Page 26 of Pretty Black

“We basically live in Caspian’s condo. It’s hard not to hear you.” Elijah pulled out a wipe and started cleaning me up. “It’s superficial, and somehow, you missed your scar. I’ll get you cleaned up, then put a light bandage over it. Your hair should hide it well enough in case we run into any photogs.”

“You’re a lifesaver.” I hadn’t even thought about the ramifications of being caught by the paparazzi. I’d spent the last five years watching everything I did in public, and maybe this had finally broken me. I didn’t have it in me to care about what they did or printed. Today, I wanted to survive and only worry about myself and Caspian.

“All done.” Elijah stood and offered me a hand. “You okay to walk? Some people get lightheaded after self-harm.” He didn’t release me.

I felt it out before I answered. “Fine. Good. Clear.”

As the calm from the pain took root and the calm faded, rage took over. Rage settled in my chest, removing all the cravings I had towards death, replacing them with a deep-seated desire to make Alexander’s life hell. I wanted him to be as miserable as he’d made me for years. I didn’t know how I was going to do it yet, but I would figure it out.

I finally looked at Caspian, who hadn’t said a word the whole time Elijah had been cleaning me up. “Are you mad at me?”

“No, I’m never going to be mad at you again for coping in ways I don’t understand, and I’m not going to judge or do anything but be here for you in all the ways I can. I don’t want you to hide any of it from me, either. I want to know you, all of you. For better or worse. Thank you for trusting me with you.” Caspian offered a small, hopeful smile.

I grabbed his shirt, dragging his body to mine. “You are the most unbelievable person I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. It’s lovely to get to grow with you. You’ve had me in awe of your spirit constantly since we met. I don’t remember often enough how lucky I am to love you.”

“I’m the lucky one, Iris Rose. I don’t know what I did to get to spend this life by your side, but I’m thankful.” He rubbed his nose over mine.

I tightened my grip on him. “Are you sure it’s not a punishment?”

“I’m positive it’s the opposite. You are starlight and everything that is beautiful about this universe, and I’m going to spend the rest of our lives chasing stardust.”

We rode in silence to the hospital. Not a single spoken word. But I clung to Caspian, pressing my face into his chest. I held him as tight as I could.

“I don’t want to go in. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to miss you anymore.”

“Do you believe in fate?”

I repeated the familiar lines to him, pressing my eyes closed: “If it involves you, I do,”

“We are meant to get through this. We are meant to be together. I’m not letting go; I’m never letting go.” Caspian’s grip tightened on my shirt. “You can’t get rid of me.”

“But you will have to let go when they take me back.”

“I’m never letting you go. I will be here every day and waiting when you get out. If they keep you longer than three days, I may demand admittance myself, but trust me. I am not going anywhere.” He dug his fingertips into my skin. Not hard enough to leave bruises but hard enough to imprint the memory of it into my brain for at least a few hours.

“Will you have Mr. St. Clair put out a statement? Have him work with Ari on something before Alexander can beat us to it?”

“Are you sure?” Caspian searched my face.

“I’m tired of letting Alexander have control over us. Don’t say drugs like he did to me last time. Say mental health.”

Shock brimmed in the wideness of Caspian’s eyes. “Isn’t that a bit rash?”

“No, it’s the truth, and I’m not hiding it anymore. I’m not letting Alexander hold it over me. Not any of it. If I have to fucking live, I’m taking ownership of all of it.”

Somehow. I would figure it out. But I was done with his control.

“If you’re sure. I’ll do it as soon as you go in.”

“I’m sure.” I held him a little tighter for a little longer like it would somehow make any of this easier.

“Iris, I almost forgot,” Caspian said as I got out of the SUV.

“Yes?” I asked.

“I recorded the whole bathroom incident. Everything Alexander said. I’m going to send it to Mr. St. Clair.”

“What?”

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