Page 113 of The List of Things

“And after that?” I ask.

I feel better already. Because my mom always makes me feel better no matter what happens.

“After that, you tell that boy you love him just the same, and then years down the road you marry him and have his babies,” She says and I cringe. “Okay no babies, not if you don’t want them, but you better marry that man. He’s a cute one, and he’s tall too. Kammi, you found a real man, not like that scrawny little thing you dated-”

“Ew! Mom, stop talking,” I try to cover her mouth and the two of us start laughing together.

“I missed you, Kammi,” She hugs me tight and I hug her back.

“I missed you, Mom,” My tears dry up.

“And just in the past few months, you’ve grown up so much. I can’t wait to see you after this year. You know your dad and I bought tickets to every home game.”

I back away from her, my eyes wide.

“Mom! What if I didn’t get asked to be on the field? What if they never-”

“Then I would have sold ‘em! But I knew you would be. You’re too hard working. You’re too good not to. I knew they would see that.”

I hug her again. That’s one thing about her that I know is true. No matter what. No matter how big or how small my mom will always believe in me. She will always root for me, and she will always push me, and so will my dad.

My mom is my best friend, and right now all she’s got to do this week is give me every ounce of courage to go back to that school and talk to Bell. I know the minute my dad is home from work, and he hears about a potential boyfriend he might die on the spot. He’s never cared if I date or not. He’s always just as supportive as my mom, but I never really brought anyone home after I went to college. This will be news to him.

“Go get some rest. I’m cooking your favorite tonight.”

I’ve never once told my mom that chicken Alfredo isn’t my favorite. I’d prefer spaghetti. She seems to love cooking the Alfredo for me though so I don’t ruin that for her, and let her think it’s my favorite.

I think of the playlist I now have on my phone that I still haven’t even looked at and now I rush. I grab my things where I left them, and rush up the stairs of the house, straight to my bedroom that’s completely untouched since the last time I stayed in it. It’s the same light pink it was throughout high school, with white bedding, and light green accents.

I drop my things and jump on the bed. I land straight on my stomach and kick my legs back like a teenager. I pull my phone out, and click the playlist, instantly playing it. He titled it“The List of Songs.”My heart melts at the play on words.

I don’t know why this feels different. Especially considering I’ve most likely heard these songs before. But even if I have, they mean something different now that they remind someone else of me. I look at the songs on the playlist and recognize plenty of them.

Hot for Teacher by Van Halen. I laugh out loud. Of course he would.

Tattoos Together by Lauv. My fingers draw over the ink on my arm.

Cliche by Cece Coakley. The most perfect song to describe me.

Ahead of Myself by James TW. The honesty of these songs starts hitting me hard. The vulnerability only makes me wish I followed him back to campus.

Talking Body by ToveLo. I could say the same for him. That’s when I feel tears prick my eyes. Mostly because I see everything else that lies ahead. Never once have I cried to Talking Body by Tovelo. I guess there’s a first time for everything.

Wannabe by The Spice Girls. Our Karaoke date. I twist the ring on my finger that he gave me, still having not taken it off.

Ordinary People by Blake Rose, my heart stops at this one.

Magic by John K. I feel like an asshole for not seeing him. Seeing his heart before right now.

Satellite by Harry Styles, I can’t stop myself from falling in love with him all over again. The thought of him feeling this way is almost too much for me to process.

Mastermind by Taylor Swift. I laugh. I shouldn’t but I do. The effort and care he put into this. The time. Bellamy Archer waited and went into this fully aware he could end up hurt but he did it anyway, just to have a chance.

Certain Things by James Arthur.I adore him. Bellamy is so loyal it’s not good for him at this point. He’s persistent, but he’s caring. He’s a good person. The best person I’ve probably ever met.

New Year's Day by Taylor Swift. I am filled with memories of the party, it was days ago and it feels like forever. But I feel just how wet my cheeks are as I listen to the lyrics.

Crazier by Taylor Swift. Dancing with him was one of the best nights I’ve ever had. I fell so hard for Bellamy that day. Even if I knew it before this, I remember feeling like I was falling then.

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