Page 120 of The List of Things

It feels like it’s begging to be let out with how hard it’s beating.

“Fuck...” He shakes his head, and I watch as his smile breaks out on his face, like he couldn’t contain it.

He throws himself back, his back hitting the blanket. He brings his hands up to his face, covering it, and then he runs them through his hair, and I watch him carefully. I twist the ring he got me around my finger, fiddling with it nervously as I watch him, and he closes his eyes.

“You have no idea how badly I’ve wished for you to say that,” His voice just above a whisper.

Bellamy sits himself up, shaking his head, and I feel the small tinge of insecurity running through me, the small feeling that I could still be rejected.

“If you think we shouldn’t. I mean if you think we shouldn’t rush anything, or you want to wait. Or if you think maybe all of this isn’t-” Bellamy catches my lips with his, shutting me up instantly.

Every emotion in my head rushes to my chest and explodes like fireworks on New Year’s Eve.

His hands hold my face, his thumbs on my cheeks, and his fingers are spread to keep me exactly where he wants me. He pushes into me, kissing me hard, every emotion he feels pouring into me. He breaks from me, and I catch my breath, every insecurity having vacated my head. My heart somehow feels louder, like it’s beating harder, and faster than before. I don’t open my eyes reveling in the feeling he left on my lips.

“I think that you’d be absolutely insane if you thought that I wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to be yours Kamryn. And I think fake dating should become real dating because I love you just the same.”

I feel him back away, so I do the same, my eyes opening and finding his.

“I don’t know. Having a real boyfriend would do horrible things to my reputation...” I say and he raises his eyebrows.

A slow spreading smile etches itself on his face.

“Oh really?” He asks, and I nod.

“Really,” I hum, and inch closer to him.

“It was all real to you?” His voice is soft and serious.

“It was all real to me. It’s all real now. It’s been real since you kissed me and I want it to be real for a long, long time Bell…”

He kisses me again, and the sound of my heartbeat drowns out everything else. Nothing has felt more real than this right now.

EPILOGUE

ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD BY STEPHEN DAY

Bellamy Archer:

I pack everything I still have. All the other things have been sold, mostly because I’ll just buy new stuff when I get there. College felt like it ended abruptly this past summer. It had been a long time coming. I had waited for it and wanted it for so long until it finally came. We graduated only a month ago, and it feels like it’s been a lifetime already.

No one really ever tells you just how scary it’s going to be when you graduate. It’s worse than you’d expect. No one else thinks you’re meant to go out and make a name for yourself right away, but I felt like I needed to. I felt like I didn’t get to rest, wait, or sit still. Especially since I was a first round draft pick for the Giants. The New York fucking Giants. That’s why I’m packing. Training starts in two weeks.

“Bellamy.”

I look to the door of my apartment to see her, her long black hair trailing down to her stomach. She’s got half of it pulled up into a messy bun on the back of her head, the rest of it naturally curly. She’s got a clean face mostly because she’s been packing all day, just like me.

After she came back for summer sessions and told me how she felt, I barely let her leave my side. She did practically perfect on the field during the summer sessions, and even better during the season. Her mentors let her ride solo a lot, and I could tell it boosted her confidence higher than it already was.

Our friend group got closer, and everything felt so much more natural. So much easier senior year compared to the other three here at SPU. After Lawson went to the basketball coach about what happened to Kamryn, she was called in to give a statement. Coach Corbin went with her after everything, and stood by her side in all of it, just like me and the guys did. Just like Sienna did too. Caleb was suspended for half of the season because of what he did, another girl had come forward against him after Kamryn did, and it solidified everything. He deserved worse, if it were up to me, he’d get it.

That brought all of us even closer. Being here, being with Kam, and Lawson. Going to see Griffin for home games, and him coming back to see us. It’s like a second family.

Ryn and I didn’t really leave each other’s side all semester unless she was leaving me to go to see her friends, or I had workouts with Lawson and Parker. We figured after having so many sleepovers at each other's apartments that it was dumb to keep going back and forth with sleepover bags. It was tiring, so Kamryn ended up moving into my apartment right before SPU’s holiday break started.

She invited me up to her parent’s house for the holidays. I came to meet her dad, and officially meet her mom as well, then we came back to campus together before the break was over. She met my grandparents too. They showed enough embarrassing baby pictures for a lifetime, but seeing the way Ryn smiled at them… I’d let her see every single one if it meant she’d do it again.

“What do you need?” I ask and stop what I’m doing to watch her.

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