Page 14 of Enemies in Earnest

So much so that they were now on an island that celebrated it all year round.

“You’re going to love the boat parade!” I told them. “It has always been my favorite. And getting to be this year’s resident Santa, well—I’m jealous you get to experience that.”

“You could have sat with me any of the times since Withersby stepped down,” Edwin muttered into his drink.

“Perhaps if you would have shot drinks inmymouth from a water gun and suggested Icome to PapaI would have scampered up onto that boat and shook my coconuts for all the oglers on shore. What a missed opportunity for free advertising of that booze cruise of yours. Damn. Next year maybe once you aren’t competing with sexy Santa over here.”

Felicity pushed out of her chair, shoving at Edwin’s back to let her out. The move distracted him from shooting back whatever retort I could see trying to form on his lips.

“Alright, I need to hit the ladies’ room, and Acacia, I think you would like to come with me.”

She extended her hand toward me like we were best friends and would skip off in that direction hand and hand. I didn’t take it. She didn’t budge. She wiggled her fancy, manicured fingers in my direction, and I did my best impression of Sitting Bull.

“I don’t bite,” Felicity laughed, dramatically putting her hand out again.

“I would like to point out one small detail,” Edwin interjected. “Weareseated in the naughty section. For all you know, Acacia does.”

Ass.

With a huff, I pushed to my feet and followed Felicity into the bathroom.

“God, the two of you. That is some tension with a capitalfuck me.”

As soon as the door swished shut behind us, she sauntered to the mirror to reapply her lipstick and check her hair.

“There is an ice cube’s chance in hell he and I will ever hook up.”

“If you say so.” She chuckled around the lipstick tracing every bend and curve of her mouth.

“No, I mean it.” I crossed my arms under my chest and stared at her reflection. “The man is a neanderthal. Do you know what he said to me?”

She raised her eyebrows as if to tell me to go on. I didn’t need permission though. I’d totally warmed to my own plight. I was Joan of Arc carrying my banner of mortification over that hill to wave it in the sunlight like I was that little starving blonde girl from Les Mis asking everyone if they could hear the people sing while I waved my French flag. This is what Edwin Wheeler did to me. He made me mix my literary metaphors by a couple of centuries. Ugh!

“Earlier, I didn’t hear what he said. And I asked himcome again…and he told meI would never make you ask.AndI always shoot for three. Who does that? Who says things like that? And honestly, I was asking him to repeat himself. I wouldn’t ask about his sexual prowess in afamily restaurant.”

She threw her head back and her loud, throaty laughter bounced off the walls of the bathroom.

“Damn. That’s smooth.” She clapped her hands together, looking up at the ceiling and shaking her head. “I’m at a loss for words. Well played, Edwin Wheeler.”

She said it like he was in the room. Or somehow would overhear our conversation and know she complimented his…whatever it was she was complimenting. Aghast. It was the only word that fit the situation.

“Klaus told me last night that he’d never seen Edwin act like he’d seen him at your bar. He tracked you like a deer in a winter forest. Every time we looked up, he was looking at you. I have no idea what happened between the two of you, but Jesus. The look he gave you mademeclench, and I have Klaus giving it to me on the regular. Iwas squirming watchinghimwatchyou. And I mean that in the kind of squirm that ends with a night panting and sated after getting dicked so hard you came five times.”

Alternate. Reality.

In what world did near strangers talk to you as if you’d been best friends since kindergarten? And who openly talked about their sex lives? But…five times. That had to be a load of shit. Five?

“How is that even possible?”

I didn’t realize I’d said it out loud.

“Girl. I thought Klaus was a magician until I talked to my sister.Herhusband Bryce? He has turned making her come into a sport. Like it’s a point of pride for him how many times he can in one session. I think he had her at some ungodly number like eight or ten.”

Rather than notice the fact that I was both utterly gobsmacked, while concurrently mortified, Felicity simply continued to plow through whatever walls of personal respectability I’d secured myself within and pushed right on through.

“Sorry. I know. Iknowyou don’t know me like at all. But how old are you? Thirty-five ish?”

I nodded. How she was so spot on was beyond my capacity of comprehension. But, maybe in whatever alternate reality I existed in at that very moment had also given people superpowers to determine everyone’s age.

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