Page 84 of The List of Things

“Thank you, coach,” I try not to get excited by the excessive compliments but it’s hard, especially from him.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you and my quarterback, but if I’m honest I don’t want to know. It’s none of my damn business. Now as long as you can promise me that you and that boy keep your drama off my field, and that goes for every player on my team, could I recruit you? I need someone for summer sessions, you’d learn alongside the physical therapist and athletic trainer for our team. Can we have you for the rest of the summer? That way the school can get off my ass, and I will know that my team is in capable hands.”

I feel my jaw drop a bit. I was hoping to be on the field next semester. The last football season that I will be able to participate in. I wanted to be on the football team for years of course, but this is more than what I had thought I would get. Especially considering how selective Coach Corbin is, and how persistent he is on not having students on his field besides the players themselves.

“Oh... If I agree, what does this mean for the rest of the year?”

He shrugs his broad shoulders, and places his hands on his hips, “If I like you. If the boys like you, and the other coaches too then I’ll onboard you for the season. But that’s a big if. I’ll be getting progress reports from the PT, and the Athletic trainer the whole summer. You’ve proved a lot from what I’ve seen, but I want more. And I know it’s short notice, but you can think about it and get back to me alright?”

I nod, knowing how eager I look, “Thank you, coach. I’ll email you with a response soon.”

My emotions skyrocket the second he nods his head to me, and turns away. He disappears through the stadium, going to the locker rooms from what I can tell.

This opportunity is one I’d be dumb to pass up, but it means I don’t get to see my parents for what feels like the last time before I’m out of school. And to add to that, I was supposed to have this time to buffer before I had to see Bellamy every day at practice. I can barely look at him now without imagining him shirtless. I guess I can’t really blame his ex for being the way she is. I don’t know what’s going to happen to my mental sanity if I see him every day for the rest of summer.

“Good morning to you too,” I look over my shoulder and see Bell walking down the stairs, his shirt gone, and a duffle bag over his shoulder.

I feel my cheeks heat up, feeling more embarrassed now that I snuck out as opposed to if I hadn’t. His being shirtless doesn’t help either. Sometimes I feel like a teenage girl when I look at him because he’s nothing short of one of those Abercrombie models from the mall.

“I figured you’d be here.. Well, actually, I figured you’d still be there when I woke up, but you weren't.”

I hesitate, he drops his bag down on the ground next to mine, and approaches me, crossing his arms over his bare chest. He towers over me, and I just look up, not knowing how to explain myself.

“I just didn’t want to bother you or make you feel like you had to do anything the... The morning after. I just... Yeah. I was afraid,” I feel so awkward.

I wish I could sink into the field, and disappear. I don’t like admitting my fear, especially not to Bellamy because it makes me feel vulnerable.

“There’s nothing about you that bothers me. I’ve only got you for a few more days, no more sneaking out on me,” He hooks his finger around my chin. “It’s a giant disappointment when I wake up thinking about you, and the night before… Then you’re not there,” He tells me, and I know exactly what he means by huge disappointment now.

My cheeks grow red, and he smirks, shaking his head, “I’m sorry... If I had known you wanted me to stay, I would have stayed. I felt awkward. I’m not really used to being there the morning after... To be honest I’m not even used to sleeping next to someone.”

He shakes his head, “It’s fine. Don’t apologize for how you felt. Just know that next time, if there is one... That I don’t care if you’re next to me when I wake up, I’d prefer it that way actually.”

I probably would have come to that conclusion if I had actually thought about what I was doing this morning but I didn’t. I ran out before I could really even replay what happened last night, and now that I’m thinking about it, and looking at him, all I feel is pressure in my lower stomach, and I’m embarrassed all over again.

“Don’t look so nervous... Come on... Let’s just run,” He nods his head and bends down to kiss my cheeks before he starts at a slow jog.

I move behind him, catching up quickly with ease. My eyes scan him as he starts to put his headphones in his ears, tuning everything else out. His face is just as perfect as it was last night and every day before... Last night... Him...

I sigh to myself. I have to torture myself for an entire summer and probably during the semester if I say yes to this opportunity. I see flashes of his body in my head, completely unprovoked images from last night and I want to rip my hair out in frustration. I told Bellamy two weeks, and then I’m gone.

If he sees me on the field he’s going to think I’m just as crazy as his ex... I can’t look at him like this all summer. There’s no way I can without me wanting to sleep with him again, it’s inevitable. I need time to get these feelings out of my system. To detox from Bellamy Archer before the football season starts. But for now, I’d like to come as close to overdosing as I can with the few days I’ve got left. That is if he’s okay with being my drug of choice.

“Bell...” I say his name, and he looks down at me as we run next to each other.

He pulls an earbud out, and raises his eyebrows at me, “What’s up babe?”

“Do you want to come over after this? I don’t know if you had any list things planned but I have to pack and clean a little bit. So I was wondering if you wanted to come. Just to hang out. You don’t have to.”

His lips turn up into a soft smile, “Yes, I do have a thing planned tonight, but for now, I would love nothing more than to come over Ryn,” He looks like he’s trying to keep laughter in, and I know it’s because of how visibly sick I probably look as I make the move to ask him to hang out.

I must look insane, but I don’t know how to do this, to make plans, to do things first. I’m the one people chase, not the chaser. I look at his chiseled features for only a second longer before I put my own headphone in. I’ll run the tension out of my body, and then Bellamy and I can go from there.

* * *

I burstout laughing at Bellamy as he sits on my couch, hugging the puppy dog stuffed animal. I fold my clothes and move them into a suitcase. We both showered together after our run and have been here since, exactly like this. Me doing what I’ve needed to do around my apartment. Him laying on the couch, keeping me company as I pack some things for the rest of summer. He turned on the movie Stuck in Love, and he’s been looking past me every now and again to watch it. Most of my apartment will be left untouched for a month and a half while I’m gone... That is, if I stay gone. I haven’t stopped thinking about what Coach Corbin said to me. But that’s not something I can just decide on my own whenever I want. I need to think about it. I need to think a lot about it.

“Give me that,” I hold my hand out for the puppy dog.

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