Page 62 of Always Yours

She doesn’t like my answer. “You know they’re saying you’re using her to get yourself on the team.”

“That’s fucking trash. I don’t need anyone. I’ve got this on my own, but since I haven’t heard that rumor, I’m assuming you made it up to see my reaction,” I accuse, and her eyes deepen in color.

“I’m very protective of her. She’s a good girl, but naïve.”

“She’s not naïve at all,” I disagree. “She is brilliant and works her ass off.”

“I know she does, and your comment gives me reason to believe you have a thing for her.”

“If I did, I wouldn’t tell you,” I throw back at her. “I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.”

“I just don’t want her to get hurt by someone like you.”

I make a face. “I thought we were getting along.”

“Dimitri, Austen isn’t in your realm. She isn’t who I would see you with.”

Well then, she needs to open her fucking eyes. Wait, what do I mean by that? “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about,” I say, holding her gaze.

“I don’t think you have the time to be fooling around with someone who can ruin your career.”

I gawk at her. “What the hell, Shelli? Austen wouldn’t do that.”

“No, but her grandfather would,” she tells me. “I am only warning you—be careful. Of course you’ll charm her, get her attention, but if you’re not ready to be serious with her, then be ready to never move forward in the NHL.”

Anger burns in my chest as I look down at my childhood friend. “My hockey will speak for itself. If you think you can scare me with what-ifs or whatever this is, you have another thing coming.”

“As your friend, I am only looking out for you.”

I don’t believe her. “Or you’re trying to get in my head.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Thinking you’re protecting Austen, when there is no reason to protect her,” I snap at her, and she presses her lips together.

“Or again, I’m trying to protect you.”

I’m having a hard time trusting her intentions or even believing her words. As I search her eyes, I remind myself she is a part of Elli, who has always been my biggest supporter. But I also didn’t sleep with Elli, nor did she hold a grudge against me. I don’t know what to think or feel, but I don’t know that I care. Which scares me to my core. I have gone my whole life doing what I wanted and choosing for myself.

When I was younger, my mom gave us the choice to all go to Russia, or Kat and I could stay in Nashville with her so we could go to American schools. We chose Russia. I had a chance to go to the States for college, but I didn’t take it. I wanted to stay in Russia with my family. I could have gone home to be drafted into the NHL at twenty, but I chose to stay with my family. Instead of the Russian league, I could have played for anyone, but I chose them because I wanted to. I’ve always done what I wanted. Did I take my family into consideration? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, it was my choice what I did.

This thing with Austen is confusing, complicated, and downright intoxicating. I have no clue what will happen or what the future will provide me once I get her to let me kiss her, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to try. I could lose it all…my career, everything, but something inside me tells me I don’t care. Or maybe I just know that won’t happen. I know a good choice when I see one.

While I hold hockey in the highest regard, I also hold Austen right next to it.

That has to mean something.

twenty-one

Austen

Do just that—your way.

My way.

I keep repeating what Angela said to me. She’s absolutely right. I know she is. I knew what I wanted when I went shopping with my sisters. I wanted to be freer, like them. Maybe not in the fashion department, but for sure in the enjoyment of my body and someone else’s. Well, not anyone else. Justhim. Dimitri. Never in my life have I been excited for sex. I think the excitement and pleasure I could have anticipated from it were taken from me at such a young age. I feared it. But now, I want to discover all the things that my sisters go on and on about. What I read about. I imagine taking part in those acts, and though I know he may lack the fangs and the bat wings, I still want to kiss him.

I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone the way I want to kiss Dimitri, and I know kissing him will lead to everything else.

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