Page 78 of Give Me What I Want

“Stray. Savage.” I laughed, glancing over my shoulder at Jamie. “He’s a good pup, he’s even housetrained. Go on, E. You know you want to.”

“From what I hear, your girl isn’t putting out anyway,” Elijah whispered just for me to hear.

A sudden snap in my chest had me slowing pace, sending Cole and Jamie flying into our backs as we almost came to an entire halt. I mumbled an apology and they wound their way around us. I released Elijah and dropped my head, the internal buzz I felt fading until it was barely there at all.

It wasn’t Bea’s fault that she hadn’t been ‘putting out’. I didn’t blame her or ever want to push her. Her body was healing, and I had no idea what she was going through physically. It made me feel like shit, knowing that I was drooling over her ass while she might not have wanted that yet. Sure, she had choked Ro on stage, but who was to say that it was sexual, itlookedsexual, but it was Bea and Ro. They fought. They fucked. And the line in the middle of that was a blur at best.

Elijah shoved his hands into his pockets. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Something is going on with her, isn’t it? Did something happen? Other than the whole Jordan thing?”

I kept my head low, not looking at him as I took a step forward, picking up a slow pace. Focusing on the floor ahead of us while trying to push away the images filling my head, her on the bathroom floor, our loss in that toilet bowl as I took on the role of protector, keeping her from having to witness it before she woke the following day by wrapping it up in one of our tee’s. Then the burial, the flashbacks of Steve’s funeral, they were all trying to invade my mind, desperately wanting to send me into a spiral.

I scratched my arm, short nails digging hard into the skin, hoping to break it, rhythmically moving up and down, harder, deeper. “Something happened, yeah. She hasn’t told you?”

Elijah was her best friend, I had presumed he’d know, but I guess maybe not. “Nope. So if she hasn’t told me, I guess you shouldn’t either. But if there is anything I can do to help just ask.”

“Actually.” I thought for a moment, feeling a little more comfortable with each step as I managed to fight off my demons, my scratching slowing until it was more of an irritated itch. “Could you get Cece to talk to her? I think she might have an idea about what’s going on, and Bea could do with a girl to talk to. Sabrina has ignored her all tour, and Juno’s boyfriend or whatever he is has just fucked her over, so she’s in a bit of a… well she’s not helping. Not that anyone minds, obviously, her sister is the most important thing in the world to her, so we don’t mind, but… Bea needs someone that isn’t us.”

“Or me apparently,” Elijah muttered, then cleared his throat. “I’ll talk to Cecelia tonight.”

“Thanks.” I picked up my pace and forced a smile as we rounded a corner and pushed through a set of double doors, finding our bandmates and a few crew members on the other side.

“So, we have one rule.” I heard Cole say as I flopped down on the sofa beside him. He was talking to Jamie, who was half listening, half eyeing up Isla as she stood talking to Bea, looking a lot like she was telling her off for something. Isla liked to tell Bea off and was one of the few people who could get away with it. I wasn’t sure why Bea allowed it, but she did. Maybe it was because Isla was good at what she did, and Bea was a pain in the ass who ignored her half the time and actually did deserve those tellings off.

“Did you hear me?” Cole asked, and both Jamie and I snapped out of our trances.

“Nope,” Jamie confessed, leaning back in his chair and crossing one leg over the other.

“You can hook up with whomever you want, but you can’t bring them back to the bus, okay?” Cole leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“And she,” I jumped in, jerking my head towards Isla. “Is taken, sorry dude.”

“Oh really?” Jamie asked, sounding a lot like he saw my statement as a challenge. “She one of your girls then, Top Gun?”

“Don’t call me that,” I snapped, lunging towards him. But Cole held his arm out, blocking me.

“Sorry,” Jamie said, hands raised, a genuinely apologetic look on his face. “I heard Ronan call you it earlier and thought it was what everyone called you. A couple of the crew said it too, so…” He glanced around, then back at me. “I guess that’s like a close friend’s only nickname or something?”

“No. It’s not my nickname at all.” I crossed my arms and sat back. “And she isn’t my girl. She’s with one of our security team.”

“Better tell them that then, because honestly, bro, I heard at least five people refer to you as Top Gun this afternoon.” He looked over at Isla again. “So, if she’s not your girl, which one is? I presume you’ve not gone all these months just wanking on the bus?”

I looked at Cole, who gave me a warning glare, and then wrapped his arm around me. “Didn’t you know? It’s pretty standard for us to hook up with each other.”

“I thought that was just a rumour,” Jamie said, cocking his head with interest. “You two, huh? I don’t want to picture it, but I can.”

I shook my head, shrugging Cole off of me. “It’s a rumour.”

“You might wanna do something about that too then,” Jamie said with a laugh. “Because your fans reckon you two suck each other’s dicks on the regular.”

“Sadly for Mav, my gag reflex is awful, so I don’t do that.” Cole grinned and wiggled his brows. “In all seriousness, it’s not so bad being celibate on tour. We’re so busy that you don’t really notice.” It was only half a lie.

“I bet you notice those two at it though,” Jamie nodded at Ronan who was now standing beside Bea, his fingers twisting into her hair as she spoke with Isla. “If I can find a roadie to hook up with, is it cool if I stay out? No offence to you guys, but I don’t want to listen to them if I can help it.”

“Of course, dude,” Cole said, sounding a little bit too happy about the idea of him staying out.

“Just make sure Garth knows where you are, and you can stay with whomever the hell you want,” I added.

“Sweet,” Jamie said excitedly. “The last band I played with weren’t this chilled.”

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