Page 66 of Say You Love Me

“But we have something, don’t we?” I can feel the heat of him at my back. “There’s something between us that doesn’t exist between you and him. I was there for you, Fin. Remember? Who was the one who sat with you through all the times you cried at the center? Who was the one who held your hand when we lay outside and stared at the stars? It was me, Fin. Hudson was nowhere to be seen. He abandoned you. I didn’t.”

I whirl around to face him. “He did not abandon me! You have no idea what we’ve been through, no idea of the—”

The door opens and Hudson steps inside. “You almost ready?”

He’s cheerful. He’s happy. So I take a deep breath, throw Rylee a warning glare and smile at my husband, holding up the basket. “All ready.”

Hudson turns to Rylee who’s taken a step away from me. He’s leaning against the kitchen counter, eyes filled with black, rubbing his nose as though trying to stop himself from crying.

“Are you going to manage to look after yourself for a few days?” Hudson asks.

Rylee doesn’t look at him as he answers. “Finity suggested I start looking for a place back in the city.”

Hudson raises his brows, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t tell him to go. He doesn’t tell him to stay. Part of me thinks he enjoys toying with Rylee. Ever since that night, something has changed in Hudson. He still likes to watch as Rylee’s hands roam over my body. He still wants me to pleasure Rylee, but just not fully. He likes me to bring him to the brink, only to deny him the satisfaction he craves. Because Hudson now takes it for himself.

Rather than letting Rylee devour me, he only allows him a taste.

Sometimes I wonder if he’s trying to see how far he can push him. See how much Rylee is willing to be denied before he leaves. Sometimes I wonder if he never wants him to leave. It’s a strange dynamic between the three of us. I do not love Rylee. I am fond of him but I do not love him.

But Rylee loves me. It’s clear every time he looks at me and it makes me feel cruel. Hudson seems to get off on it though. He feeds on Rylee’s misery, giving him only enough nourishment to leave him longing for more.

It will be good for us to get some distance. Good for Rylee too. Maybe the time apart will remind him that he has a life outside this twisted situation he’s found himself in. Maybe he won’t be here when we return.

When we reach the lake, it’s like returning home. Suddenly I can breathe again. I can smile and laugh without guilt. I can be myself.

Hudson and I eat simple food cooked over a fire.

We wrap ourselves in blankets and lie on the dock, watching the stars.

We splash and swim in the lake.

We make love in the rain.

I’m lying on the couch, trapped in Hudson’s embrace when there’s a knock at the door. We both lie still, looking at each other questioningly but neither of us move to answer the door.

The knock sounds again, this time louder. Rain and wind pounds against the window, rattling the glass in the frames.

“Who do you think it is?”

Hudson shakes his head as he slides out from under me. He’s only wearing jeans, and he grabs his t-shirt from where I’d tossed it to the floor and pulls it over his head before opening the door.

“Did you miss me?” Rylee barges in without invitation. He’s drenched. He drops his bag, peering around the house, his eyes lighting when he spots me on the couch in the other room. “There you are.”

He walks over and grabs my face, pressing his lips to mine. I don’t respond. It feels strange to have his mouth sliding over mine unprompted. Wrong.

I look to Hudson, expecting him to protest. Expecting him to tell him to leave. We don’t need him anymore. He shouldn’t be here.

“Was the drive okay?” he speaks as though he knew Rylee would arrive. As though he invited him.

“That rain sure is heavy out there.” Rylee shakes his head and I shield myself from the droplets of rain that fly from his hair.

“Did you know he was coming?” I ask, turning to Hudson.

He smiles. He smiles as though he’s happy, as though I should be happy.

“Surprise!” He clasps the same cheeks Rylee had only moments ago, pressing his mouth to the same lips Rylee had. It feels strange to have his mouth sliding over mine. Wrong.

“I—I—I don’t understand,” I mumble through my squished cheeks. “I thought it was going to be just the two of us.”

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