, his hands in his pockets.

His eyes holding mine. I just nod a quick yes. I’m afraid that I may start sobbing with any sort of sentence I could reply to him with.

He sighs. “Do you know I’ve decided not to formally accept it?”

My heart skips a beat. My arms uncross as I hold his gaze. “What do you mean Jake? You have to take it. That job is your dream.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. From him and from myself. I want him to stay, but I don’t want to be the one who he regrets later on in life when he wishes he would have followed his dreams.

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