Page 36 of Beautiful Envy

“How did you get into modeling?”

“My mother. She started me at a young age. It was fun at first. A way to make my mom happy and earn toys. When I got older, I saw it for what it was—another way she controlled what the public saw. It was about her image. Being a Lawson came with expectations, and most weren’t enjoyable. When I was able to escape her clutches, I used modeling as a way to support myself. Unfortunately, without my mother there to control my career, I made reckless decisions to exert my freedom, leaving me in vulnerable positions.”

“What happened?” she asked.

I shook my head, not ready to go down that road tonight.

“Another time, Sunflower.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No, it’s okay. I just don’t want to open that can tonight. I want to stay in this moment with you.”

She reached over and squeezed my leg. Her touch sent shivers through my body, instantly waking up my cock.

“How did you meet Bubba?”

“He was the one to pull me out of that darkness. I was here for a photo shoot and was out drinking with some of the other models. We had way too many drinks and ended up at the tattoo parlor. Everyone was daring the other to get something. I ended up in Bubba’s chair. I guess he saw something in me. He refused to tattoo me but offered me a place to crash. In doing so, he gave me something I had never had before. A true friend and, eventually, a brother.”

“I never would’ve guessed that by looking at him.”

“That’s Bubba for you. He’s a big softie under all of his muscles and tattoos. With his help, I crawled out of the darkness I’d been trapped in. With his guidance, I was more selective about my modeling jobs, allowing me to stay away from the dark parts and reap the benefits. He taught me how to ride a motorcycle and introduced me to a hidden passion for fixing up cars. He saved my life.”

“That’s why you’re willing to do this relationship? Because of Bubba?”

“Yes and no. Jackson leaving was hard. It shifted something in us all. I honestly thought Cowboy was crazy. I was going to pretend to be okay with the playboy lifestyle as long as I could pull it off. It seemed easier than falling in love and risking losing my family. So, yeah, wanting to stay together is a big draw. But I also believe in it. Together we can love one woman like she deserves to be loved. I’ve seen it in action, and so have you. I can’t argue that it’s not worth trying. Can you?”

I pulled into the parking lot of the bar and turned to Darcie. Her eyes searched mine, looking for something.

“No, I can’t. I do want this. I just wanted to hear it from you.”

My heart settled, my grin returning as I stared at the beautiful girl.

“Then let’s boogie, Sunflower. Here’s to a night you’ll never forget.”

Diary #11

Dear Mom,

For the first time since I started writing you, I feel hesitant about telling you something. I don’t think you would judge me, but the world has pretty firm beliefs about this sort of thing.

But since this is my journal and my place to process, here it goes.

I have my own harem.

What is that, you ask? Well, when more than one guy likes a girl, and the guys agree to share the same girl, they form a harem.

Doesn’t that sound lovely?

I’m going to assume you said yes because it is. It’s very lovely.

It’s also very hot, and thoughts of what it will be like with multiple partners are filling my mind currently.

But really, it’s the best solution for my problem. I like too many people. Maybe it’s some weird attachment thing because of the trauma, but I’m going to believe it’s because I have a big heart capable of loving more than one person.

So, I am.

Brooks and Grayson are currently on board. I just need to figure out Bubba. I think I have an idea, though. And I feel confident these lips will be kissed soon.

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