Page 113 of Unravel Me

I hang my head. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“We know who you are, Adam,” Jennie insists quietly. “You’re eternally hopeful. Somebody who always tries to see the best in others.”

“You root for everyone, and you always stand by your friends’ sides,” Olivia adds.

“You cheer for the little people who can’t cheer for themselves,” Cara tells me. “Some of those kids didn’t have a reason to smile until you came into their lives.”

“You’ve got the biggest heart out of anyone I know,” Garrett says from behind me, and I turn, finding my friends and my dad in my patio doorway.

“When I feel like a failure, I find you,” Emmett tells me. “You lift me up and remind me how far I’ve come.”

“You make me want to be a better person,” Jaxon mumbles, gaze bouncing from me to the floor. “I think I kinda already am, and it’s because I follow you.”

Carter leans against the doorway, his daughter in his arms. “You believe in me when no one else does.”

I huff a tired laugh. “That’s proven to be an expensive trait of mine.”

“And you give the best snuggles,” he coos in a baby voice, waving Ireland’s arms around as she giggles. “And you’re definitely the most handsome and strong of all my uncles, almost as handsome and strong as my daddy, but not quite.”

Laughter rings throughout the room, and Carter sets his smiling daughter down in my arms. “Seriously, man, you don’t see yourself clearly. And we get it. How could you after everything you’ve been through? But if you look around this room, you’ll see a bunch of people who love you.” He shrugs. “But you need to love you too. Especially if you want Rosie to love you.”

“Why do you feel like you don’t deserve her?” my dad asks.

“I never said that.”

“Not with your words, maybe. But that’s what your actions said, isn’t it? You hid who you were because you felt like that person might be less deserving of her love.”

Rosie is everything good and bright in this world. She’s got the purest heart, made of the warmest sunshine. She’s the embodiment of compassion and grace, the kindest person I’ve ever known, someone who strives to give people the understanding she didn’t receive when she needed it most. She’s continuously working on herself, taking difficult steps to give her son the life he deserves. She’s always trying to be the best version of herself, but I don’t think she needs to change a thing; her drive and her heart ensure she’s someone who only puts her best foot forward every time she moves.

“What if I can’t give her everything she’s spent her life searching for?” I whisper. “I can’t be a partner who’s at her side every day when I’m traveling seventy-five percent of the year. I’ll miss birthdays and anniversaries, and I won’t be holding her hand through some of her toughest moments. How can I be the partner she deserves? The family she and Connor need?” I shake my head as the truth grips my throat. “I can’t be.”

“Ah,” my mom murmurs. “So that’s why you only chose her with half of your heart.”

The girls are all nodding, but I’m sitting here, so lost I can’t figure out left from right.

“Here you have this beautiful woman who’s lived her life not being chosen. Who has wanted nothing more than for someone to see her and love her enough to choose her and her son. And you chose her, Adam, you really did. But you didn’t choose yourself. You took all of her, and you only gave her half of you in return. All those broken pieces don’t make a whole unless you give all of them to her.”

All this time, I wanted someone to like the parts of me that weren’t defined by hockey. I wanted someone to see me outside the sport and everything it’s brought me, and want those parts too. Because for so long, that’s all I’ve been. But the truth is…hockey is a part of me. It’s made me everything I am today, both the good and the bad. I’m loyal and supportive because I know how to be part of a team. I’m empathetic because I know what it feels like to lose, to put so much pressure on myself to succeed, and I know what it’s like to have people support me every step of the way when I don’t think I deserve it. I love as hard as I do because people have loved me just as hard back.

And because people have broken me, and I never, ever want to be like them.

I found Rosie.Finally, I fucking found her. Someone who makes me feel like aperson. I forget when I’m with her. Forget that I’ve been broken. I forget to put on an act. I forget how much money I’m worth and yet still, with her by my side, I feel fuckingpriceless.Irreplaceable. When I’m with Rosie, I feel like there’s no one alive who can love her the way I do, the way I want to promise to love her for as long as she’ll let me.

But when I’m alone, I remember.

I remember that I’ve been replaced by someone I loved. That I’ve been nothing but dollar signs, a fancy house, and a handsome face. I forget all the things Rosie loves about me, the things I love about myself, and I fixate on everything else. Everything that pulls me deeper into the lie I’ve spun, where I can’t face the possibility of giving Rosie everything, because everything has never been enough.

“What if I give her all of me and she decides she doesn’t want it?” The words are hoarse, halfway to broken, barely hanging onto a thread of hope. “I don’t have anything else to give her.”

Olivia lays her hand over mine. “You give what you can, Adam, and if she doesn’t want it, that’s her loss, and it’s a big one. But for what it’s worth, I can’t imagine her not loving all of you. What you’ve given her is who you are; the hockey is just an extension of yourself. It doesn’t change a single thing about your heart. She needs to give you a chance to show her that—and she will, because she’s always been so patient, so good at making you feel seen. And you need to be willing to let her have all those pieces, to trust her with them.”

“It’s okay to be scared, Adam,” Jennie murmurs. “Because when you have trouble loving your own broken pieces, nothing seems scarier than giving them to someone else.” Her eyes flit to Garrett, and something soft moves across her gaze. “But sometimes those people show you exactly how to love the broken bits of yourself. To them, you’re not broken at all.”

My mom smiles softly from across the room. “Go show Rosie how well you can love her, simply because you’re you and she’s her. Show her that she and Connor are the family you choose because you’re each other’s perfect fit. Show her that the man she’s fallen for and the hockey player she’s only just met are one and the same. Show her you love her, Adam, because we know you do. And deep down, I think she knows too.”

Cara wipes a single tear from her eye, sniffling. “I knew calling your mom was my best work yet. I can’t wait to see how I eventually top it.”

My dad comes to stand behind me, nudging my shoulder. “Maybe two weeks is long enough to wait idly on the sidelines. You’ve been patient, and that’s great. Now maybe what Rosie needs is for you to step up and remind her that you’re still here, and you’re not going anywhere. That when she’s ready, you’ll be right here, ready to move forward with her.” He winks. “Women love men who chase them just a little. Just ask your mom.”

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