Page 41 of Reckless Desire

The reel is burned into the edges of my consciousness, regardless of what I’ve been doing.

This is ridiculous, and I’ve concluded it’s the result of expectations. Nothing has ever happened between us, so it must be the tease and the anticipation of the time we’ve spent together flooding me with thoughts that are not warranted or normal.

Now my conclusion might be correct, but it does shit for me. I still think about Sydney, and I oscillate between disappointment, anger and longing.

I need to fuck someone soon, before lusting after this woman is the death of me. That must be it. I haven’t been with anyone for too long. I misinterpreted Sydney’s drunken words and cuddly behavior. I’m out of practice because I’ve been too focused on Caro and the business. I haven’t been on a date for years.

“Are you listening?” Mom’s voice startles me and I drop my phone into my breakfast bowl.

“Shit.” I fish it out and walk over to the island to wipe it clean with a paper towel. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

“You need to pick up Caro this afternoon.”

I stiffen. I’ve been avoiding the school drop-offs and pick-ups for a week now and I’m not interested in resuming them. Ever. Very mature. “Why?”

“For one, I have a doctor’s appointment. Besides, I’ve been doing it since the third day of school. Darling, you know I’ll help you any time. I love my granddaughter, but I can’t be a full-time parent to her. She needs you. What’s going on?”

“Don’t be so dramatic. I’ve been too busy lately, that’s all. I’m here for dinners and goodnight stories. Just the school runs have been difficult.”

Shit. I’ve been using my mother because I’m a coward.

I dump my uneaten breakfast in the sink and rinse the bowl. “Of course I’ll pick her up today. And why don’t you stay at your place and get a break. I’ll walk her to school again in the morning.” I wipe my hands with the hand towel, gripping and yanking it to relieve some of my frustration.Get it together, asshole.

“Okay, I’ll stay home. I want to be here for you and Caro as much as possible, but I’m getting too old for this.” She sighs. “Have you spoken with Mrs. Lowe?”

“Why would I?” I retort, sounding like a teenager caught playing hooky at school. Too fast. Too guilty. Too fucking immature. The noose of resentment tightens around my throat.

My mom raises her eyebrow and amusement flickers around her face as the tiny lines around her eyes deepen. “Because she asked to speak to you about Caro’s problems with reading. Last week. The day after she so kindly came to walk Caro to school.” The mocking tone is what I probably deserve.

“Right. I forgot. I’ll talk to her today.” I practically run out of the room, leaving my self-respect and my mom behind.

And I almost ram Caro. “Hey, pumpkin, ready for school?”

“I’m not sure about some squash, Dad, but I’m ready.” She rolls her eyes at me.

“Let’s go then, darling.” My mom walks out of the kitchen and they both leave.

I scratch my nape, exhaling. I’m an idiot. Fucking idiot. In my obsession over Sydney, I’ve abused my mother’s time and neglected Caro’s issues. Idiot and asshole.

I take a cold shower, trying to think about work, but the purpose eludes me. I haven’t slept well in a week, and even a cold shower isn’t enough to re-engage me. As I walk into my closet, my phone rings.

“Hey,” I growl.

“Where the hell are you?” Ash sounds more than stressed. “They’ll be here in ten minutes.”

They? I scramble to find the part of my brain that is not Sydney-fucked and remember which important meeting I’m about to miss.

“I had a situation at home, but I’m on my way.” Add business neglect to the list of my recent achievements.

“Hurry. I’ll stall them, but get here pronto.” The edge in Ash’s voice sets off all sorts of alarms in my mind.

I’ve always been the one on top of things, so what does it say that he’s now more dedicated tomyfucking business? I need to get laid and rid myself of Sydney’s allure once and for all.

I get dressed in record time, grab my keys from the console table by the door and dash out.

A Fortune 500 company residing next door to our gym contacted us about their fitness program. They are interested in offering membership to their employees as a benefit, which could be an amazing opportunity to triple our numbers in one day. They are coming to tour the facility and discuss the terms in seven minutes.

At least the gym is only a fifteen-minute walk. I run the entire way. It helps me clear my head. Somewhat.

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