Page 95 of Losing the Rhythm

“Not bloody,” he said as he merged onto the highway. “Defensive.”

“Self-defense? Our friendate is self-defense?”

“I only ever felt safe after I learned some,” Justin admitted. “Dad was already in jail, Mom was already dead, but I found that I only ever felt back in control after I made it so no one could hurt me again.” He glanced over at me briefly. “Or in a situation where I couldn’t protect those around me.”

That shut me up real quick as his words settled heavily on me.

“I want to empower you, Cadence. Your life is yours now. No one has power over you, and I hope you’ll learn what that really means soon. For me, taking self-defense classes taught me that. Maybe it’ll teach you that too.”

“And if it doesn’t?” One thing I never did when Lindie beat me up was lash back. I never once hit a person before. I didn’t like the thought of it. It made me sick to my stomach. I already knew exactly how painful violence was, and I didn’t want to be a part of it.

“Then we can try something else.”

“Do you think I’m powerless? Is this why we’re doing this?”

“When was the last time you felt you had full control of your life?” he asked instead of answering. It felt like an answer all on its own, frankly. He really did think I was a powerless person. Unfortunately, I didn’t have an answer for him.

The only time I had ever felt like things were okay in my life was when Dad was around when I was a kid. I’d stand up on the stage, sing and perform, and he’d be off to the side giving me all his attention and support. Those were the moments I had dreamed about after he left. I never felt as free as I did back then.

My life had always been work and tiptoeing around Lindie and taking her punishments. It had been keeping my head down, doing what I was told, and making sure to please the people around me, meeting expectations I wanted nothing to do with.

And then she put me in the hospital and since then, my body had been fighting me. And these last couple of months… I hadn’t felt like I was in power of my own life in a very, very long time, if ever.

“Self-defense isn’t about hurting others, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s about staying alive. It’s about knowing what to do if a man comes up behind you and grabs you. If people try to take you. If someone tries to be violent to you. It’s about knowing how to protect yourself and live.”

“I’ll try it,” I finally said in a low voice.

“Thank you. And like I said, if you don’t like it, we’ll try something else.”

“Isn’t this friendate supposed to be for you, not me?”

“It is. You knowing some moves to keep yourself safe helps me.”

I didn’t know what to say to that.

Justin took me to a gym in Coronac Falls, on the outskirts. I’d never really been in the area before, maybe to drive through. The area was nice, well put together, well taken care of. Lawns cut short, houses next to each other, but with some space in between. Decent sized front and back yards. Simple decorations.

The gym itself looked almost like a warehouse. It was big and square, barely any windows.

“This place looks… sturdy.”

“It’s even better inside,” Justin said, grabbing my hand and leading me up the ramp and through the double doors. Inside smelled of sweat, bleach, and leather. And something else a bit metallic. It wasn’t a bad smell, just different than I was used to.

Justin went to the counter and handed over a card. Then he signed some things and slid a clipboard over me. “You’re my guest. Just sign in here and we’ll be all set.”

“I’m not really in clothes for this,” I said.

I was in a T-shirt and jeans.

“Makes it even more realistic then.”

The young woman behind the counter giggled at his response, a dusting of red across her cheeks. Another one of his fans. We headed further into the building, into an empty room, the floor completely covered in mats. Someone was in the corner, knelt over as she dug through a bin.

“Miya,” Justin called out.

The woman looked back at us and frowned. For a moment, she didn’t move before she finally straightened and came toward us. The Asian woman was small, coming to my chin, but she walked full of confidence.

“Justin, you aren’t supposed to be here,” she said. “I may not have any children, but even I know you should be in school.”

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