Page 19 of Lasting Hope

Mrs. Tully patted his hand gently. "You're a good young man, Ben. I believe in you. Just remember, grief is a journey, it takes time. There will be ups and downs, but as long as you're there for Paisley, reminding her that she's not alone, you're doing something truly meaningful."

“So do you think we should do the movie or was that a terrible idea? I wanted to have something she could lose herself in. But maybe it’s not what she wants.”

“I think it’s a great idea, but keep in mind I’m biased, because I want to hold my boyfriend’s hand.” She winked and shooed him along. He wasn’t certain he was the right man for the job, but he was going to give it a damn good try.

CHAPTER12

PAISLEY

As the night sky twinkled with stars, the clearing where the movie was set up radiated a warm glow. People scattered comfortably in chairs or lay out on blankets, their laughter mingling with the crackling of the fire. Paisley approached tentatively. She knew her eyes were puffy from crying and everyone would have heard by now about Doug’s death. The idea of having all eyes on her was not something she was looking forward to. But it was something she’d grown accustomed to dealing with over the years.

Ben was quick to his feet as he greeted her with a timid smile. "Hey, how are you feeling?" He shook his head like he was scolding himself for asking a dumb question.

Paisley hesitated for a moment, unsure of her own emotions. She glanced around at the scene before her, the eager faces and the cozy ambiance. "I'm not sure," she replied softly. “I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

Ben answered quickly. His words rushing out and crashing together. "That's okay. You don’t have to know. Would you like to stay for the movie? Or maybe go for a walk together? You can also be alone if you'd prefer. Or if you want to talk about Doug..."

Touched by the thoughtful options he presented, Paisley felt her heart swell with gratitude. She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. One clearly he hadn’t been expecting. It took a beat before he wrapped his arms around her but once he did, he seemed reluctant to let go.

"Thank you, Ben. This means a lot. I’m sorry I’ve been on my own today. I couldn’t get myself together. But this looks good for tonight."

Stepping back from him, the excitement in everyone's eyes as they anticipated the movie was apparent. "Everyone did an amazing job out here. I’ll be honest though; I never really watch my own movies after the premier. It’s a little embarrassing." she remarked, a hint of vulnerability in her voice.

Ben nodded with understanding. "I figured it might be a little strange. That's why I changed the movie for tonight. It's an old classic about two best friends going on an adventure together. A cartoon. Two squirrels. It’s a little goofy but I thought the kids would like it. Something simple, full of jokes and nonsense. I hope that’s all right.”

Paisley's eyes lit up with relief. “The Moon Riders?” She loved that movie. It reminded her of the countless times she and Doug had watched it together, splitting ice cream and gossip. "I'd like to stay and watch the movie. That feels right."

They found an open blanket and settled down together. Paisley leaned against Ben, wanting to feel something solid. Immovable. Right now, he was that. As the movie began, she gradually rested her head on his shoulder. A few minutes later, he wrapped his arms around her, providing a comforting embrace. Early in the day she was certain she’d want to rot away alone, mourning, but now that she was in Ben’s arms, she knew alone would be terrible.

The movie played on, filling the air with nostalgia and innocence. Paisley glanced around and spotted Arnoldo and Mrs. Tully sitting side by side in two rocking chairs, their hands intertwined. It was a little thing that she could look to as a sign of hope.

During the movie's final moments, Paisley turned to Ben and whispered, "The walk... is that still an option?"

Ben smiled and nodded. "Of course. But now that it's dark, it might be a short walk. I’m a city guy, don’t forget. I can walk you down any dark alley in Boston without any trouble but you get me in the thick woods with every jumpy little creature and I’m out of my depth."

“Maybe just a walk back to our beds.” Paisley chuckled softly, feeling guilty for the bit of joy she didn’t feel she deserved. Ben, seeming to notice, stood and lifted her to her feet. Together, they made their way back to their room, their steps quiet and unhurried.

Sitting cross-legged on her bed, Paisley looked at Ben as he lit a small fire in the fireplace. Once it was crackling away, he sat on his own bed, waiting expectantly for her to say something. She was unsure where to start but bumbled out what she could.

"Ben," Paisley began, her voice soft, "I want to thank you for everything you've done tonight. It hasn't changed my mind about leaving tomorrow, but it's helped me figure out how to get through the next hours."

"I... I'm sorry," he stammered. "I'm not doing a good job, am I? Mrs. Tully gave me advice, but I feel like I'm blowing it. The movie choice was dumb, and calling Carmen... I'm afraid I've made you want to leave the one place where you're safe."

"Ben," she whispered. "You’re really helping. I’m the one who begged you to call Carmen, and I’m glad you did. The longer I went without knowing what happened with Doug, the more upset I would have been. I just want to get through tonight without my heart exploding in my chest. That’s what it feels like right now.”

“I want to do more. What else can I do?”

She stepped out of her bed tentatively, closing the distance between them, and pressed her lips against his. It was a gentle and tender kiss. She was not normally impulsive with those types of things. She chose the men in her life carefully and rarely initiated something romantic. But it seemed impossible to find any other way to quiet the noise in her mind. For a moment, as their lips touched, everything in her mind shut off.

As she leaned away, Paisley looked deeply into Ben's eyes. "I'm sorry. I wanted to do that and I’m not really thinking straight. Everything hurts, I just wanted one thing that felt good.”

Ben's eyes softened, and he smiled with relief. “That’s about the only kind of comforting I’m qualified for. If you need any more of it, I’m your guy.”

“Would it be...” She shook her head. “Maybe it’s weird to ask, but could you move your bed closer to mine? Not to...”

“Sure. Just closer. Not for anything crazy.”

“Yeah. Nothing crazy.”

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