Page 76 of A Foolish Work Flirtation

“Weddings are romantic, Alex. And I was completely stripped bare when I thought your mother didn’t want to marry me. I saw how Imogen looked at you. There was love in her gaze, and I knew you would find each other. But I also knew you would probably screw it up.”

I open my eyes. “Well, thank you for that ringing endorsement.”

He sighs. “It’s not your fault you grew up without enough love or security. But it will be your fault if you keep living that way. Take a chance and put your heart out there.”

I look at my phone. “I tried. I cannot employ her, and she doesn’t want to live with me. She wants her independence.”

“You can problem solve. I don’t need to weigh in.”

I start the truck. “No, you don’t. Thank you for the call, Graham.”

His voice holds kindness. “Don’t be a stranger. We’d love to see you.”

I release the breath I had been holding. “Take care of yourself.” I hit “end.”

His words keep reverberating through me. I know I grew up in a fucked up way. I don’t want to keep replaying that again and again. But I also don’t want to offer my love to someone who doesn’t want it. Is that what I intend to do? Offer my love? If I put my heart out there, she could destroy me. I know what that feels like, and I don’t know if I’d survive it.

I take a deep breath and let myself think about her. The first thing that comes to mind is that she smells like citrus and evening roses. I love kissing her neck and breathing in her feminine fragrance. I also love the feel of her softness and the way she laughs. I miss her openness and how she squints when she has to tell a hard truth. I enjoy watching her put on makeup, even though she doesn’t need it. And all of those suitcases.

But none of that matters. I just want her. I want to hold her close and have her tell me what she’s thinking. I want to marry her.

I grip the steering wheel hard. I’ve never had the urge to marry anyone. What if she won’t come back to me? What if I can’t convince her to give us a chance?

I call Sonia.

It rings twice, and then she answers. “Is everything okay?”

I squeeze the bridge of my nose. “I’m sitting alone in a truck. And I don’t know what to do.”

“Ah, I see. You’re finally coming to your senses.”

There is a sharp pain in my chest. “What if she doesn’t take me back?”

“What if she does?”

I attempt to relax my jaw and chest. “I let her walk away.”

Sonia doesn’t say anything.

“Have you heard from her?”

“No, I texted her that she could reach out if she needed anything, but she hasn’t. Kate told me she is heartbroken and barely surviving, so you have a chance.”

I take in a deep, painful breath. I don’t want her to be upset. She deserves better.

“The problem is she deserves someone good at expressing themselves and willing to be vulnerable. I’m not that person. You know that.”

“Alex, you’re talking about skills that can be acquired. You expected her to learn to surf. That’s a skill. You can learn to be vulnerable. It’s not that hard. Or maybe it is, but you can do it.”

“What if she leaves me?” I widen my eyes. I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth.

“It’s a two-way street, Alex. She might disappoint you, but then again, you might disappoint her. Love is like that. The one thing I know for certain about love is that we have the power to hurt the ones we love the most.”

“I don’t know why people want to be in love if that is the case.”

Sonia laughs. “Love is complicated. But it provides a deep connection and, with it, a powerful bond that creates security and intimacy. Not to mention desire and happiness. Don’t forgo those things, Alex.”

I place my head in my hands. “I don’t know how to get her back.”

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