Page 15 of Hanging Horseshoes

But you didn't before…

Reading her note damn near gutted me. I have never felt dread like that in my life. Those words will forever be etched on my soul, no matter what happens when we find her. Because it is awhen, not if. Wewillfind her. We have to.

A rumbling of confused words and grunts travels around the room, but Swift shuts it down with another bang of his fist against the table before he continues.

“As I was saying, she took off about a half hour ago. She left notes for both Trip and Rodeo, saying she was leaving to protect everyone from something. Now, with all that said, we have two things we need to take care of. One, we obviously need to find her and get her back within these walls and with her baby girl. Don’t think I need to explain to any of you fuckers the importance of a momma being with her children and with people who can protect them. This is the best place for them, and we know it. Second thing is, we need to figure out what she thinks she’s running from.” Swift turns to look directly at me before continuing, “Rodeo, you’re up. What has her so spooked she would leave her baby in the middle of the night?”

I sigh as I realize I’m going to have to give them something of my past. They are my brothers. I know they will love and support me no matter what, but I’ve done everything in my power to get away from that past. To move on. To be free. I just want to be free from that life. All except my two girls. I don't want to open these old wounds and expose all the dirty, dark secrets of that hell. Maybe if I can just skim over things, we can move on to the part where we track down Ophelia.

“I didn't have the best childhood. Neither did Ophelia. We grew up in a very religious community. I didn't realize people on the outside called it a cult until I left, but that’s exactly what it was. A cult. If we didn't follow or believe what they did, we were punished. I was always different and knew I didn't have a place there, but Ophelia… She was perfect. She fit in and loved the community. Or so I thought. Anyway, the minute I hit eighteen, I left. I thought Ophelia belonged there, wanted a future there, and wouldn't accept me. So, I ran. I missed her every single fucking day, but I couldn’t have her shunned like I was.” I tell them not meeting anyone's eyes.

“That’s why you live like a fucking nun. You’ve always been ashamed of who you are?” Grease asks in an uncharacteristically sympathetic voice. He’s always joking, laughing, or acting a fool. To see him serious is…. Off Putting.

“I’m not ashamed of who I am. I just didn't want Ophelia to ever think she wasn't enough.” I tell them.

“Was she? Enough?” Grim asks softly.

“It wasn't her that wasn't enough. It was me being greedy. I had a beautiful, perfect, selfless girl, but I wanted….” I trail off, not knowing how to tell my brothers.

“You wanted to explore your Bi side,” Hitter says, shrugging and nodding. I look up in surprise but don't get to question the comment before Grease opens his mouth again.

“But you haven't explored your Bi side. You’ve never taken anyone on, man or woman.” He says, giving me a shit-eating grin. I sigh, frustrated. He’s right though.

“Was it more a punishment? You couldn't give Ophelia all of you, so you would give everyone else nothing of you?” Swift asks and that comment right there had me stopping all thoughts and focusing on my Prez.

“Oh shit, he just realized it.” Loki laughs, “Really, took Prez one conversation to figure out your commitment issues, and it's taken you what? Four years?” He continues to laugh, and I swear if I had my piece on me, I might shoot the fucker even if he’s right.

“No offense, Rodeo, but I’m tired of talking about your dick and I can do nothing with that information. I need to know more about this cult. What happened to you and Ophelia there? I need to know as much as possible.” Comp says seriously. It's then I know I’m going to have to come completely clean to my club and it won't be easy.

“My parents knew from a young age I was different. They tried to lead me on the ‘right’ path, as they called it, but what it really was was torture. Beatings, lectures, hot coals, whips. Whatever you can imagine torturing someone, they did it, but only where people wouldn't see it. To them, it was easy. Grow up in the church, marry someone from the church, have babies to attend the church, grow old and die in the church. I didn't want to follow that plan and I didn’t have the same ideals and beliefs as them. I remember asking my mom why the church teaches us not to be angry with our neighbors, not judge our neighbor, not hate our neighbor, if that rule doesn't apply to everyone. How could they justify that the bible and God says to love all but just because I loved someone of the same sex as me, I deserved the worst? How can you justify hating someone so much just because of who they give love to? It didn't make sense to me. Apparently, that question flipped a switch in my parents and from then on out I was to be ‘cleansed’ of those thoughts.” I start.

“But you still believe, don't you? You wear a cross.” Grease mentions.

“I still believe. I believe the lord I serve loves me for who I am and accepts me for who I am. I was made this way. I won’t change for anyone else. I don't want to get into all this religious bullshit. I have my beliefs and they have theirs. I just never understood how people can hate a whole community for showing their love. With all the wars, hate, and anger already in this world, how can you willingly choose to add to it? Why not show them love and compassion? How can you not give people compassion just because they don't think like you? Either way, we didn't believe in the same things. So, I left.” I try to cut it off there, but Comp continues.

“What about Ophelia and how she was raised there?” He asks.

“See, that’s where I'm just as confused. Ophelia's parents were strict, but I never remember them hurting her or abusing her. Either I missed all the signs, she hid it well from me, or it started when they realized she was pregnant out of wedlock.” I say before shaking my head.

“Look, I get I haven't been open with my past and at this point I’ll tell you all every sorted detail if you want but only after we find my woman.” I look each of my brothers in the face before finishing. “Please.”

“Well, I’ve been trying to locate her. The problem is she's always lived off the grid. No cell phone, watch, or tablet to track. No ID to flag. I’ve put out feelers and will keep doing that, but right now, brother, there isn’t much we can do.” Comp tells me in a grave voice. Mother fucker!

“So, I’m just supposed to sit here with my thumb up my ass. Don’t say a mother fucking word Grease.” I catch him as his mouth opens to say something about that comment. He pouts but shuts his mouth. “I can’t just sit here.”

“The best plan we got is to ride out. We can take separate directions and just see if we can spot her or find someone who has,” Swift says getting up from the table. The rest of us follow suit. They each have a determined look on their face, and I know come hell or high water, I will have my woman back. I might not know when, but I sure as hell have faith in my brothers.

As we make our way back out of church and to the common room, I see Piper, Izzy, and Jade have all joined Trip trying to console and love on Mable. It seems to work because she's distracted and hugging Trip for dear life while giving the old ladies a shy smile around her thumb. I walk up to them and gently pull her thumb from her mouth. Automatically, she grabs Trip’s ear, and he just stares at me in surprise. I smile softly before turning to the ladies.

“We are heading out to find Ophelia. Do you mind watching Mable for a bit?” I ask the group.

“Not one bit. We’ve got her, you just go find her mama.” Jade says grabbing Mable. I wait to see if Mable will freak, but luckily, she just places her head on Jade's shoulder and lays down.

“Come on, I’ll fill you in on the plan when we get outside.” I tell Trip. Not waiting for his response, I walk out the door and straight to my bike.

“We don't know where she’s going, or what she’s doing. The only thing we do know is she’s in your truck. We are all splitting up and taking different directions. You're with me.” I say, swinging my leg over my bike and looking over at Trip.

“Ooookkkkaaayyyy.” He draws out the word, looking at me, then my bike. “If I’m with you, then where the hell am I supposed to sit?” He asks me. I smirk before looking over my shoulder and pointing behind me with my thumb.

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