Page 73 of It's Just You

21

Finn

Kane completely blew my mind.

There were no other words to say it. Who would’ve thought he’d be this… I couldn’t even find words to explain how caring and sensitive he was.

What blew my mind the most, though, was his easy acceptance of my need to cover up my scars. A large part of me did want to show him my face as it was, to let him see all of me, but I couldn’t. Not when years of bullying still rang loud in my ears.

Besides, even after all of this, there was a chance he would be repulsed, right? He hadn’t run away before, but what if he—

I snorted. He’d fallen in love with me because we had some kind of connection. He definitely wouldn’t run, no matter what. But the little voice in my head didn’t shut up, always making me doubt my hopes and dreams. Even though I did my best to make it shut up, it wasn’t easy to accept that things might be different this time… with Kane.

Besides, we had a lot of things to deal with, and none of that would be easy. So why make it more complicated by adding more issues? So far, things were going fine between us without me adding to the pile. As long as he was fine with me getting up and applying makeup before he saw me for the day, I was going to roll with it.

A lot of things had changed through last night and today, but mostly, the need to find a solution for how to make this long term was front and foremost. We’d have to go long distance for now, sadly, but I couldn’t see any other way to make this happen. Then we needed to fix things with Sam, or the rest of the break would be awkward as fuck.

And… Ugh. I didn’t want to think I’d have to come back to this shithole town more regularly, but I’d have to if I wanted to see Kane. Fuck, I’d known there were even more downsides to this whole thing, and I’d just found another.

“I can feel you thinking,” Kane murmured lazily from next to me. He’d fallen back asleep after a mutual blowjob, and he’d been snoring softly in my arms, but apparently he was awake now.

“Trying to come up with solutions for problems we might have.”

“Share?” Kane pressed a kiss to my shoulder and managed to come even closer.

“Just… practical stuff. How to go on with the two of us, with Sam, with… you know, all of that.”

Kane groaned. “You’re supposed to be floating in post-orgasmic bliss, not thinking about my brother.”

“Oh, I did, but you decided to take a nap, so I had time. Sorry, dude, but I can’t float there for hours. Besides, it’s past ten already. Even I usually get up before ten.”

Kane chuckled, then sat up. “Past ten? Wow. I didn’t think I could sleep that long if I tried.”

“See, that’s what sex does to you.” I pulled at his shoulder to get him to lie down again, missing his closeness nearby. “Besides, we’ve been up and down since five thirty.”

“Well, if that’s the secret, I might need you to help me sleep in a little more often.” He followed my tugging and landed right on top of me this time, kissing me instead of letting me get an answer in.

By the time he finally released me, I was panting hard. “You want another round?” I raised my eyebrows. “Did I create a monster?”

Kane laughed, the deep, full, happy sound I’d come to love as much as the rest of him. “I wish, but I want you to fuck me again, and that’ll have to wait a couple of hours or so. Otherwise, I might not be able to walk any time soon.”

“I’m more than willing to switch places, remember? The offer still stands.” I cupped his cheek and pulled him into another kiss.

“I know, but for now, that was so amazing that I want it again. We can try me doing you another time. I hope there will be lots of opportunities to try it.”

I couldn’t help myself. I kissed him again. “If it was my choice, yeah. Definitely. I actually thought about that as well, wanting to stay close to you, but I haven’t found a way to make this work… except by having a long distance relationship. Which would suck, but it’s better than nothing.”

This time, I didn’t kiss him, instead looking into his eyes as I waited for a reply. Even after this weekend, I wasn’t too sure he’d want that as well. What if I was just a way to pass the summer?

I felt like I’d been hit in the stomach with a fist, making it hard to breathe. Oh my god. That was exactly what Kane had been to me. I’d been the asshole flirting with him, making him fall in love with me… What if he ever found that out? Oh, god, I was such an asshole.

And now, despite all evidence to the contrary, I was worried about him being just the same.

“I want to see you again, be with you… I figured with us going without condoms, with telling each other we’re in love, that this was going to be something longer…” He trailed off, sounding insecure.

“Oh, I want the same. I just wasn’t sure… you know?” I hastily added, still feeling sick to my stomach.

“No, Finn, I don’t,” he said softly. “Actually, I kinda expected we’d keep going, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have agreed to going bare. And I thought you felt the same, honestly. I guessed…” He averted his eyes.

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