Page 55 of Graveyard

I slide my hand out from under me and accidentally rub against his cock. Wow, he is rock hard. I wasn’t sure if he was too medicated to feel this, but he wants me bad. He hisses when I move against him. I’m instantly addicted to the sound. I “accidentally” brush my hands against his hardness a few more times to hear him groan.

His hands move down. I can tell he wants to touch me, to feel me under my clothes, but I can’t do that yet. Even with the door locked, I’m afraid our time will be interrupted. Then a ridiculous part of me worries I won’t be any good.

Graveyard is a handsome, accomplished doctor. He’s probably been with hundreds of women, and my experience is… less. I don’t want him to be disappointed in me when I’ve just found out how good he feels. I pull away.

“I… I’m not ready,” I tell him hesitantly. His face softens.

He looks tender rather than disappointed. He’s nothing like the guys I would hook up with in college. He’s not trying to get in my pants. He genuinely cares about me.

“Of course,” he says, planting a chaste kiss on my lips. “I’m sorry, Mer, I didn’t mean to push you. We’ll go as slow as you want.”

I lean into him, placing a sweet, gentle kiss on his lips. Truthfully, I don’t want to go slow at all. I want him to take me against a wall until I can’t remember my name. But he’s in no shape for that yet. No, slow isn’t what I want from him. So I brush my hand more purposefully against his dick. He moans against my lips.

I give him one more tender kiss before breaking away. He looks at me in surprise. When I reposition myself on my knees at the end of the bed, he looks panicked. I pull his blanket down and unleash his hardness from underneath his hospital gown.

Fuck, he is big. I should’ve known. He protests, but I take his tip into my mouth before he can say anything. Then he loses all his speech. He moans loudly, his hands gripping the sheet. I pull him in deeper, wrapping my hands around the parts of his shaft that won’t fit in my mouth.

He hisses again. I love that sound. I play with his tip with my tongue, experimenting with his sounds. I want to know how a lick sounds, how a nibble makes him scream. I squeeze gently, and his hand goes to my hair, holding me in place as I continue to suck him. I move fast, then slow, testing him. Finding out what he likes best.

When he comes undone in my mouth, I know I’ll want to do this again. I’ll want to push his buttons and find out exactly how he reacts when I kiss here, grab there. I want him to learn those parts of me, too. I want him to explore parts of my body I don’t know well. I want to scream his name until my voice is hoarse.

I swallow his cum, lapping up the taste. His face is relaxed as his head rests against the back of his bed. His eyes are closed, but his fingers are tangled limply in my hair. I briefly wonder what feels better—the painkillers or my mouth around his cock. I think I know how he would answer.

I sit up and wipe my mouth, then cover him back up. He barely responds. He’s going to fall asleep. Sure enough, his hand falls from my head, and his eyes don’t open again. He looks so peaceful, so relaxed that I can’t bear to wake him now. I take his remote and put his bed back in a lying position. I kiss him gently on his forehead and thank him for everything he’s done for me. He has no idea what he means to me. He never will fully grasp it.

I move quietly to the other side of his bed and turn his heart rate monitor back up. His heart beats steadily, and his breathing has slowed. He’s definitely asleep. I almost want to giggle. The drugs are a big part of it, but I can’t help but wonder if he always falls asleep so quickly after climaxing.

I grab my things and unlock the door, slipping quietly out of his room. Once I’m under the bright lights of the hallway, the last few minutes feel like a dream. I’m back in the starkness of reality, and there’s still so much I have to do. Loving him feels selfish. I’m not sure that I know how to be selfish. As much as I enjoyed tasting him, as much as I want to do it again and again, and feel him inside of me, I don’t know if I can give myself over to someone like that.

He’s the only thing in my life that feels right, and it’s too terrifying to comprehend.

We back out of Charlie’s room while she plays happily with her new toys. She couldn’t believe it when we brought her to our apartment and saw the bed we’d picked out and the toy chest brimming with new dolls. Abigail was a huge help and told us what she and Daisy liked to play with most at their house. No expense was spared for her.

I close the door quietly and turn to Juliana. As happy as I feel, I can’t help but wonder if we’ve made the right decision. It was one thing to talk about adopting Charlie in theory, but now I’m worried that we’re not adequate parents for her. She deserves the moon and the stars. What can we offer her?

“Penny for your thoughts,” Juliana says sweetly, pulling me to the couch.

“I’m worried if we made the right decision,” I say quietly, wanting to ensure Charlie can’t hear us.

Juliana frowns and sighs. “You’re not sure that you want her?” she asks, confused. I see the disappointment in her eyes, and I realize she wants this more than I realized.

“No, of course, I want her!” I assure her. “But what if we’re not the best people for her? What if I’m not a good dad?”

I never thought I would be a father. Hell, I never thought I would be alive this long. But life has a funny way of surprising you. When Seer and Tory made me Nicky’s godfather, I thought it was more responsibility than I could manage. I think I’ve done a pretty good job with him so far. But am I up to the challenge of raising my own child?

“Is that all?” Juliana asks with a small giggle. “I have no doubt that you’ll be a great dad,” she tells me earnestly. “And I do think we’re the best people for Charlie. In a weird way, she’s kind of the perfect kid for us. I think we’re the perfect parents for her. Besides, how lucky are we to be parents and not have to change a single diaper?”

I laugh with her, thinking of all the times we’ve had to change Nicky’s diaper over the years. We are pretty lucky.

A knock sounds on the door. I open the door to find Tory. She and Charlie made a special connection when she was with Pocus, and I’m hoping she can help us now. Charlie’s barely spoken since she came to stay with us a few days ago. I know how overwhelming everything must be. I want to make sure she’ll be okay. She’s been through a lot these last few days.

“Thanks for coming.” I pull her into a tight hug. “She’s in her room playing right now.”

Tory nods and heads toward Charlie’s room, knocking softly on the door. Charlie opens the door and her face lights up when she sees Tory. That makes me feel a little better. Charlie falls into her arms, then grabs her hands and pulls her inside her room before shutting the door.

“I think that’s my biggest fear,” I say, turning to Juliana. “What if she doesn’t like us as much as she likes the others? What if she wishes Tory had adopted her, or Abigail?”

Juliana sighs and pulls me against her. “I can’t lie to you and say I haven’t had the same thought,” she murmurs against my chest. “But I think at this stage in her life, she needs the attention that comes from being an only child. They have their hands full, and ours are wide open. We need to give her time to adjust.”

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