Page 38 of Deserving Maddie

"Why me? You could have your pick of any woman, and you choose the one who’s a hot mess express with so many issues that any normal person would be running in the opposite direction."

"I guess it's a good thing I'm not normal."

"I'm serious, Ray."

Yes, he could see she was. Humor clearly wasn't going to work in this situation and that was his go-to for everything. Instead, he was going to have to do something he was uncomfortable with.

Share his feelings.

"Yes, I can see that, so I'm going to give it to you straight. I don't do feelings." He filled his chest with air, and slowly blew it out. "For the longest time, I thought love was a crock of shit. My parents used to say they loved each other, but all they did was cheat on the other. They had some sick perversion that made them constantly want to stick it to the other. I swore I would never have that in my life. Then I started working for Wes and I saw the difference. My teammates found real love, but I still didn't think it was for me. Then I met you. I wouldn't go as far as saying it was love at first sight because, obviously, it was only supposed to be one night. Then you snuck away and I couldn't stop thinking about you. I tried chalking it up to being blown off, and maybe if I never saw you again, then eventually I could've convinced myself of that, but there's something more here."

Maddie looked ready to interrupt him, so he held up his hand.

"Let me finish. I have no idea what that something more is. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about you. I haven't had another woman in my bed since you. I've tried. Believe me, I have, but I just couldn't do it. So no, I'm not willing to give you up, and if that means we go at a snail's pace, then so be it. As long as it means you won't be shutting me out again. I can't handle that."

"I didn't want to shut you out," she confessed.

"Good." He smiled. "So don't let it happen again and we'll be fine."

The smallest upturn of her lips was all he needed. He grabbed her hips and repositioned them so she was straddling his lap. The heavy weight of her palms on his chest comforted him.

"It's going to take time for me to bring Gabriel around. Charley will be fine with it. She was never close to her father anyway, but Gabe worshipped him and it only got worse after Anthony died."

"That's okay. I got plenty of time. I'm not saying I plan to be parking my ass in your bed this week, but I would prefer not to be your dirty little secret forever. But I know it's going to take a while before you introduce me to your kids."

Maddie groaned and dropped her forehead to his chest. "Did you have to say dirty little secret?" she mumbled into his shirt.

He couldn't stop himself from chuckling. "I feel like there's a story here."

"Not a story." Her face was still pressed against his chest, so the words didn't hold much conviction.

"Now I really want to know."

He scooched himself down enough until Maddie was forced to look him in the eyes.

"Much better. Now tell me why that phrase bothered you."

There was so much insecurity on her face that he wanted to smash whatever caused it into a million pieces.

"You never officially told me, but my guess is you're about mid-thirties."

He had no idea what his age had to do with anything, but he answered her anyway. "Yeah, I'm thirty-four."

Ray was one of the younger guys on his team. Most were closer to forty at this point. He never really thought about his age. It was just a number.

"Oh, great." Her head once again hit his chest.

"I'm not understanding the problem here, baby."

He really wasn't. He couldn't fathom why his age was coming up as a topic of conversation. He never asked a woman how old she was, except to make sure she was of legal age and even that stopped a long time ago. The immature ones didn't do it for him anymore. He preferred to avoid the high maintenance and drama that sometimes accompanied them.

"I'm forty-one. That makes me seven years older than you. I'm practically a cougar or robbing the damn cradle."

It would probably be inappropriate to laugh when he could see how important this was to her, but the fact that she thought she was robbing anything had him ready to bust a stitch.

"I know exactly how old you are and it never even crossed my mind, other than to think you look smoking hot for your age. Second, you certainly arenota cougar. Sure, we met in a bar, but based on your reaction just now, you don't regularly troll them looking for a younger man. And lastly, seven years is nothing. If it were the other way around, you wouldn't have even thought about our ages, so you can get robbing the cradle out of that pretty little head."

Maddie didn't look convinced.

---