Page 94 of The List of Things

“Can I kiss you?” He asks and I kiss him instead of answering.

My lips are hesitant to kiss him, but they do. My lips are tender, and I kiss soft, sure not to hurt myself.

He doesn’t overpower me. He doesn’t take any ounce of control but he does kiss me back. The weight this kiss has on my chest, it feels like a thousand pounds are laying on me, suffocating me. He holds my face with both of his hands, and I push myself against him now. He gasps at the sudden movement, and the sound from his lips is so sweet. So addictive. I wonder if anyone has ever made him gasp like that. I wonder if, well, I wonder if he wants me now, if he wants me after what just happened. Or considering the list and the fact that we’ve already checked it off…

He crushes his lips to mine. It’s not gentle, but I’ve never felt so much passion from one person. The gap is lost between us now as his tongue slips past my lips and into my mouth, colliding with my own. His lips are sweet, and his tongue is a drug because all I want is more. More of him. More of his kiss. More of his kindness. His hands, his body, his entire being right now.

I slide my hands around his hips, I let them slowly make their way up every single muscle, every inch of his carved body until they are flat against his chest. I think about the list. I think about the rules, all of them, and I let my lips break off of his despite the almost painful feeling of them leaving mine.

“The list said once. We were only supposed to-”

“If you want me to be honest right now Kamryn I couldn’t give less of a fuck what the list says, I want you. I want to be sweet to you, and I want to worship your body, and I want to make you come tonight, and as many times as you’ll let me until you walk out that door to go home tomorrow morning,” He confesses and I think my soul has completely left my body. “Tonight you said you wanted to pretend, but this is not pretend. There was no romance last time, and that’s all I want with you right now. I want to be gentle with you, and I want to savor this… If you want it, it’s yours.”

I just look at him with so much confusion, wondering how he exists, fake or not. It doesn’t feel possible even though he’s standing right in front of me.

“Okay...” I almost whisper, mostly because he captures my words with his lips the minute I agree with him. He consumes me with this kiss.

I forget how strong Bellamy is until moments like this happen. Until Bellamy lifts me with such ease, not breaking our kiss, or letting any of the heat between us disappear. My legs are wrapped around his hips, and my lips are kissing his, slow, but eager as they move. My arms are lazily slung around his neck, holding on to him. Bellamy doesn’t throw me down. He brings me to the bed carefully, as if I could break at any second.

My back is against the soft bed, and that’s when he moves his hands under the shirt I wear, and he exposes my body, slowly bunching up the shirt and then pushing it off, and over my head altogether. His eyes scour my body, no shame in the way they take me in, and I want to blush. At first, I tell myself to feel anxious, nervous, or shy but there’s none of that with him at all. It doesn’t exist in this space. The way he looks at me makes me feel like I’m insane, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to feel so crazy.

Bellamy kisses me everywhere, his lips finding new places to explore, and new ways to pleasure me. I let him do whatever he wants, and I don't fight any of it because it does feel good. He does exactly what he said he wanted to. He’s gentle with me, and kind to my body. He uses me and cares for me all at once. And I see now, I feel that he can’t get enough of me, and I feel the same way. He brings me to shower, and he fucks me there too. We barely get out of the shower before he lifts me up on the counter, and starts over again. I’m happy to let him do so.

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

ORDINARY PEOPLE BY BLAKE ROSE

The next morningBellamy dropped me off at my apartment after we ran together bright and early. We didn’t sleep much, only bits and pieces of the night. He picked me up and he didn’t even warn me, he just showed up at my door again and didn’t give me a single second to finish getting ready. He said he needed it to be casual.

He really meant casual because I am in sweatpants, and his shirt once again, that I still haven’t given back. My hair is down and natural from my shower after our run, my face is bare. He’s in a pair of running shorts, and a plain white shirt. His casualness still looks just as good as his normal, and it’s completely unfair.

“Are you ever going to give me my shirt back?” He asks and I can see the smirk on his lips.

He obviously doesn’t want it back by the way he’s smiling. Knowing him it probably boosts his ego when he sees me wear it.

“I can give it back to you right now if you want it. You say the word.”

He shakes his head. We never exchanged a single word about last night, or about yesterday after the phone call with my mom.

“I’m alright. I can do without a shirt. Or two, or three. You can have all my shirts if you want them,” His hand is around mine as he drives, a comfort not only for him, but for me too, and my head is reeling over what’s going on with me.

When I said what I had said yesterday. About how we used to be friends. I’ve been thinking about it since he dropped me back off this morning. I feel bad for saying it, but I don’t think I want to take it back because it’s true.

I like Bellamy far too much in and out of bed to be his friend, and that’s why this can’t be more than what it is. As much as I know these feelings will fade, the urge to want to sleep with him every chance I get won’t. It’s funny just how little time can make so much change. Bellamy Archer is decorating the walls in the corner of my mind that he’s taking up. He’s making a cute cozy little home there, and I’m not cool with it.

“I was thinking, and I wanted to ask you before I did anything. I don’t think Caleb should be able to get away with what he did. I know you’re not happy with the thought of me causing him any physical harm which is what I want to do. So I thought maybe you could talk to the basketball coach. Or the head of sports admin… Only if you’re comfortable, that way he doesn’t get away with anything like this again.”

Bellamy’s intentions are sweet and come from a good place. I know him and I know that, but he’s thinking like a boy right now.

“Even if I wanted to say something, do you actually think any action would be taken? We’re a top ranking athletic school, meaning our teams are highly ranked across the country… He’s the best player on the team, they won’t care if he committed murder… They’d cover it,” I explain and Bellamy’s knuckles are white as he grips the steering wheel.

“I know that. I know how much they let people get away with, not just people but men. That doesn’t make it right. I’m sure if they tried to cover it, and anyone got word of it that it’d cause an uproar. Ryn, he should know what he did isn’t going to be tolerated. The school should at least be warned so that if there’s ever another report, or if there was one in the past, maybe it’ll get taken seriously because of yours. It makes a difference. If you don’t want to tell for other reasons, so be it. It’s your choice, but I think that maybe it would be a good thing… Just trying,” He shrugs, gently nudging me in the right direction.

“I don’t want the basketball coach, or any other coach looking at me in a bad light. Thinking I’m causing problems or taking the side of Caleb instead of me. This kind of thing could dig me into a hole I can never get myself out of… If I’m running to the coach to tell on his best player,” I explain.

It’s not that I don’t want to. I would love for someone besides Bellamy and Lawson to know that the star basketball player is a scumbag. I just don’t know if the repercussions on me would be something I can handle.

“Then don’t say anything… Lawson can say something. He already offered. He said he would when I was at home. Let him talk to the coach, let him tell the coach what he saw, and he can say you have no idea that he’s saying anything. As shitty as it may be, he might believe it more if Lawson tells him,” Bellamy explains, and there’s anger burning in my stomach at the last sentence he spoke.

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