Page 109 of Until Now

“Would it have changed anything?” I wipe my eyes. “I tried to call, but you didn’t answer. I got to the airport, but it was too late. You were gone…again. And when Michaela told me you met Sheyenne… What was I supposed to do, Nick? I couldn’t—”

“Be honest, Nina. Be honest with me, honest with yourself.”

“Onesto? Be honest about Sheyenne!”

“We are not together!”

“Then why is she here?”

“I don’t know!” Nick takes a deep breath trying to regain composure. “I was with her when I heard about my dad, she just showed up. Uninvited.”

“That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard.”

“I think she just wanted to meet you, the girl I’ve been so hung up on.”

“Stronzata! That is bullshit, Nick.”

“You wanna talk about bullshit?” He follows me when I try to walk away. “What happened in Savannah, Nina? Why did you leave when you had two more days planned? Michaela told me you skipped out on meetings and work. You went ghost.”

I refuse to answer as I try to push past him, “Ho finito.”

“Answer the question, Nina.” Nick still blocks me. “Answer the question!”

“Because I was scared!” I take a deep breath. “I’m scared, okay? Is that what you want to hear?”

“Scared of what?”

“You!” My lip trembles. “Scared of this, us.” I close my eyes, trying to hold back tears, but one falls anyway. “Being with you scares the shit out of me. I am so scared of being hurt again. I didn’t know what to do.”

“I got accepted at BU.”

What?

I can tell by the look on his face he didn’t mean to say it, but now it’s out in the open. I’m not sure I’m even breathing as I try to piece together what he just said. Boston. He applied to Boston? He moving to Boston? All of this… This confrontation, trying to figure this out for what? So he can leave. “Boston?”

Nick reaches for me, but I retract.

“I’m supposed to start next semester, but I’ll rescind. I can get back into RU, finish my degree there. We can make this work, I don’t have to go, Nina. I’ll do whatever you want. Do you want me to leave? Because I will walk out that door, right now, you don’t have to ever see me again. Or, do you want me to stay? Because, that’s what I want. I want you, but I will do whatever you want. You just have to tell me.”

Listening to him, I realize I have to let him go. He can’t stay here, I won’t let him. There’s a reason he applied to Boston and not Rosecliffe. I believe him when he says he wants to be here, be with me, but I can’t ask that of him. I won’t ask it. My heart aches because I know neither of us is what the other needs right now. Letting him go… It’s best for both of us. I shake my head, “No.”

“No?”

“No, we can’t make this work.” I watch him deflate. “I won’t ask you to do that, to stay here. You deserve this opportunity. Non puoi essere bloccato qui.”

“Nina, we can do this.”

“Nick—”

“You are so stubborn. Why are you pushing me away?”

“Because I love you!” I choke back a sob. I wasn’t prepared for this. I wasn't prepared to lay everything out on the table. Softer, “I love you, Nick. But, I refuse to be the reason you stay. The reason you don’t experience the things you want in life. The reason you don’t chase your dreams. If you want to stay here, you stay because you want to, not for me.” His lip trembles as I take his hand in mine and intertwine our fingers. “There is so much out there for you. And, as much as I want to, I can’t give it to you. Not right now.” A tear falls down my cheek. “So, you have to go.”

Nick smiles and rests his forehead against mine. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.” He wipes another tear as it rolls down my cheek. “I’m sorry, for everything. I should’ve been honest with you. I should’ve told you when I found them, I know that. I was just so scared, your mom… I didn’t know what she was truly capable of. When I found out she looked into me, knew who I was… I wanted to tell you. So many times I thought about it, but your mom’s threats were always in the back of my mind. I didn’t think it was going to be so difficult to let you go. I wanted to tell you everything in Denver, but your mom’s texts were this constant reminder not to fuck up. Not to say anything if I didn’t want anything to happen.

“So, I decided it was better to end it early, before either of us could really get hurt. I didn’t plan on having sex with you, Nina. I wouldn’t do that to you. But, when I saw you standing there… God, you looked beautiful. And, when you smiled at me, I was a goner. When I woke up the next morning, I called Josh and I told him everything. I told him about your mom and Lee, the threats, Denver…you.

“I had a choice to make and I made the wrong one, but I can’t change the fact that it happened. Had I known you came after me…I would’ve stayed. I would’ve told you everything right then and there — I almost did that day in your room. I was so close to telling you, but I got scared and I took the easy way out. I said things I didn’t mean because I knew the only way you’d let me go was if I hurt you. You didn’t deserve that, Nina.

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