Page 13 of Enemies in Earnest

No way.

Acacia Ashley could not possibly be a virgin. We were far too advanced in our years. If I had to take a guess, Acacia was more than likely in her mid-thirties. Was it possible? Of course. But surely someone as worldly and well-traveled as Acacia appeared to be had surely had a dalliance or two.

Jesus Christ. Being around her had turned me into a pretentious logophile right alongside her. Dalliance? Honestly. I needed a beer and a few hours of watchingMonster Truck Mayhemto bring my IQ back down toable to relate to others.

“You kissed me, Mr. Wheeler. Please let’s not engage in the rewriting of history after we’ve just laid down our weapons and announced parlay.”

“If it makes you feel better to place the onus of that kiss on my lips alone, Ms. Ashley, then by all means, I kissed you. But there is not a smidgeon of a doubt that you enjoyed every moment of it. I’m pretty sure I still have the half-moon indentations from your nails on my chest to prove it.”

Her fork sat suspended in the air, a piece of shrimp dangling from it. While she regarded me with her squinty eyes and quirk of her mouth, I watched that piece of shrimp dangle like it was deciding whether to fall back into the sea of rice on her plate or meet its fate between her pink, heart shaped lips.

Those heart shaped lips. The second my focus fell to the elegant shape of them, I was done for. Remembering how they felt pressed against mine made me desperate to feel them again. I couldn’t see Klaus and Felicity anywhere. I’m sure they sat themselves in the “nice” area of the restaurant so they could bellow out obnoxious carols. But I toed dangerously close to tapping out and sending an SOS. Otherwise, I was bound to clear the plates between us in one fell swoop and yank Acacia’s mouth against mine.

“You have a very inflated opinion of yourself,” she finally said.

I shrugged. It drove her bat shit when I did. Silent gestures, especially the dismissive kind, were Acacia’s kryptonite. If anything would have her going thermonuclear, it would be those.

“Whatever happened to Docker Danny?” I ask, knowing full well they went on less than a handful of dates three years ago.

“Come again?” she asked.

“Is that why you only went out a few times? Because you had to ask? Man. Let me tell you, for me, two is standard. I always try for three but sometimes the stars just don’t align. I would have ended it, too, if you had toaskfor him to satisfy you a second time. That’s a shame. He had such an impressive collection of those shirts with the guy riding a pony. And they all paired so well with his extensive inventory of khaki pants.”

Acacia went from flummoxed to flustered in a nanosecond. And that blush which had become so addicting morphed into a flush that peppered her skin from the tips of her ears all the way between her breasts. It would be a bold-faced lie if I said I didn’t imagine what that flush looked like naked and sprawled across my bed.

“You are a pig.”

I’d only ever seen Acacia really mad three times. Once when her liquor supplier tried to double the cost of her on taps without telling her prior to delivery and hook up. A second time when the Rochester kid—who came and did her social media for her once a week—wasn’t looking when he pulled out of his parking space and nearly ran over Six-Toed Joe. And of course, when she came to read me the riot act after ruining her very somber Hemingway celebration.

That level of mad typically included a pointed finger, a jutted chin, and a frequent, angry, swipe against her forehead to keep her fluttery bangs from her forehead. None of those things were present when she spat the insult my way. But, I definitely unlocked a level above annoyed banter.

“Oh my god, Edwin … are you on adate?” Felicity approached from behind me, her fingers wrapping around my shoulder. “When you said you were going out for dinner tonight, you never mentioned you were going on a date. MariJo is going to be so excited. She was just saying last night she wished you’d settle down with a nice girl.”

My cousin and his fiancé clearly did not absorb the finer details of my plan. Namely that they were to wait for my signal and approach. Had I signaled them? Negative. I double checked my phone just in case in the haze of lusting after Acacia’s mouth I sent an SOS. I had not. Yet, still they approached in the most obnoxious and saccharine way possible.

“I’m Felicity.” She extended her hand toward Acacia, “I know you own the bar we were at yesterday, but I don’t think we were ever properly introduced. You’ve met my fiancé, Klaus, though, I believe.”

They sat down. As if they’d discovered the extra two chairs at the table Acacia and I had been seated at and thoughtoh how serendipitous!Felicity climbed behind my chair, yanked out the one directly next to me, and kept chatting as if she’d been part of the conversation all along. At least Klaus had the good sense to look apologetic.

“…used to work for a hot shot TV station….now I work for public access and make documentaries on the side. Has anyone ever done one on you? I think it would be fascinating. Girl boss owning a successful pub that is both tourist accessible and literary at the same time. You really have a thing for Hemingway, huh?”

Felicity and Acacia immersed themselves in a conversation faster than I could finish giving Klaus a dirty look.

ChapterTen

I’mpositive I’d been beamed to an alternate universe. Edwin had tipped his cards and revealed far too much for me to be able to comprehend and digest all at once. And that was before his cousin and fiancé crashed our dinner. I felt adrift. Like the anchor that had kept me securely rooted in place had been severed, and I was cast out into unfamiliar seas.

Edwinlikedme. Enough to be jealous over a guy that hadn’t even registered as a blip on my radar of life experiences. He had a nickname for him and everything. Docker Danny. How he’d even known his name was beyond me. He’d been nice. Polite, inquisitive, doting even. But he found it distasteful that I owned a bar. Never mind that my bar was more elegant gastro pub than shack.

But Edwin had been harboring a judgement of someone totally insignificant for three years. Three. Years. Alongside that fact were the observations. No, they were more than observations. He’d made a case study of me. All the way down to noticing how I wore my hair. It was too much to take in.

“How did you two meet?” I asked Felicity trying to concurrently hold a polite conversation and suss out all these new Edwin developments.

“His brother overbooked their AirBnb last Christmas.” Felicity laughed. “I walked in on Klaus taking a bath, then we got socked with a blizzard and well—”

She held her hands up in anoh, wellgesture and laughed.

“There are a lot of details she left out.” Klaus continued for her. “But bottom line being Christmas is now our favorite time of the year.”

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