Page 79 of Give Me What I Want

“Oh yeah, that’s us, chilled guys,” I said, not meaning a single word of it. Jamie didn’t need to know the truth about how highly strung I secretly was, or how aggressive Ro could be. He’d only be with us for nine days.

But for those nine days, we’d need to be careful. He couldn’t catch us in any intimate moments with Bea, and with that realisation, I was back to being jealous of Ronan, the only one of us who could treat her how he really wanted to.

Prick.

22

Brighton. Our final show of the longest tour we have ever done. The last time we were here was for a charity show to try to raise money for Mav’s uncle Steve. Well, not specifically for Steve, but to help with research into finding a cure, something we were still supporting even after his passing.

“You wanna stay at ours tonight, or are you heading home?” One Last Time’s drummer asked me as Cece and I emerged from the bedroom on their bus. We had been picking her outfit for the last show and were about to go out for a girl’s lunch, seeing as she knew all the best spots in town.

“We can stay, what’s one more night? Plus, it’s our last show, so I reckon we need to end things in style.” I shimmied my shoulders, and Cece giggled, dancing with me. “Let’s hit up a club after the show.”

Cece gave the drummer a suggestive look, then turned to me. “I know just the place, and it has this really cool VIP balcony. And now that Sir Limpsalot can handle stairs with his crutches, we’ll be able to get up there no problem.”

“I’ll get Hillary on it, she can make calls and sort out the security team with Garth.” the drummer said, getting to his feet and leaving us alone to go and find the band’s manager.

“Why do I get the feeling that something naughty happened in that club?” I asked Cece as she packed her handbag, ready to go for lunch.

“Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t. Maybe something happened after. I won’t tell.” She zipped up her bag and tossed it over her shoulder.

“One cocktail. I bet you one cocktail that you tell me everything, in detail, later tonight.” I said, following her down the steps of the bus.

“Deal.”

“I like Sex on the Beach,” I said, looping my arm with hers.

“And I like sex in many other fun places, never tried the beach though.” Cece giggled.

“I meant the drink.” I rolled my eyes and laughed as we made our way to the waiting Uber.

“Sure you did.” Cece winked as she got into the car. But I genuinely did. I liked the fruity drink, and I wasn’t the type of girl who enjoyed public sex. I knew girls who did, Cece being one of them, and I understood the thrill of it, and sure, there was a chance that given the right circumstances, I’d at least let one of my guys finger me somewhere they shouldn’t, but I preferred privacy. All I needed to get turned on was one of my guys, or some awesome music.

Or Ro singing.

Cole striking a cymbal.

Mav’s fingers working a solo.

Shit. I was getting myself all hot and bothered just thinking about it. It made me second-guess our plans to go out after the show tonight, and my decision to stay in Brighton. Because for the first time since I lost our baby, I wanted my guys in that way.

Each show we played had left me sexually frustrated, but every time I had gone back to the bus, I had gone alone, and I had sat in the bedroom and quietly cried. I wasn’t ready.

Until now.

I was certain of it. I wanted my guys, and I wanted them all at once. I told them as much in a text, sent to our group chat, something that Cole had decided to set up a few months ago that never got used. Jordan had been removed from it, luckily, so I was free to say whatever explicit things I wanted.

I kept it fairly clean though. Not going into too many details, but giving them all enough to fire back rapid replies telling me to cancel the night out and go straight home after the show.

After considering it for a few minutes, I told them no. A night out with our friends would be fun, and we had all the time in the world to get into bed. It was ourlast night.We’d send the tour off with a bang, then start our new chapter with a whole different bang tomorrow.

“You look happy,” Cece stated.

“I am,” I agreed, then climbed out of the car, making a beeline for the front door of the small steakhouse she had brought me to, until she grabbed my arm and dragged me around the back of the restaurant, explaining that she had already called ahead, and had asked to use the staff entrance, just in case, as I was a ‘proper celebrity’, as Cece put it.

When we were seated in a quiet booth at the back, she continued to talk to me about my happiness. “So I guess this means that you’re over the worst of it? The grief I mean.”

I had confided in her after the third time that she had pushed me, telling me that Elijah was worried and that if I wasn’t able to tell him, maybe I could tell her. She had already earned my trust, especially after keeping the pregnancy to herself—not that I had actually confirmed or denied it after she bought me those tests—so I blurted it all. And I felt so much better having opened up to my friend.

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