Page 31 of Playboy Billionaire's Secret Baby

I guess Lexi isn’t quite ready to talk to me just yet, but she’ll know that I have reached out. She will see the olive branch and hopefully respond. We can talk and I can finally get answers. After that I can move forward. Until I know for certain, I’m stuck in limbo. I can’t make any decisions either way. My future is hanging in the balance, depending upon another person. I don’t like that feeling at all.

Chapter 21

Lexi

Ican’tevenforcemyself to smile; that’s how bad it’s gotten. Absolutely everything is being affected, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. I’m definitely not working to my highest standard, which Iknowwill upset Evan. I can’t even begin to have all the fun I thought I would in Italy. I should have guessed that getting mixed up with Frederico again could only end badly. What’s really annoying is that Ididknow. A little voice was screaming in the back of my head, and I stupidly chose to ignore it. I went for what felt good in the moment, without worrying about the consequences.

Now, here I am, stuck at this horrible crossroad, not quite sure what to do.

“Lexi, you’re going to have to come down here,” Mom calls up the stairs. She keeps trying to force me out of bed whenever I’m not working and James doesn’t need me. It’s too hard; I can hardly force myself up. I wish she’d leave me alone. “I need to talk to you. Come on, you know this is important.”

I sigh heavily, taking every bit of effort I have to get to my feet. I owe Mom this conversation. I haven’t really since Allegra’s party, maybe even since James was born, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to have it now. But it isn’t up to me anymore. I’ve left it too long. Mom’s waiting at the bottom of the stairs with pure concern flooded across her face. I hate that I’ve done this to her. I’m the cause of this issue, but I don’t know how to make it better. Not without making myself better…

Every time I reconsider how to get myself out of this psychological pit I’ve dug for myself, I can’t see it happening in Italy. I don’t want to give up on my dream because I fought so hard for it, but I’m wondering if I should go back home to the UK…

It feels like I’ll be running home with my tail between my legs, however, but perhaps right now that’s the best thing for all of us - for my whole family. I’m not quite sure if I am in a position to make any real decisions for myself. Maybe Mom can help.

“Come on,” she says softly as she sees the sadness on my face. “Let’s sit down and really talk things through. I think we have a lot to talk about, don’t you?”

I sniff and nod. Much as every fiber of my being wants to repel this conversation, I’m hoping that once these floodgates open, it will go a whole lot easier. “Okay, yes, Mom. Let’s do this.”

I watch her across the kitchen as she puts the kettle on for tea. I can’t stop my stomach from flip flopping like crazy. I could throw up at any given moment. Mom seems to be pointedly ignoring me, not making eye contact yet. I don’t know if she’s trying to give me time to work out what I’m going to say next. I don’t think it matters what I say, as long as I get the truth out.

“Here you are.” Mom smiles warmly as she sits across from me, a steaming cup in hand. She’s trying to create an open space for me to be honest and tell her everything. That only floods me with intense guilt for not being truthful beforehand. “I think it’s time to start talking, isn’t it?”

I nod along because I know she’s right. “Yeah, I know it is.”

“This is something to do with the handsome man from the party, isn’t it?” I stare at Mom in surprise. I didn’t know she’d worked out that much. “I sensed something between the pair of you at the dinner table. I also guessed that he was the reason you wanted to leave early.”

I swallow hard. “Yeah, sorry about that. It’s all been a bit messy.”

“Has he been treating you badly?” Mom cocks her head curiously to one side. “I was charmed by him when I first met him, but I’ve lived long enough to know that the most charming men in the world can be the worst.”

Instantly, I shake my head no. “No, he isn’t a bad person. It isn’t like that. But he also isn’t the sort of person I should be anywhere near. He’s a player.”

“Are you sure about that?” Mom looks shocked. “Because he was looking at you…”

I shake my head; there’s no way I can hear the end of that sentence. I can’t bear it. I don’t know where she’s going with this and if I can't stomach it when my head is already all over the place.

“I don’t think he really likes me, Mom, and I don’t think it matters anyway.”

“Why not?” Mom reaches across and holds my hand, offering me the sort of love and support that might send me over the emotional edge. “Why doesn’t it matter?”

I suck in a deep breath before I speak. This is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. “Because he’s James’s father, that’s why…and because he doesn’t know it.”

The silence that fills the air is absolutely palpable. Mom tries her hardest to process what’s going on here.

“Frederico… he’s the man who fathered James,” she whispers. “I can see that, actually, because James looks like him. They have the same eyes and nose shape. The same smile…”

“Right, but obviously this isn’t something I’ve told him,” I continue because we need to get to the bottom of this now. “I didn’t tell him when I found out I was pregnant with James. At the time, it was just a one-time thing, and I didn’t think I would ever see him again. I certainly didn’t think that he would be interested in raising a child with me. He wasn’t the type. Allegra described him as a playboy, so I thought it wouldn’t be wise. Plus, I assumed he would just reject me.”

Mom nods as I speak. I’m sure this is a massive shock, but she doesn’t allow it to show. “I see. Well, I can understand why you would make that choice, thinking you’re living in different countries. But then you ended up back in Italy…”

“I know, for work.” It sounds crazy to say this aloud. Why would I make such an mad decision? But I really wasn’t thinking about Frederico at the time. I was hoping to hang out more with Allegra and get some much needed sunshine. “I wasn’t worried about him. I didn’t expect to bump into him, either. But… well, I did and things kinda progressed…”

I give Mom a side look, but she seems to be taking all this in quite well. “At some point, your feelings have changed toward Frederico, right?”

“I… I don’t know.” I can’t be honest because I really don’t know how I feel. “I’m all confused. I kinda feel like I just wanna get as far from Frederico as possible. I’ve made such a mess of things and don’t know how to make it right. It might be too late to say anything now. I’ll just anger him and make him hate me more. Hate us.”

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