Page 47 of It's Just You

I breathed deeply, trying to sort through my feelings. “So you say you’ve never been attracted to someone… like this.”

Kane nodded.

“I can’t wrap my brain around it. I’m sorry,” I told him. It didn’t make any sense to me.

“Let me guess, you’re not demi,” Kane commented dryly.

I snorted. “No, which is why I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now.” I looked at him, at his beautiful face. “I think I owe you even more than one apology then. I wasn’t only rude; I was a complete asshole. I can’t even imagine what it must’ve cost you to take the first step, and my reaction was to push you away.”

“Why don’t you tell me why you did it?” Kane’s voice was gentle, so much gentler than I deserved.

It only made me feel worse because he was so goddamn understanding. “I told you I’ve been hurt, so that was… the main reason.” My cheeks heated. “And I like you, maybe a little too much, so I panicked because I thought you were just experimenting with me. I could deal with a little bit of flirting and some joking, but I was so startled when you kissed me. I was so confused.”

Kane wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for hurting you because I didn’t talk to you first. I should’ve given you a heads up. In my defense, you’ve been flirting with me, so I sort of figured you wanted me, you know?”

I laughed and leaned closer, resting my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes as I breathed him in. “I’m sorry for freaking out on you like I did. I totally got it wrong, and I have to admit it was shitty… flirting with you, then pushing you away when it led to something.”

Kane held me, and I relaxed even more. “I guess an open talk before the kiss would’ve helped?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Probably.”

“So, and now? I mean… The cards are on the table, right? I’m… I still like you, but I’m still not sure about all of this. I’ve never been with a guy before. I can’t promise I’ll like it when it comes down to it, and I can’t promise you I’ll be what you need, what you want, any of that,” Kane replied.

I couldn’t open my eyes, feeling too comfortable on his shoulder, and I relaxed after the tension of the last few days started to drain away. But one thing stuck out in what Kane had said. “Why are you only worried you won’t be what I want or need? Why don’t you worry about it being the right thing for you? You’re the one who doesn’t know what he likes yet. Maybe I’m all wrong for you.” I bit my lip, not even sure where the words were coming from.

“Because right now, all I can think about is kissing you again, and I know I’d be happy with it. I’m pretty sure you are what I need, because I can’t even imagine being with anyone else.”

Way to fuck with a guy’s heart.

It stopped, then thundered on like I’d just done the most intense workout in my whole life. “Look… one more thing about how I reacted. I dated this guy who thought he might be bi, or maybe was just experimenting, and he hurt me pretty bad. I was just… afraid history was going to repeat itself.”

He frowned at me. “I can’t promise I won’t hurt you, Finn,” he said slowly. “But I’m not just using you.”

It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Then I opened my eyes, looking up at him. “I have no idea what to say.”

“That has to be a first, right?” he teased me.

I snorted, then dug my fingers into his ribs, tickling him. Or tried to, because those muscles made it hard as hell.

Kane still laughed, rolling himself back until I ended up on top of him, feeling his body beneath mine.

Oh. My. God.

Knowing I wanted him was one thing. Knowing he wanted me was another. Knowing I was the only person he’d been attracted to like this? Best thing ever, even if it did make things more complicated.

“Can we try again? Or do you want to take it slower?” Kane asked.

I looked down at him, at his eyes, his lips. “Why are you the one asking me if I want to take it slow when you’re the one who’s never been with a guy?”

“Because I know what I want. You’re the one who’s hesitating — and for good reason, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t want to push you.”

When had he turned the tables? When had I become the insecure one?

I wasn’t. Not really. I knew what I wanted. Except for the fear of getting hurt, I didn’t have anything holding me back. I wanted Kane, wanted him so much it hurt. That was what made it even harder to see he had feelings for me, but it also made my decision easier for now.

I lowered my head and kissed him. This time, I had no intention of leaving, of running away.

This time, I would stay.

---