Page 75 of Losing the Rhythm

“And now he might hate me.”

“What was his reaction when he left? What did he say?”

“He said he still wanted me to call him. That he wanted to talk more.”

“That doesn’t sound like hate to me. That sounds like someone who has something to say to you.”

“I guess.” But it didn’t mean I wanted to call him. Or at least I did want to, but it felt impossible to me. “All these years wanting to talk to him and now that he’s standing in front of me, I don’t know what to do.”

Dr. Arason gave me her gentle supportive smile. “Then how about we figure this out and maybe before we meet again, only if you feel like you can, you’ll have talked to him.”

The rest of the session was about Dad, my relationship with him, and what I hoped our relationship would become. Talking to Dr. Arason worked far better than talking with the guys for some reason. I thought because I was comfortable with them, it’d be easier to talk to them, but I was so wrong. Dr. Arason was able to put words to my thoughts and emotions, give some reasoning to the turbulent waters inside me. By the end of the session, I felt like my voice was back again, like I could make Dad hear me.

For once, I knew what I wanted to say to him.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I sent him a message, asking to meet up with him tomorrow after school.

Dad:I’m there.

He responded instantly, and that only strengthened the little bit of belief I had left in him.

Chapter Twenty-three

All the guys were at Seth’s when I got back. With pizza as an apology. I spent all today by myself, not able to really talk to any of them and I felt bad. They did nothing wrong and I had treated them like garbage the last two days.

The house smelled like popcorn, welcoming me back warmly. The living room was being set up for movie night with the floor covered in pillows and blankets.

I narrowed my eyes at the few extra light pieces around the TV, giving it creepier vibes than before. It always seemed like each day, they were adding in a random new piece of decoration and it was becoming a bit of a game to Guess That Piece as Seth liked to put it.

“Pizza.” Justin came in through the doorway, swooped up the three boxes I’d been fighting to carry and brought it directly into the living room.

“I heard pizza!” Toby said, coming from upstairs. “Where?”

I pointed to the living room. “Justin already stole it.”

His eyes widened and he moved quickly down the stairs with loud thuds. “No! That guy is a bottomless pit. You never give him all the pizza.”

Before Toby could move past me to chase after the food, I grabbed his hand, touching it gently. It was enough to capture his attention though as he stopped to look at me.

“Thank you,” I said softly.

Toby’s smile turned bemused. “For what?”

“Dr. Arason.”

Toby moved his hand so that he was holding mine instead and squeezed it. “I told you she was brilliant. You should listen to me more often.”

I laughed. “If I did, we’d end up in jail.”

Toby huffed. “I’d never put you at risk like that.”

“Maybe, but I’m also not the type to let my friends get into trouble without me.”

Toby let out a bark of laughter. “Man, I can’t wait for our friendate. Friday after school, you are mine.”

The way Toby said it, in a tone lower, the words a little slower, it made swirls of heat form in my stomach. My face grew hot and it was so hard to keep looking at him.

“Come on, let’s save the pizza before Justin eats it all.”

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