Page 17 of Pretty Black

“The official statement will say you are ill and overwhelmed.”

My vision narrowed, and my lungs wouldn’t inflate. I heaved, trying to breathe.

“Please don’t overreact.” Alexander rolled his eyes.

I wanted to scream in his face, tell him I was having a fucking panic attack, not overreacting, but I couldn’t form words; I couldn’t do anything but try to breathe.

“Can you give him something?”

“It might make it harder to get him out the door…” one nurse said.

“He’s always high as a kite, as long as you don’t have to put him on a gurney,” Alexander said, sounding annoyed.

“I can give him Haldol if you want?”

I held up a hand, still trying to get my breathing under control. “No.” I barely managed to get the word out.

“Do it. He’s determined to make a scene.”

Caspian stepped in front of me. “He’s having a panic attack. Haldol isn’t going to help.”

“How would you know? Are you a doctor?” Alexander snapped, getting in my face.

The nurses hung back, waiting for us to resolve the issue.

“Because I’ve spent every minute of every day with him for years. I know what he looks like having one.” He stood there for another minute, a head taller than Alexander, not budging.

“Then what do you want to do?”

“I’m going to give him a Xanax.” Caspian took my cigarette case out of my shaking hands and pressed the pill between my lips.

I gasped, locking my eyes to his as I dry swallowed it. I stumbled back a few steps, grabbing the counter to lean against and waiting for the bar to hit my system.

“We need to get going,” Alexander said, checking his watch.

“We can give him fifteen minutes.” Caspian looked between us. “It’s not like the plane will leave without him.”

“It’s a fucking vacation. He shouldn’t be acting like a spoiled child.”

My upper lip lifted in a scowl, but no sound came from my overworked lungs.

“Can you give us a few minutes? Let me talk to him,” Caspian said, holding his arm out so they’d leave the room.

When the door closed behind them, I dropped to one knee, not sure how I stayed on my feet so long. Sheer willpower to not let Alexander see me lose it. My hate was stronger than my body’s need for oxygen.

“Let me help you to the sofa.” Caspian grabbed me, but I fought him.

“No.” I struggled, lungs finally expanding.

“Iris, just let me help.” Caspian’s tone got demanding.

I took another couple of deep breaths before fixing him in a stare. “Fuck off. You’ve helped enough.”

“What do you mean?” He froze, but his grip loosened.

“You know what I mean.” I knew at my core that he was the responsible party. It was the only math that added up.

“I don’t know why you’re mad at me. I didn’t choose any of this.” His brows pulled, but not a hint of remorse showed in his eyes.

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