Page 31 of Unsure in Love

“Hey, I never said I don’t like children.” I frowned, feeling bad that I ever gave that impression. “Why wouldn’t I? The little humans have never done anything to me for me to not like them.”

Ken held up both palms. “Okay, fine, you never said you don’t like them, but I know you don’t like the idea of having your own. You’ve said as much.”

“Right, because what would I have to offer a kid? It doesn’t just take money to raise one. You have to give them time and attention. You’ve just emphasized that I’m pretty much married to my job.” And honestly, the thought of having another person depend so much on me scared the shit out of me. What if I messed up immensely as a parent?

Blowing out a breath, I massaged my forehead to ward off the imminent headache. I’d been to war for Christ’s sake. I had been shot at more times than I could count. I’d had machetes wielded at my head, and I’d never felt panic. Yet, there I was sitting in a bar drinking before five p.m. and freaking out over a baby. A baby that wasn’t even born yet. I was panicking over a fetus.

“Sweet mother of all that’s holy.” I shot back my whiskey and turned to my friend. “Ken, I’m freaking out.” I had to say it out loud because it was so shocking to me, and I could no longer hold my shit together.

Ken blinked. “You’re always freakishly calm. What on earth could have you so riled up?” He glanced at my empty shot glass. “And drinking like a fish? You don’t usually drink this much.”

I signaled the bartender for a refill. It was a good thing we walked here because I’d need a little time to sober up before getting behind the wheel. Luckily, I had a few hours before seeing Cass tonight. If I didn’t show, she’d get the wrong impression.

“I’m having a baby.”

Ken was in the process of taking a sip of his beer when the news hit him. He choked and coughed, all the while giving me a bewildered look. He looked ridiculous, and I set aside my distress to chuckle.

“So you’re just messing around then?” He scoffed. “Very funny.”

“No, I’m serious about the baby. I just can’t help laughing at your comical reaction.”

“Jesus, Damian. You’re having a baby?”

“Well, not me, but yeah. I’m going to be a father.”

“Well, of course not you.” He rolled his eyes. “The fuck? How… who did you knock up?”

“Well, she’s four months along so take a guess.”

He went quiet, then his jaw slackened. “Oh.”

Scowling at him, I warned, “When you see Cassandra again, don’t act weird. I’m not even sure I should be telling you yet.”

Cass and I hadn’t even discussed it further. I had no idea if she wanted me to tell anyone, but I had to get it off my chest, and I trusted Ken.

Facing forward, Ken blew out a long breath. Building a business together meant we spent a lot of time with each other. Since Ken knew me better than most, he knew I needed to be left alone with my thoughts for a little while, so he was quiet. And when I emptied my glass again, he called the bartender over for a refill and ordered another beer for himself.

After a while, he knew it was the right moment to ask, “So, other than panic, how are you feeling about the whole thing? I don’t know if I should offer congratulations or freak out with you.”

Peering into my glass, I grunted my amusement. “It’s not that I’m absolutely horrified by a child, Ken.” I glanced at him. “I just don’t know what the hell to do with one.”

He snorted. “You and me both, compadre.”

“I mean, I didn’t think I’d ever have one. I’m not prepared. You know how I like to prepare for things.”

“Yeah. Well, you have five more months to prepare, so…” He lifted his beer bottle. “I’m going to go ahead and congratulate you, baby daddy.”

“Jesus,” I groaned.

He chuckled and slapped my shoulder. “Chin up, man. You won’t crash and burn. You’re a stand-up guy, and you always do the right thing. Take comfort in that.”

Swallowing, I tapped my glass against his bottle because… what the hell? There was no going back now, right?

13

CASS

I’d never had a panic attack before, but I felt like I was on the verge of one. Holed up in my hotel room the entire day, wondering if I’d run Damian off for good didn’t help either. After he left last night, I couldn’t help feeling as if he’d woken up this morning and decided that a woman he’d accidentally impregnated wasn’t worth the trouble.

---