Page 46 of It's Just You

“Sorry.” I still didn’t know what else to say, and my gaze couldn’t manage to leave his chest for even a moment. Fuck, he was beautiful.

“No need to be sorry. Let me grab a shirt.” Kane set his laptop to the side, showing off more of his rippling muscles as he moved, then got up. Thankfully, he was wearing sweatpants, but it still didn’t stop me from staring as he grabbed a shirt from the back of his desk chair and pulled it on over his head. That, of course, made his muscles bulge even more before they were covered completely, leaving only his lower arms bare.

I swallowed, trying to get my tongue to work again.

Silence settled over us, and all I could manage to do was close the door behind myself. Bad idea, as it turned out, because now he felt even closer. The fact that we were alone, and no one could see or hear us… Fuck. I needed to get my brain under control. I needed to concentrate on apologizing, on explaining, on making amends — not on trying to come up with ten ways to fuck Kane or get fucked by him in turn.

Now if only my brain would get the memo, too… and my cock, because that was definitely on board with the let’s fuck Kane idea. Like nothing had ever happened between us, like I hadn’t totally fucked up. Like he’d really go for that.

I swallowed again, but it didn’t help anything.

Kane looked at me with an expression I couldn’t read. “What brings you here?”

“I—” I cleared my throat. “I brought Sam’s clothes. Washed them, too.” I held out the bag, like I was offering a gift.

“You could’ve given that to Mom.” Kane’s expression changed a little, but it didn’t tell me anything more about how he felt. I had no idea how I was going to do this so he wouldn’t be mad at me anymore.

“I could have, but I wanted to see you. I wanted to see if we could… you know… talk.”

Kane raised a brow.

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you. And I didn’t want to text you ahead of time, because I wasn’t sure you’d reply. I was… I’ve been an asshole, and I wanted to apologize for how I treated you.” There. I’d said it.

Kane looked at me like I’d just told him I ran marathons for fun. “You’re sorry? What for? I mean, I…” He stopped himself, sighed, then looked away. Then after a moment, he met my eyes again and patted the spot next to him on the bed as he sat back down. “Come here and let’s talk, okay? I would suggest getting some ice cream or going downstairs, but I’d feel better if we had some privacy.”

A nervous little laugh escaped me. “Yeah, I think so.” After taking a deep breath, I went over to the bed and plopped down next to Kane, where I immediately got hit by his smell, a mixture of his shower gel and just… him. Fucking delicious.

Focus, idiot. He hasn’t thrown you out yet. Use your chance without getting distracted.

“Now let’s start again, please. Because I was trying to find a reason to contact you and try to explain a few things to you. But it seems like you had the same plan,” he said warily.

“Do you want to start?” I asked. I could hope, right?

“You already did. I can go first, though, if you want.” Kane looked at me, his expression unwavering.

I averted my eyes because I didn’t have the same confidence he did. “I think that might be better, but I… Yeah, I think I need to get it over with. I don’t want to… don’t want to drag it out.” I really didn’t want to start, but if I didn’t get going soon, I’d never find the right words. It was now or never.

“Okay then.” Kane nodded to me.

I sighed. “I wanted to say again how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you. It’s just… I thought you were straight, and you said so over and over, then suddenly you weren’t that straight anymore. And I just… I panicked. I can deal with a lot of things, but not with people using me to figure out if they’re bi or whatever. I’ve been hurt in the past, and I’ve never really been able to move on from that. So when you kissed me, it was… It was great, it really was. But I’m terrified to get too attached, because then you’ll figure out you’re not into guys at all and I’ll—”

Kane placed a finger on my lips, shutting up my rambling. “I think I need to interrupt you here.”

I looked at him. His finger was warm against my lips, a little rough, and I wanted to kiss the pad of it.

“I’ve been with people before, but I’ve never been all that attracted to them. Not the way other people are. I’ve had sex, but it didn’t mean anything, and I didn’t care for it.” This was starting out well — not. “And truth is, I’ve never been attracted to a man. Not even really to a woman. I did some research, and I guess I’m demisexual? I need a connection to someone in order to be attracted to them. So when we started hanging out, I guess I started making that connection. I liked you from the moment we met again, I absolutely enjoyed your company, and whatever I saw, I just… Well, I liked it. Then one day, I imagined kissing you.”

I sat there, completely at a loss for words. What Kane was telling me didn’t make any sense. Well, it did, but my brain refused to easily understand what it meant for him — for either of us.

He bit his lip. “No comment?” Now he was the one who sounded insecure.

I indicated his finger, which was still against my lips. Of course, I could’ve still spoken like that, but it seemed rude.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” He pulled back, placing his hand awkwardly in his lap.

“No worries. I just wasn’t sure if you were done.”

“I am. At least for now.”

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